well said, comunication, determination, and trust are real vital elements to "having" it all, of course most people get what they put into a relationship as well, dom sub or vanilla, but it doth take two to tango, all effort on one part doesnt mean any may be expended by the other in equal measure,, basically sit him down and tell him exactly how u feel, and more importantly ASK him how he feels, expects etc, the shoe cant fit if yu never try it on right?