Quote Originally Posted by denuseri View Post
and as for the quote about having the subs take some self responsibility, well thats some tough love, sometimes we girls, especially the submissive inclined ones need on occasion for a push in the right direction so that we know it's ok to say no and defend ourselfs
Just to throw my two cents in on this particular aspect...

There are two issues involved: knowing defending yourself is okay and being able to.

To the first, I've been asked, more than once by people new to the community something along the lines of: "this dom I didn't know told me to kneel and started giving me orders ... am I expected to do that here? for just anyone?"

A lot of submissives entering the community really don't know what's expected of them with strangers and in a group setting. Sometimes their first exposure to a "dominant" is one of these bozos. How do we get them the information in the first place?

The second issue is potentially more damaging. Some (certainly not all or most) submissives are simply incapable of asserting themselves to the degree necessary to defend themselves in these situations. Whether because they're naturally too deferential or because their unfulfilled need to belong is so great that they'll grasp at even the bozos. How do we protect those who, for whatever reason, can't protect themselves?

The result of both of these issues, if left unaddressed, is that the submissive either falls for the bozo's lines and winds up getting hurt and confused (sometimes repeatedly) or is driven away from the community.

This has been an issue for as long as I can remember (this means "for a really, really, depressingly long time") and has always been more pronounced online. The most successful answer to it has always been the community itself.

Chat moderators are a good start, but they're not always available and not always aware of what's going on -- and the individual at risk doesn't always know to approach a moderator for help. The rest of the community has to step up and help -- which this one does pretty well, in my opinion.

That "help" doesn't necessarily have to mean vigilantism. Physical communities have to deal with this sort of thing too, and it isn't always by a half-dozen burly, leather-clad dominants surrounding the offender with muttered "oh no you didn't"s (or worse, siccing the submissives on the poor bugger).

It can be as simple as taking someone new aside and warning them off of particular individuals or letting them know they can ask questions. Reinforcing that questions are okay is important. A lot of people are hesitant to ask questions publicly and uncomfortable putting themselves forward to ask a stranger privately -- the message that questions are okay has to be regularly reinforced by a number of people before it's accepted.

Even the offenders can be approached. Yes, most of them are unrepentant morfs/asls/trolls (whatever your preferred term is), but some are going to be new dominants who are simply misguided because their examples to emulate have been those morfs. Dominants need mentors and advice too ... and are often more hesitant to ask for it.