Fear, stupidity or something else

[jeanne]

I do see it that way, rachel.

But, on the other hand...entering the local kinky community is not for the faint-of-heart. If being in a situation like that is enough to send one running from the building...maybe the desire and will to become a part of the community needs to be re-examined. A simple "no thank you", handing the paddle back to the Dom, was all that was necessary.

After all, the kinky community is just that - kinky! Naked people, scenes, flirting...and yes, being in situations you aren't ready for sometimes...is par for the course.

I will echo the advice already given, chalsia - continue to attend the events with a smile on your face and if asked about that party, just say that you were completely taken by surprise and over-reacted.

Part two of the advice - next time something happens that makes you feel weird, take a deep breath! Then, say "No, thank you." Or leave the area. Or smile and walk away.

[Lisais mine]

It's rude to just hand someone you don't know an instrument of torture and expect them to use it. It is a violtation of the girl on the table too, in my opinion. It's the dom's duty to protect their sub, is it not? that's part of it for me at least.

[lucy]

I see it exactly like rachel, i think i would have bolted for the door too. IMO that Dom should have taken you aside and asked how you feel about it and given you some time to think it over.

[tina2008]

When I'm invited to a birthday party, be it kink folk or not, I expect the usual birthday party theme. Was there any indication that the invite was for a birthday/kink party? I'm submissive and other than giving one or two birthday "taps" I doubt that I would want to paddle another submissive.

My reaction would probably have been the same; head for the door PDQ as this wasn't consensual.

If you feel you overreacted and are embarrassed, prior to attending another munch, etc., I would contact the submissive and let her know you were caught off guard. Perhaps she can express this to others who may have felt "your" behavior was rude or odd and you guys will get over this.

I wish you the best.

[Ozme52]

It's rude to just hand someone you don't know an instrument of torture and expect them to use it. It is a violtation of the girl on the table too, in my opinion. It's the dom's duty to protect their sub, is it not? that's part of it for me at least.

Not really, not at a birthday party... even vanillas often do this. One of the reasons I love going to birthday parties.

Not if the Dom spent weeks teasing his sub about getting spanked ahead of time.

And he was no doubt prepared to monitor the proceedings to make sure any paddler didn't go overboard.

I think that the invitation should have included a "Kinky Agenda" but... lacking that, a spanking/paddling of a submissive birthday girl is to be expected.

I think the advice, in general, is good.

A simple refusal, "no thank-you" would have sufficed.
A future, semi-contrite, explanation of what happened will salve any concern of the other attendees (and by semi-contrite, not that chalsia need say she was wrong for refusing, just enough contrition at her own over-reaction, no more or less than she showed in her post.)

[Arria]

A simple "no thank you", handing the paddle back to the Dom, was all that was necessary.

Part two of the advice - next time something happens that makes you feel weird, take a deep breath! Then, say "No, thank you." Or leave the area. Or smile and walk away.

I fully agree on this with jeanne.

About "this community not being the right one" - I´d be cautious regarding that.

chalsia - I don´t know if it´s any help, but with the scene people hubby and I know, the birthday spanking thing is something special - the sub gets her birthday spanking by everyone in the room, no matter if those other persons are Dom or sub.
It´s actually a sign of trust to be asked to spank the sub in question.
There is nothing more behind it - you are not asked to switch or to Domme, you are just asked to spank at this one time :-)
Nobody will expect you to make a convincing scene of it, or will ask you to switch on other occasions - if things are there as they are here.
Everybody we know in r/l knows perfectly well I don´t have any dominant streak and do not want to switch, but even I have been asked to give birthday spanks, and I have to admit it was rather funny :-)

I would not worry overmuch, just go back and explain. It is perfectly okay not to do something/ not to want something. Saying so politely instead of running away would have been perfectly ok.
Keep in mind that even BDSM people are simply people - nothing more, nothing less.

If, however, they expect you to act in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, avoid that crowd in the future.
But I really don´t think that is the case.