I was sexually abused by my own father when I was four years old. I also watched him beat my mother. I told someone what he had done to me and I never saw him again. He was out of our lives. I remembered it though. In the sixth grade I had a kind of meltdown over it and dealt with it. I have dealt with it many times, the last time in my early twenties, and I can honestly say that when I talk about it now it is like I am talking about a book I read or something inconsequential in my life. Since then I have been fine. I don't let it effect my life anymore. My predilection for submission is something special to me. I cherish it, I hold onto it and I revel in it. I would never in a million Sundays associate it with the horrible things that happened to me as a child. That abuse made me feel inadequate and ugly. Shameful and dirty. When I am submissive to Him, I feel joy, happiness, self worth and it makes me complete! Maybe the abuse made me stronger as a person and more able to deal with some of the really horrible things I have been through in my life, but it is not something I would ever allow to permeate my happiness at being a submissive.