How to find a master?

[Guest011909]

i'd love to hear from some experienced people regarding how to find a RT master. i have some specific ideas about the kind of master i am looking for. So far i have tried online and a little bit at clubs without success. i would love to learn from others. Thanks!

[Alex Bragi]

Have you visited our chatroom? That's a nice, unpressured way to get to know like minded people, and maybe even a suitable Dom. *ss*

[~faerie~]

i never made it to the clubs (too shy). i didn't really know what exactly i wanted at first...so i talked to alot of people at length on here. For me i looked for someone with similar bdsm intersts as well as regular stuff, because as much as we all may wish to, we can't play all day. Reality has this wonderful way of crashing the party.
then i found my Master online...or rather He found me.
When He and i started talking it was online at first, then graduated to the phone, and finally after several months we agreed to meet in r/l. i am now His r/l slave.
But of course it doesn't always happen like that. Some people i know have searched several years for the right Master.
I guess my best advice is to go slowly and really get to know Him. Trust takes time to build and when you are giving yourself to someone you want to know exactly who that person is.
i don't know if this is what you were looking for but i hope i can help in some small way.

Btw... from the south suburbs of Chicago

[SirTimothyk]

there are lots of yahoo groups on bdsm.

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

I met my Master online in a chat room. I had had a couple of other online Doms before I met Him. He and I hit it off right away when W/we first started chatting online. W/we became friends first while chatting, learning about each other as people first, instead of as Dom and sub. W/we began to send PMs, e-mail and snail mail to each other, exchanged photos and phone numbers. W/we chatted online for a year before W/we met IRL. W/we known each other now for 9 years and have been together for 8 years.

You can also met a Master at a play party, a munch, a dungeon or a BDSM club. I personally probably would never go that route, because I personally don't know any kinky people in my area and I would not want to go to those places alone (I don't even go to regular bars alone).

You can always put in a personal ad here at this site or stop by the chat room here. There are some really nice people who hang out there and W/we are a friendly bunch as well.

[Whippett]

i never made it to the clubs (too shy). i didn't really know what exactly i wanted at first...so i talked to alot of people at length on here. For me i looked for someone with similar bdsm intersts as well as regular stuff, because as much as we all may wish to, we can't play all day. Reality has this wonderful way of crashing the party.
then i found my Master online...or rather He found me.
When He and i started talking it was online at first, then graduated to the phone, and finally after several months we agreed to meet in r/l. i am now His r/l slave.
But of course it doesn't always happen like that. Some people i know have searched several years for the right Master.
I guess my best advice is to go slowly and really get to know Him. Trust takes time to build and when you are giving yourself to someone you want to know exactly who that person is.
i don't know if this is what you were looking for but i hope i can help in some small way.

Btw... from the south suburbs of Chicago

Very good advice - take it slowly and carefully - get to know the person, read their posts in forums to get a feel for how they present themselves, build trust, if you do meet - go slowly there too - and have a safety net. There are a couple of treads dealing with r/l meeting - they are worth paying attention to. Above all, don't be eager and let it show - that's like blood in the water - it attracts sharks. As ShyGreenEyedGirl says - trust takes time to build - never just assume you can trust - it has to be earned - just as respect does.

Good luck in your search. I hope you find someone who lifts you to the sky on gossamer wings and makes your heart sing with pleasure in his service.

Whip

[Silus]

Have you thought about local munches? Those are a good way to meet like minded people sometimes.

[lily27]

We met on Collar Me. There are a lot (a lot, a lot) of twits on there, but there are good people buried in as well. You just have to be patient, and prepared for an infinit number of emails that begin "On your knees, bitch!"

[gemmy]

I wish I could lend some pearls of wisdom here but sadly would like to know the answer to this as well lol

Good luck in your search

[icey]

lol^ i just splurted coffee through my already runny nose! gives a whole new meaning to the words hotstuff...your fault mastersgem

ive nothing much to add different from everyone else really other than be patient, if you're putting a profile anywhere keep it simple,clear and honest dont make the mistake some do and 'spice' it up that only caues misunderstandings and be prepared to sort the wheat from the chafe...especially if you join sites such as collarme or alt.com.

good luck

[sea lion]

As odd as it sounds, I've always found my subs when I wasn't looking for them. Innocent postings on Craigslist (platonic) asking to discuss BDSM, or even just to chat and pass the time, often incredibly led to the realization that we both shared many common interests. It seems if you are specifically looking for a sub you are immediately competing with a hundred other "doms" who all know the most impressive lingo imaginable......

