Analyze this?

[lucy]

Mistress Kat has posted a task in the tasking exchange section. And a very nice one it is, i will definitely try that one.

However, one sentence got my attention (the one in red)

Think about yourself, your submissive nature. Why do you seek submission, what turns you on about it, do you serve a Mistress or Master, what about Her/Him strikes your desires so deeply. If you are not owned, who are you, what do you seek. How do you seek submission in your daily life....
Enjoy..............Mistress Kat

Now those are all questions i ask myself over and over (except the red one). Maybe i should do it the way Mistress Kat proposes, that would probably yield better results.

But why should i reflect about why i seek submission, i.e. why am i a submissive? Does knowing why make me a better submissive? Does it change anything? What if it's in my genes? What if the answer is something i never wanted to know?

I thought about why i am submissive right up to the moment when i finally acknowledged my submissiveness to myself. And that was it, since then that question is kind of beyond me (i never found out, of course)

Could it be that submissives are asking themselves just too many questions? Is there too much psychology and analyzing? Is it just female submissives? (i would really like to hear some male subs' opinion here)

[samm]

Isn't it a fairly simple question?
Why do I seek submission? Because it turns me on. If I wouldn't be arroused by submitting and all the things involved, I probably wouldn't do it at all. Why do you think it is important to discuss between D and s what the sub is willing and not willing to do? He/She will not easily do those things that don't turn them on in any way. For me it's as simple as that.

[sadiej]

That is a question that I have poneder for a long time. I found that I asked it of myself more when I was denying my true nature as that of a submissive. The more I fought the yearing and desire to reliquish control, the more out balance I feel.

I seek submission, to be free. Every other area of my life, I am in control.. always in charge. Giving that power and placing myself in the hands of my Master gives me the opportunity to let go that I would experience otherwise.

It is a thrill and a terror. The rush of feeling his power over mine. His will instead of my own.

I have found the answer to this question does not rest in my "logical mind"... it is answered with my submissive soul.

[Flaming_Redhead]

But why should i reflect about why i seek submission, i.e. why am i a submissive? Does knowing why make me a better submissive? Does it change anything? What if it's in my genes? What if the answer is something i never wanted to know?

Could it be that submissives are asking themselves just too many questions? Is there too much psychology and analyzing?

You should reflect on why it is you seek submission to better know and understand yourself. When you are in discussions with a potential dominant partner, motives become very important. People submit for many different reasons, some because it turns them on sexually (bedroom submissives) and some because they are people pleasers (service submissives). Knowing why you're driven to submit will help to guide you and your partner in a relationship. As far as not wanting to know, if you can't be honest with yourself who can you be honest with? I'm thinking no one. If you can't be honest with anyone, including yourself, what is the point of all this, i.e. relationships, friendships, etc.?

A little introspection is warranted before embarking on any new chapter in your life. If you think you're asking yourself too many questions, just wait until you have a dominant partner who is constantly probing your innermost thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, the most dreaded question I've faced hasn't been "were you naughty today?" but rather "what are you thinking?"

[MissConfused]

That is a question that I have poneder for a long time. I found that I asked it of myself more when I was denying my true nature as that of a submissive. The more I fought the yearing and desire to reliquish control, the more out balance I feel.

I seek submission, to be free. Every other area of my life, I am in control.. always in charge. Giving that power and placing myself in the hands of my Master gives me the opportunity to let go that I would experience otherwise.

It is a thrill and a terror. The rush of feeling his power over mine. His will instead of my own.

I have found the answer to this question does not rest in my "logical mind"... it is answered with my submissive soul.

sadie said it exactly as I feel
I want to release all control of myself
To explore my fantasy knowing someone else is doing it for me

As you know my hubby has no interest in BDSM so I have been serving a Master online
His commands are something I would not have done except I find the results are SO fulfilling, as he said I "have a glow afterwards" and he is right
So I overcome my fears and trepidations and surrender myself to the command
Isn't it what we all do?

[lucy]

Thanks to all who replied for their input. However, i obviously got my question completely wrong (and misunderstood Mistress Kat's questions). My apologies

I know why i want to submit, why i am seeking submission. Answering those questions wasn't too easy, but a necessary step to go ahead. That wasn't my question.

