I hate to be the Debbie Downer here, but "why is it cool to be bi" and the language some of us are using to talk about this -- "claiming" to be bisexual, "flaunting," "so-called," -- is exhibiting the kind of mistrust for sexual minorities that I've heard from the moral majority my whole life. As a sexually submissive bisexual woman, I just want to make sure this thread has a little bit of comfort for bisexual women who have also been on the receiving end of such mistrust for their sexuality. Hell, I know you're not talking to /me/ because I'm not in your scene, nor do I run around kissing women for pretend funsies. But I can't helped but feel that old familiar feeling because this kind of conversation happens all the time and I can never do anything but squirm because it's hard to articulate why it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I live in a mostly queer world, among young, over-educated queer men and women who think of themselves as being more liberal in that holistic lifestyle way, not just politics. But I've gotten just as much bullshit from them about my sexuality as I have from people who aren't part of my community -- and it looks as though I'm seeing a little bit of that here. I'm not trying to say some women don't want to ramp up their bi-ness because it makes them seem more alluring. Bisexual women are, in fact, pretty damn alluring so it would make sense, and it would make sense that you would observe this and find something amiss. I think a good question to ask, besides asking "are they even really bi?" is why is it somehow more warranted to call into question a bi girl's sexuality than a heterosexual man who flaunts how many women he's been with, or a lesbian who talks about getting laid a lot? Do we wonder if all promiscuous gay men are just thinking about cock because it makes them seem more attractive to other men, or cooler, or more alluring? Here's something most people can agree with: being "out" about your sexuality, unless you're a straight vanilla male (and even then, who knows?), is hard. Full stop. It takes courage and a lot of balls and I think a good common goal would be fostering a community of respect around this. I've been on the receiving end of all of that craziness -- I'll call it mistrust or skepticism -- concerning my sexuality, including "bi-town on the way to gayville" (which goes doubly for men; no one, het or homo, believes in the bisexual male, which is fucking annoying).

That's the thing, some people don't believe we even exist. And the idea that we might exist, but can't possibly exist in such numbers seems, to me, to be just an extension of that. My journey to accepting my bisexuality (it seemed easier for me to call myself a lesbian for a while) has made it as much a part of my political identity as my sexual one. There is no need, in a world as fucked up and hedonistic as ours, and in communities filled with sexual deviants like mine, for little bi boys and girls to go around feeling like they can't quite fit in. And I'm not saying it's not okay to be frustrated with the girls in your scene, I'm just saying, this is really only adding to the atmosphere that fucks with bisexual/queer/whathaveyou identity and development. It may seem like, goddamn those bisekshuals are takin' over the world! But at the end of the day I'm still getting threats for people to "rape me straight" and it's a felony to have sex with who I want to have sex with in my state. It may seem like it's cool to be bi, but it certainly ain't easy.

We are human, we like sex. And especially for people into "the scene," we're preoccupied enough with sex that we seek it out in specialized ways. So why shouldn't we talk about who and how and why we fuck, same-sexed or otherwise?

I hope this wasn't too long or needlessly defensive. I just wanted to put another voice out there.