[gemmy]

As odd as it sounds, I've always found my subs when I wasn't looking for them. Innocent postings on Craigslist (platonic) asking to discuss BDSM, or even just to chat and pass the time, often incredibly led to the realization that we both shared many common interests. It seems if you are specifically looking for a sub you are immediately competing with a hundred other "doms" who all know the most impressive lingo imaginable......

Except that the Dom's are on the winning side with a ratio of about 10subs for every Dom - not much of a competition for you guys but for us subs, it's hell haha!

[casie1124]

We met on Collar Me. There are a lot (a lot, a lot) of twits on there, but there are good people buried in as well. You just have to be patient, and prepared for an infinit number of emails that begin "On your knees, bitch!"

Yeah Collarme has some real "winners" (sarcasm). If you sift through those there are some really awesome people there. I have made quite a few awesome friends there. Also, get involved on the message boards there, there are a lot of nice regular posters.

[subserviant]

this is a far better site than collarme go into chat and have a ball

[~faerie~]

this is a far better site than collarme go into chat and have a ball

I totally agree.*smiles*

[lily27]

It all depends on who/where you are looking. It is pretty easy to find an o/l partner on here, but in my area to meet someone in real life I had to look on other sites. I found more people "actively seeking" on collarme, then around here.

I do love it here... but for different reasons.

[Guest011909]

What do you mean by "spicing it up"?

[Guest011909]

lol^ i just splurted coffee through my already runny nose! gives a whole new meaning to the words hotstuff...your fault mastersgem

ive nothing much to add different from everyone else really other than be patient, if you're putting a profile anywhere keep it simple,clear and honest dont make the mistake some do and 'spice' it up that only caues misunderstandings and be prepared to sort the wheat from the chafe...especially if you join sites such as collarme or alt.com.

good luck

What do you mean by "spicing it up"?

[icey]

people sometimes make the mistake of exaggerating their profiles a little, pretending an interest or even experience in something they dont have...say for eg bondage,flogging (whatever really) because they worry that if they dont appear to have some experience, knowledge that people wont take them seriously or feel naive.

and people sometimes think that they SHOULD have or show interests in certain activitys like it goes with the territory or something.

[Tojo]

Geez I wouldn't mind a dollar for every time I've heard this- unfortunately it's not easy to find the right one, whether it's a Dom or sub.

There's no tried & true recipe, just be patient & don't look too hard, is about the best I can come up with.

[jeanne]

An observation:

I, too, have noticed that there seem to be many more subs than Doms here...yet I can enumerate at least 5 Doms I've become friends with over the past year who have specifically been looking for a sub and not finding one for themselves. My perception was always that they were tripping over subbies everywhere they turn! It seems that some of the ones who are seriously looking don't really advertise that fact because they don't want to deal with the onslaught of sorta-subs, wanna-bes, etc. So the advice above to just get to know people is correct. You'll find the one who's right for you by treating them as people first. And in the meantime...read as many posts by Doms here as you can. You'll sort out the wheat from the chaff, figure out which ones have something to say that you want to hear, and learn more about yourself along the way. Which is always a good thing.

And I know it's trite...but sometimes the connection with your future Dom comes right out of the blue. But by having read His writings beforehand...you'll know something about Him and who He is and how He thinks and goes about His 'domly' business.

[Guest011909]

Thank You All!

[Tojo]

A good post Jeanne- it's well worth noting that while there may appear to be superflous subs & not so many desireable Doms, it's not a whole lot easier to find the right sub either.

If lisa finds a live-in position as I hope she will one day, I have no idea whether I'd even look for another formal D/s relationship.

Believe me, not all subs are up to the task either.

There's nothing trite about 'The One' turning up unexpectedly- that's very often how it happens.

[sea lion]

It's actually really hard to find compatible subs online. If you post all of your experiences or interests, the prospective sub reads until she finds one or more things that she thinks she would/could never do, and dismisses that Dom from consideration.

If you don't post enough detail either the sub never gives the posting a second thought or decides that the Dom is too inexperienced, or not Dom enough, to know what he wants.