What i wanted to ask was: Why should i think about "why am i a submissive"? I was talking about the reasons for my "submissiveness", not the reasons for my submission, which is a result of that submissiveness.

(Btw: Do gays think about why they are gay? Do heterosexuals ask themselves why they are hetero? Should they?)

oh my, i don't think i did a better job this time than in my first post.

[Flaming_Redhead]

LOL! You might as well ask why the sky is blue and the grass is green. Some things, like submissiveness, are inherent personality traits. For other people, dominance comes naturally. There is a myriad of people for whom neither trait is predominant at all times and who choose to embrace one or the other or both to please their partner or to escape from reality for a bit. In others, the trait is dormant until the right person comes along.

I'll leave now that the water is even muddier than before. *grins*

[lucy]

I'll leave now that the water is even muddier than before. *grins*

thanks a lot

(i do know why the sky is blue and the grass is green, btw)

[Flaming_Redhead]

SHHHHHHHHHHHH! *whispers* I used to know, but I don't really care to know anymore....don't spoil my rhetoric with your scientific jargon!

[Hime]

It's an important thing for me to think about, personally. I do think that the way we react as individuals to different things in our lives is a result of the culture that we live in, and I think it's worthwhile to ask if that's always a good thing, and how much control we have over our own reactions. To me, analyzing the reasons why I might get turned on by something kind of unusual is a way of keeping my control as an individual over the idea of just being brainwashed by the dominant culture.

[leah06]

I'm not sure that these replies are responsive to Lucy's question, but maybe they are and they're just not responsive to the question I would have asked if I were asking. I don't think she was asking for answers to her "why" question that are essentially tautological - Why do I submit? because I'm submissive. Why am I submissive? because I enjoy submitting. I think she was asking - or I would ask - whether one ought to know what it is about oneself that makes these interactions so compelling. And I can see good answers on either side. It might be useful to know, or it might just be disturbing. Or, as some people have implied, it might be boring and irrelevant - but I don't think so.

For me, and this is pretty new, I do understand why I seek these interactions, and no, Lucy, the answer is not pretty and it's not erotic, but there you go. On the other hand, my experiences have been, for the most part, both pretty and erotic, and I'm finding that confronting where my desires stem from has not interfered with that but has made it easier to travel in a straight path to find what I need. It has also allowed me to understand why some apparently innocuous interactions are so very hard for me, and to head them off or find work-arounds rather than being overwhelmed by a sudden unexpected reaction.

I guess this is a long and incoherent way of saying that I have found that examining where these desires come from has given me more control, not less, and has allowed me to more fully embrace who and what I am.

[Veridical]

These kind of questions are very deep psychological questions that, if you're not ready to realize all aspects of your own mentality or personality, you won't know the answer for.

In some cases; The answer is just there, you always understood it because you have a deep understanding of who you are. In other cases, the answer is not so forth coming, and in fact may confuse and scare some people to know that they do not know the answer. In either case, knowing the answer won't end world hunger, nor will it make a difference in the political debate, but it may make you a better person for knowing, and you will feel more at ease with your urges to want to be spanked or tied up. It's one of those deep, soul searching questions in which you usually aren't the same once you realize what the real answer is. Submitting just because it turns you on is not always the case, and in fact most submissives do not participate in these acts just cause it gets them off. It's something far deeper into the psyche than simple orgasm. It's a very defining characteristic that anyone who knows what they're looking for can see in someone very easily.


Disclaimer; This is all my opinion, and not really based on science or anything. I've just over analyzed these kind of things a bit too much, and this is the end result. So please take it with a grain of salt.

[blythe spirit]

So please take it with a grain of salt.

But what if you're not suppose have salt? lol


Disclaimer: I just couldn't resist.

[lucy]

But what if you're not suppose have salt? lol


Disclaimer: I just couldn't resist.

rofl. What i really like about your post is that you actually posted it. I only think of such replies but never dare to post them. Call me sissy.

And thank you very much, iPet, rachel and Hime.

For me, and this is pretty new, I do understand why I seek these interactions, and no, Lucy, the answer is not pretty and it's not erotic, but there you go.

Yes, that's what i'm a bit afraid of and why think i'm not up for the answer yet.

