Polyamorous or just not sure?

[jeanne]

Love for children vs. love for lovers.

When I try to come up with what the difference is, it's hard to think rationally about it. It's just one of those things that I accept as true without questioning why. So here's my attempt at 'why'.

Love is made up of a lot of different elements. There's need, desire, protectiveness, generosity, selfishness and selflessness. I know there's more - and I'm sure ya'll will tell me - those are just the ones that occur to me now.

Feeling love for a child is accepting the eventual change in the relationship, the eventual loss of the intensity of the bond that is formed at birth (or when that child becomes a member of your family). That is a component of that kind of love. It is fraught with responsibility and fear, accompanied by myriad intangible rewards. The big reward is raising them and seeing them become happy, functioning adults, who loosen their bond with you voluntarily.

Love for a lover though...rather than accepting the eventual loss of the bond as part of the process, as part of how you love, we want that bond to last and grow stronger. And we expect, when we say "I love you" to another, for the bond to strengthen. Often this does translate into monogamy. It depends on the person. And when we say those words to another, it is often a way to feel special. And when we hear them, we believe that we are. "Hey", we think, "this person, who I love, also loves me! I trust that they will care for my heart, as I will try to care for theirs, and treasure my love." It doesn't mean that we can't also love others, though.

Love for our children is strong, almost indestructible. Romantic love, when wholehearted, can be fragile. I personally hate that it is, at least for me, but it is.

I fear I didn't do a good job answering the question...oh well.

[sidhewolf]

Love for children vs. love for lovers.

Differences and in commons in these things *to me* are these; The In Commons I believe and experience to be > Long Term Committed Love. Another in common component can be the depth of that Love. And the Responsibility that entails. Love for Lovers has a component most don't have in common with say Love for Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Children, and that is that capacity for a sexually intimate Relationship, and other factors that such a Relationship may entail. Which is typically not a component of Bio Family Love. And yet still, Loving someone differently does not mean Loving less. It's really hard to compare apples to oranges, even though they are both fruit.

Respectfully~SidheWolf