It's largely the same as any other new relationship, fraught with pitfalls where the wheels can come off!

[TomOfSweden]

I'm experienced from the other end. I've met all my slave through non-BDSM channels.

There's really only one thing they all have in common. Drop plenty of BDSM related hints around guys you fancy. Guys who aren't into BDSM won't get it or will avoid the issue. Guys who are into it will become very interested indeed. And there's no limit to where you can do it. But maybe work isn't the best place.

This doesn't mean that a guy you find this way knows what he's doing. But that's the next step.

I've never been big on the Internet dating thing, so I can't really say anything about it.

[gemmy]

I'm experienced from the other end. I've met all my slave through non-BDSM channels.

There's really only one thing they all have in common. Drop plenty of BDSM related hints around guys you fancy. Guys who aren't into BDSM won't get it or will avoid the issue. Guys who are into it will become very interested indeed. And there's no limit to where you can do it. But maybe work isn't the best place.

This doesn't mean that a guy you find this way knows what he's doing. But that's the next step.

I've never been big on the Internet dating thing, so I can't really say anything about it.

Well having tried both ways (Real time and Internet), I don't think it really matters the venue. I do think geography has a bit to do with it. For example; the UK is far ahead of Canada when it comes to BDSM - so for us ultra conservative Canadians, the pickins are slim hehe

[Ozme52]

Have you thought about local munches? Those are a good way to meet like minded people sometimes.

That was going to be my suggestion too. Munches are, imo, superior to clubs and private parties because you do get a chance to see and meet like-minded people who don't have the expectation you are there specifically to jump right into the deep end of the pool.

Except that the Dom's are on the winning side with a ratio of about 10subs for every Dom - not much of a competition for you guys but for us subs, it's hell haha!

As others have since mentioned, and I will confirm, finding a willing sub may be easier for us... finding a compatible sub is every bit as difficult as it is to find a compatible dom. Maybe moreso, the expectations on Doms is very high.

An observation:

I, too, have noticed that there seem to be many more subs than Doms here...yet I can enumerate at least 5 Doms I've become friends with over the past year who have specifically been looking for a sub and not finding one for themselves. My perception was always that they were tripping over subbies everywhere they turn! It seems that some of the ones who are seriously looking don't really advertise that fact because they don't want to deal with the onslaught of sorta-subs, wanna-bes, etc. So the advice above to just get to know people is correct. You'll find the one who's right for you by treating them as people first. And in the meantime...read as many posts by Doms here as you can. You'll sort out the wheat from the chaff, figure out which ones have something to say that you want to hear, and learn more about yourself along the way. Which is always a good thing.

And I know it's trite...but sometimes the connection with your future Dom comes right out of the blue. But by having read His writings beforehand...you'll know something about Him and who He is and how He thinks and goes about His 'domly' business.

That's good advice in all venues. Online, munches, clubs, and parties. Go. Look around. Learn. Maybe explore a bit. Don't push... and it just seems to come to you. But then, I believe that is true in all perspectives of life... not just (bdsm) relationships.

[Ozme52]

BTW



<<====== Wheat!!

[jeanne]

BTW



<<====== Wheat!!

You absolutely tickle me to death. I am such a lucky subbie!

[TomOfSweden]

Well having tried both ways (Real time and Internet), I don't think it really matters the venue. I do think geography has a bit to do with it. For example; the UK is far ahead of Canada when it comes to BDSM - so for us ultra conservative Canadians, the pickins are slim hehe

I think you're wrong.... in a way. The only thing that is different is how brave you need to be to give and acknowledge hints. I mean... nobody is claiming sexual interests are learned are they? I certainly didn't attend "vagina appreciation" classes as a kid, I found an interest anyway. Sex and sex drive are all pure hormones.

I think it's a pretty even spread. All humans find it exciting to break taboos sexually... there's no reason Canada and UK should be any different. Basically, the more conservative the more taboos to break, and therefore it'll be easier to find people with a pronounced and advanced sexual fantasy life. It'll always be much harder to put ones finger on ones fetishes in a society where anything goes. A fetish is just something for your sex fantasies to latch on to.

I also think weather plays a part on how much action is going on. It's much easier being relaxed about your slutiness around people with less clothes on.... and hot and humid. But that doesn't really effect the mentality of the people to begin with.