[leah06]

Yes, that's what i'm a bit afraid of and why think i'm not up for the answer yet.

Lucy, I really understand this and I'm not pushing anyone. For me, I think that not confronting certain experiences in my past gave them more power over me, rather than giving me power over them. I knew they were there, it wasn't a repressed memory or anything, but I kept them locked up and tried to keep them from influencing me by simple will. I don't think it worked. It was very hard for me to articulate what happened to anyone else because I felt like the words would almost explode as I said them. But they didn't explode and neither did I, and it was easier and not harder to say those words to myself the next time. In fact, the experiences turned out to have been pretty terrifying at the time but, in retrospect, sad but not tragic, and somewhat understandable in context. And I feel that I am better able to situate them in the context of my life and myself.

This might be true generally of facing our past and how it influences us. In terms of bdsm, I felt like a total freak for years for even having these desires at all, and thinking that they might be rooted in something in my deep dark past just made me feel freaky AND like one sick puppy. For myself, I will say that I have been so pleasantly surprised to find that acknowledging my desires, and facing where they come from, has lifted some of that weight and has enabled me to feel more accepting of my own past and present.

It has also, by the way, allowed me to fly like an arrow shot from a bow to the heart of what I have been looking for.

I only put this here as my own experience. I'm not necessarily suggesting it for other people.

[Veridical]

But what if you're not suppose have salt? lol


Disclaimer: I just couldn't resist.

Lawl.
No salt for you then!

[thepast]

I don't actually think it's a psychological question of "WHY did you become a submissive" as much as it's a question of "what makes you, the way you are, crave submission?" THAT is an important question to know the answer to, because if you can figure that out, you will figure out what makes you tick & will be better able to find a Dominant that matches what you need & want. Sure, we're all submissive because it's our "nature"--but there is something DIFFERENT that draws us each to submission... I think THAT is more the crux of the question.

There is nothing better then spending some time reflecting on your journey as you progress forward. Why? Because we're creatures of habit, and we also are creatures who learn from our mistakes. So if you can spend some time reflecting, you might just learn something about yourself.

Now, I am not suggesting 10hr a day, 5 days a week sitting & psychoanalyzing yourself... but periodically, it really can be a help.

[Mastrovenice]

Knowledge is power, and to know oneself means less confusion and self-delusion. The source of one's submission/dominance is sadly, not always pretty (there is a long-going extremely helpful discussion of abuse on the boards here somewhere), but by turning these events into something that gives us pleasure, that is the true magic of D/s. Not to question and delve into this is almost irresponsible for what we do can often release strong emotions that confuse, surprise or dismay ourselves and our partners.

Plus, for me, the puzzle is irresistible.

[MissConfused]

Mastrovenice you said something that has me totally perplexed

As you have guessed from my personna I am confused
So by being confused I lack the power to control myself and that is why I seek a master?
I have never thought about that before but I think you have shed some light onto my confusion

[his_girl_l]

i have been wondering this (why do you seek submission) for years.

Not what i enjoy about submitting, but why i need to, why it is such an integral part of me.

For a long time i decided that it was merely sexual - and when i got married to someone with no interest in dominance and submission, rationalised it by seeing it as just a sex act that could easily be given up for the sake of love and the relationship, just as many people give up a sexual act they enjoy if their partner doesn't.

But i have realised that it goes way deeper than that for me and i always wonder why.

Is it something we are born with, like the gender we are attracted to? Or have my life experiences made me need this?

i do know that when i look back i had urges to please and be controlled and led much earlier than i understood a sexual context to put it in (from about 8 i think).

i obsessed on it towards the end of my marriage - it wasn't why we separated but there was always a guilty voice at the back of my mind, saying that if the relationship was failing anyway, at least i would eventually be free to be entirely me. And i felt so terrible about it cause i really wanted my marriage and family to endure.

But i have finally accepted that it is a part of me that's not going away and not going to be confined to just one area of my life.

Still, i would love to know why. But i don't think i ever will, it comes back to asking "why am i me?" and i don't think anyone can give a simple answer to that.

Sorry about the rambling, these are hard sentiments to think about, let alone put into words.

