I would not deny that my 3d most recent time was consentual on my part. All I wanted to say is that my whole BDSM life started after my 1st rape experience. I also had had guilt at first, because of enjoying the experience deep down. And my way of overcoming this guilt was to... join the lifestyle... So I would agree with Melissa that it is not impossible to enjoy a true rape experience deep down... at least if it was not violent like with me. And yes, now doing this sort of thing (providing "near real" rape experiences for myself, and "real" for the men) gets me off. Yet I would probably be afraid to do this without my female friend (and she moved out, so it really does look unlikely that I would do this again).