Quote Originally Posted by DowntownAmber View Post
Indeed - I simplified for the sake of saving myself having to type more, but you're right that it is important to understand what poly means when you are either telling someone you are poly or hearing it from a partner. Definitions are key.

And now since we're back on the subject of communication, I'm going to switch gears just slightly and throw out another one of my pet communication peeves: "don't ask don't tell." I've played with that one before and it's always something that seems like a good idea at the time but always ends up biting someone in the proverbial ass.

Thoughts?
<nods> Amber, I can definantly hear that and yet I do like to be as clear as I am able in Communication for everones sake. When walking the Journey of Poly, it's just so important to be Very Clear and Honest, just like in every other Style of Relating. Lies (even lies of omission) don't build anything positive. They in fact steal the often irreplacible building supplies. The Truth can be hard to tell sometimes, Especially when one wants something so badly, and what one must tell is not a warm fuzzy, or something one knows the other person may not, or won't like. But Only the Truth will ever Truly succeed in Getting what one wishes for.

I am reminded of something someone said here once on another topic, and I may not be able to quote ver batem. But it was something like > "The more Time one spends with someone who is not right for eachother, is more Time away from one or those who are". This is one of the Truest things I have seen written here.

A good example might be> Trying to hook up with someone one is attracted to who only has like 1 day a month to spend with someone other then the Partner or Partner(s) they have, and you need someone to spend nearly every day with. Telling the person who needs nearly every day with you that you don't have that much Time to give, given your current obligations, can lose you that opportunity to have a Relationship with them. But so will not telling them....eventually. Likewise Telling someone "Oh Poly is fine with me" when what you Really mean is "I am gonna compete for you and do my dead level best to take you away from your Life to suite what I want from you", most times won't work either. My own little saying that has proven itself True over and over for many years is > *Time Will Tell~It ALWAYS Does!*. Another thing I am is a Very Good Listener, and Very Observant! Red Flags to me are bright neon lights that scream "DON'T GO THERE!". And I won't. I don't do drama well or long. And if thats all it's gonna end up being, I'll end it now Thank you! Telling the Truth will always cut to the chase, or the Heart of the matter, which Everyone can decide for themselves Honestly and Openly what they can and cannot do.

I Agree for the most part on the DADT thingy Amber. Though it does work for some, or at least for a Time. I tried it only once in my Life, and it just didn't fit. *To Me* DADT translates as "We're kinda together, you can do what you want with no regard to me and Our Relationship, and I can do the same, and we'll just see if WE survive that". DADT also translates to me as a lack of True Intimacy (which I need with those I Love), and instability (which I won't be able to Happily thrive in). I am a very solid, stable, deliberate, kind of person. I need Goals, planning, adherence to Agreements and Bounderies (by Everyone involved), Re-Negotiation (if possible), an Ending if not. DADT is too risky to invest my Heart in ever again. I guess it breaks down to me that if I do not wish to be Known and Loved for Who I Am, and I do not wish to Know and Love my Partner(s) for Who They Are > Why bother?

I think also DADT is too much like driving a VW Bug Blindfolded in rush hour 100 mph traffic with Mac Trucks

Respectfully~SidheWolf