Quote Originally Posted by icey View Post


so arnt the two the same?
To me they're not the same. When I was playing, I thought we were both unattached; in fact, I found out afterward that he's in a long-distance thing. If I'd known that, I wouldn't have played with him. Partly, I don't like to be second to anyone, and partly, I just respect relationships, mine and other people's. But yes, I am willing to be casual sometimes - when I don't have something serious going on.

I want to say that I'm not speaking about all "polyamory" situations that have been discussed on this site. Polyamory is not for me, but I can sort of understand that people might love many partners in different but equal ways just as we all love our children in different ways. I couldn't do it, but I can respect it. I was specifically responding to the suggestions on this thread that it's OK for a partner to look outside the relationship just so long as the other interaction is less meaningful than what occurs in the primary relationship.

To me, specifically finding someone in order to have LESS than what you have at home is using the other person. But if you don't have something meaningful at home, then you can both agree that playing might be less than what you're looking for, but more than you actually have.

Anyway, that's how it feels to me now. I'm about as steadfast as Jello right now, though, so probably in a few weeks I'll be posting about my vanilla lover, two Doms, and a switch. And a partridge in a pear tree.