Quote Originally Posted by l_27_australia View Post

i have been wondering this (why do you seek submission) for years.

Not what i enjoy about submitting, but why i need to, why it is such an integral part of me.

But i have realised that it goes way deeper than that for me and i always wonder why.

Is it something we are born with, like the gender we are attracted to? Or have my life experiences made me need this?

And i felt so terrible about it cause i really wanted my marriage and family to endure.

But i have finally accepted that it is a part of me that's not going away and not going to be confined to just one area of my life.

Still, i would love to know why. But i don't think i ever will, it comes back to asking "why am i me?" and i don't think anyone can give a simple answer to that.

Sorry about the rambling, these are hard sentiments to think about, let alone put into words.
You are you because you are you .... and you have rediscovered your inner feeling.

Unfortunately, marriages fail for the reasons you have briefly described. That is indeed unfortunate, but also remember that you are not the first in such a married relationship and you will not be the last.

You can know whys for yoursef, by indeed conducting a deep nonjudgental assessment of your feelings, desires etc., un-connected with societal expectations. A skillful Master can also assist you.

life is not perfect and we need to play with the given set of cards dealt from the "deck of life's journey" as best as we can to be a winner.

You seem to be on the path to grasp an understanding about yourself by starting to express your feelings, thoughts, etc., on the forum.