Kinks, fetishes? That's what it reads somewhere here. This is really the question I cannot answer... But it is time to share some of my thoughts as I cannot hold back keeping things to myself.

For years and years I have been fantasizing about BDSM, being submissive, being dominant, ... Do I like pain? What am I looking for?

I have been reading about these subjects, visited this site so many times. I am getting terribly excited when these thoughts come to my mind - and they come to my mind rather often. Once a day? No, rather once every 30 minutes.

Sharing these thoughts? Being "non-normal", whatever this means... A difficult thing that I am able to "do" IRL. I am a bit over 35, consider myself normal and that's nothing I "could" do. Stupid, isn't it? Actually it hurts somehow as I am not willing/able to hold back on this anymore as I think I am missing part of my live. Anyone there who understands what I mean?

Twice, I have - somehow - shared my desires with a female friend, twice they responded quit open, twice I ended up naked pretty fast in front of them. What followed excited me, though the moment passed quickly and for other reasons I lost contact with them. When I think back of the time I shared especially with one of them, I have a huge smile on my face, my heart gets a warm sensation and I am getting excited again. Even though it has been years since that particular experience, I can still recall every moment of that time. I enjoyed serving her so much, and especially .... but that's another story... So, tell me, how has it been with you? Was being they way you are "normal" right from the beginning... and how have you approached "your situation"?