Veronika, what are you doing here? are you really seeking information or just trying to make people justify themselves to you?

as far as this way of life being compared to a religion, you are confusing the spiritual aspects of it with religious ones. a religion is a belief system centered around a supernatural entity. where do you see that here?

a cult is the same thing as a religion, except it is outside of the 'normal' mainstream religions.

just because there are protocols and practices, objects or clothing that are unique to this way of life doesn't make it a cult. being concerned for your partner's safety, pleasure, enjoyment, and well-being requires caution and a set of rules, defining limitations, etc.

and just because one can experience a true spiritual communion with their partner, or an altered state of consciousness, even, doesn't make it a religion - vanilla people can experience the same thing when making love to their partners, although it is much more prevalent and profound in this world.

and yes, seeing it referred to as a 'cult' personally offends me.