Quote Originally Posted by DowntownAmber View Post
Since this thread has been bumped, I too have gone back and reread a good portion of it. Three pages worth of discussion, many useful points and points of view. It seems to me, however, that it still boils down to figuring out what works for you and expressing that honestly. Be with a partner or partners that you trust as honest when they tell you what works for them, as well.

Not to sound old and cranky here, but nothing gives me a bigger headache than people that tell their partner a lie about how they feel because they think it's what the partner wants to hear and then they get all upset because the partner acts on what s/he has been told. "Oh, you're poly? Yeah, I'm totally okay with that. Not jealous in the least little bit. What?? You Dommed another sub! Now I'm pissed!"

Alternately, when told something by a significant other, it's helpful to believe it as opposed to translating it into what you think they "really mean" and being mad at them when you realize that what they said was what they meant all along.

Now, I'm not talking about when people change their minds, that happens and it can't be helped. I just prefer that all parties are kept abreast of the evolutionary thought process.

Poly or monogamous, nothing can be healthy without honest communication.
Very True Amber! Without Honest Open Communication, no Relationship of any Style really works does it?

On paragraph 2 of your post; And just clarifying meaning here; Telling someone one is Poly is not open field to simply do whatever with whomever whenever....unless that is a part of the Relationship Agreement. IE Declaring oneself as Poly does no more explain what that is to someone else, than declaring oneself as a candy addict. Poly means different things to different people. If I declare myself a candy addict, does that tell someone else that when I am going to the candy store that I mean to buy and eat All the candy in the store? Many times in the scenerio you mention here the problem is not about the Poly person relating to another person, its a lack of Communication and Openess about that. Too many people think declaring themselves Poly is a good excuse to lie and cheat the Relationship(s) they have. And when there is problems about that, they want to fall back on "Well I told you I am Poly". Of course a large part of that problem is about Communication too. When someone tells you they are Poly, it is Real Important to ask "What is Poly to you?". There are so many configurations that this is vital information to have.

Here's another good link;

http://www.xeromag.com/making_relationships_suck.pdf

Respectfully~SidheWolf