I think I have always been naturally submissive. I enjoy making people laugh, smile, just bringing a little bit of joy to them. As a kid I always had the ready jokes or bad puns, the funny (and often completely bullshit) stories to tell, or the physical humor like pretending to fall down.
I was what my godfather called an old soul in a new body, the way I would take to things. However, unfortunately as a child, I made a decision in the way of submission that has caused a great amount of pain for me. My elder brother began abusing me when I was four, and continued it off and on. The price of me telling would have been my little brother's life. I had no doubt in my mind that he would have hurt my baby brother (the little brother whose birth nearly killed him and my mom so I was super protective). At that time, my submission was a trade off. My pain for my brother's safety...my family remaining together.
As a result I actually ignored my submissive nature (after I finally confided in my family and my brother had moved out) and became more aggressive. I developed personality disorders,and became suicidal-trying hurting myself with food, knives, sex...I couldn't trust a man but I could have sex with them. I saw my mother, who is a submissive in many ways, as weak...I honestly think I partially blamed her for not seeing not knowing...but I honestly don't think now, she could have. But admittedly at the time seeing her submissive I thought it was that shy coy nature she had that didn't allow her to intervene. (as an aside she blames herself for not noticing but I was amazing at faking happiness).
It wasn't until my Sir that those walls actually started falling in on themselves. I trust Him as I haven't been able to trust anyone outside of my family (those of my family I trust) perhaps moreso. I still do an amazing amount of self abuse but Sir picks up on that easily (He can read me like a book) and W/we talk it out. I think my past and my innate nature has made me a stronger person, a better pet for Him and probably one of the most hyper protective savage mothers in existance (god help the man/woman that hurts my daughter).