thanks everyone for your very thoughtful answers. one of the things i get really excited about is hearing other points of view.

ImHisKitten - i agree with the idea that if you're dishonest here in your cyber life, you're probably dishonest in your real life.

Lilyrose - you are NOT alone! your comment is very telling: you hear all the words they think you want to hear... now that's the truth! we can certainly hear what we want to hear! but there is a difference between knowing you're role-playing, having some momentary fun and with wanting to make a connection.

Domin8or - yep - i agree: karma's a bitch. so do unto others...

DowntownAmber - wow. what you said really rings true. submission has become one of the biggest parts of who i am, who i want to be. yet 99.9% of the people in my "real" life don't know about my submissive journey (yet they reap the rewards of my journey in the sense i've encompassed many of the attributes i feel submission brings in to my life: thoughtfulness, service, patience...). but as you say, this online persona allows me to be here.

RogerWilco - i hear what you mean about being shy in real life and finding it easier to go all out here. but is it because you're not face to face? you aren't seeing the consequences of what you say or do? i remember when i first came to the bdsm library - it was a few years ago. i met someone in chat who was married. we had a fling. although my feelings were real, i liked him, made a connection, we took it away from here and started IM'ing... the consequence was that i was taking him away from his wife, his kids, his real life. i had to face that and finally draw a line.

shayna - you make a lot of sense. it's good to decide what rules you're going to play by before you start playing!

oh hey oz - didn't see you there! yep, i think we can do or say things online we wouldn't do in real life.

one of the things i've been thinking about within this question is being honest with myself. perhaps i need to be honest with myself before i can hold others accountable?

again - thanks everyone for the input.