thanks a lot for your reply... it is indeed a journey, like a pilgrimage: some day you know it is about time to start and you do not know where the way will lead you to or if it will lead you anywhere.

like you, i have read a lot of things, i am having my fantasies can totally turn me nuts and am so curious to find out, what my real desires are in real live. i am afraid of myself, my feelings and what i could/might find. feeling afraid to meet someone irl, so how is it when you meet someone online? i mean, i have been looking for a "normal" relationship online and i still recall how this works, but how does a BDSM relationship online wok, what to expect? and how to start? i somehow "need" someone to exchange my views with, someone helping me to find out about my desires and wished - finally, to find myself. how did you start?

and then there is the cultural difference. i assume you are in the US. i am in switzerland. even though our culture is open and i am sure there are equally many BDSM people percentage-wise here, it is still uncommon.

i am writing this, my heartbeat is wy above normal... it's getting late here and i wonder how i will catch some sleep tonight.