[QuietMaster]

In fact, the experiences turned out to have been pretty terrifying at the time but, in retrospect, sad but not tragic, and somewhat understandable in context. And I feel that I am better able to situate them in the context of my life and myself.

For myself, I will say that I have been so pleasantly surprised to find that acknowledging my desires, and facing where they come from, has lifted some of that weight and has enabled me to feel more accepting of my own past and present.

It has also, by the way, allowed me to fly like an arrow shot from a bow to the heart of what I have been looking for.

I only put this here as my own experience. I'm not necessarily suggesting it for other people.

The mind/brain is the most powerful machine that exist on earth. The simple sayings: -- "Mind over matter." -- is indeed a profound statement.

A person can indeed be very scared with what she feels deep within herself as compared to what she is expected to feel and do by "societal norm".

Hence, the dichotomy of knowledge, understanding and interacting in society and what one really desires.

To a greater extent, when one indeed realises and develops her affinity to her deep dark inner sensualities and the core of herself, she regains her power which has been wrested from her by "societal expectations".

The female/submissive is then released from the strictures imposed on her to soar like an eagle and be circumspect with her actions.

[QuietMaster]

i have been wondering this (why do you seek submission) for years.

Not what i enjoy about submitting, but why i need to, why it is such an integral part of me.

But i have realised that it goes way deeper than that for me and i always wonder why.

Is it something we are born with, like the gender we are attracted to? Or have my life experiences made me need this?

And i felt so terrible about it cause i really wanted my marriage and family to endure.

But i have finally accepted that it is a part of me that's not going away and not going to be confined to just one area of my life.

Still, i would love to know why. But i don't think i ever will, it comes back to asking "why am i me?" and i don't think anyone can give a simple answer to that.

Sorry about the rambling, these are hard sentiments to think about, let alone put into words.

You are you because you are you .... and you have rediscovered your inner feeling.

Unfortunately, marriages fail for the reasons you have briefly described. That is indeed unfortunate, but also remember that you are not the first in such a married relationship and you will not be the last.

You can know whys for yoursef, by indeed conducting a deep nonjudgental assessment of your feelings, desires etc., un-connected with societal expectations. A skillful Master can also assist you.

life is not perfect and we need to play with the given set of cards dealt from the "deck of life's journey" as best as we can to be a winner.

You seem to be on the path to grasp an understanding about yourself by starting to express your feelings, thoughts, etc., on the forum.

[lucy]

i have been wondering this (why do you seek submission) for years.

Not what i enjoy about submitting, but why i need to, why it is such an integral part of me.

For a long time i decided that it was merely sexual - and when i got married to someone with no interest in dominance and submission, rationalised it by seeing it as just a sex act that could easily be given up for the sake of love and the relationship, just as many people give up a sexual act they enjoy if their partner doesn't.

But i have realised that it goes way deeper than that for me and i always wonder why.

Is it something we are born with, like the gender we are attracted to? Or have my life experiences made me need this?

i do know that when i look back i had urges to please and be controlled and led much earlier than i understood a sexual context to put it in (from about 8 i think).

i obsessed on it towards the end of my marriage - it wasn't why we separated but there was always a guilty voice at the back of my mind, saying that if the relationship was failing anyway, at least i would eventually be free to be entirely me. And i felt so terrible about it cause i really wanted my marriage and family to endure.

But i have finally accepted that it is a part of me that's not going away and not going to be confined to just one area of my life.

Still, i would love to know why. But i don't think i ever will, it comes back to asking "why am i me?" and i don't think anyone can give a simple answer to that.

Sorry about the rambling, these are hard sentiments to think about, let alone put into words.

Thanks a lot, it wasn't rambling at all but pretty exactly what i tried to say from the beginning but never managed to put into words.

And no, i haven't been abused in my childhood or at any other point in my life. Not by others, at least. I was stupid enough to abuse myself for quite some time, but that self abuse has likely the same roots as my urge to submit myself.
And no shrink is ever going to talk me into believing that i have been abused. So finding out that i've been abused is definitely not what i'm afraid of.
Maybe i'm afraid of my ideas and believes of my place and role in the world (wow, MY role in the world, that's one big deal, lol) being shattered. At least i think that's what scares me most. I'm not even sure about that.

Maybe i should ask Miss Confused if i can have her nick...