Define loneliness

[jeanne]

This thread: http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=20911 started a discussion about the definition/meaning of love and other feelings. I thought it would be interesting to hear other's thoughts about what those other emotions feel like to you.

Loneliness - how do you define loneliness?

[Thorne]

Loneliness - how do you define loneliness?

I can't really say that I feel loneliness. I'm a solitary person by nature, spending much of my time by myself. I don't go out with friends, or even with family very often. I don't miss people I haven't seen in a long time, don't worry about them. So for me I'd have to say that there doesn't seem to be such a thing.

I'm often alone, but never lonely.

[DowntownAmber]

Like Thorne, I'm comfortable by myself. To me, being solitary does not equate with being lonely. Loneliness tends to strike me when I have the expectation to be able to share and to communicate, and I am struck with the realization that I don't have a receptive person with which to do so.

For example, I used to have a relationship with a man in the pharmaceutical field. There is big money in medicine of course, and as a result these folks both threw and attended lavish conventions all over the place - art museums, historical centers, film openings. I had some wonderful opportunities to go to some amazing places. I looked forward to these events at first, but sometimes it seemed I was one of the very few people in the room that was interested in the museum or the reason for the fundraiser and so on. Maybe it was that a lot of these folks had "been there done that," maybe it was the fact that I was typically 20 years younger than the rest of the room, but whatever the reason I always felt extremely lonely when I realized I was happy and having a good time without any real outlet to share. That's lonely for me.

[Belgarold]

I have been lonely in a group of people and I have felt complete and content by myself. So I think it changes for me.

[DiablosLittleOne]

To me loneliness is that pit you get in your stomach when you go to reach for someone in the middle of night and they aren't in bed next to you. The ache in your heart when you think of someone that's no longer around and wish that they were still with you. Of course some might associate those feelings with grief as well and they wouldn't be wrong, to me they run very close at hand. I also think it's that acknowledgment that you have no one, or one specific someone, with you anymore. I think if you fight it or never truly admit they're gone you probably won't get that feeling of "loneliness". I've rarely felt alone in my life and the few times I have it was fleeting but heart wrenching at the same time. It's not something I'd like to feel again soon, that's for sure.

DLO

[Thorne]

I've rarely felt alone in my life

Similar to Belgarold, I have felt alone in a crowd, but I tend to prefer it that way. Being alone isn't something to be feared or fought against. It can be quite comforting.

That's not the same as feeling lonely, though.

[wmrs2]

Loneliness is when there is nothing meaningful for one to think about. I am alone at my PC but I am happy because there are things that I am sharing with my friends on the net. If you were not here to stimulate my thoughts, I would be lonely today.

[-M-]

lonliness is sitting on the couch next to your other half, and giving each other the silent treatment. it's not talking to the one you love most for days and being in the same house. lonliness is bing happy you can hear thier voice, but realizing that it wont last because the argument will turn back to silence. lonliness is one of the saddest things known to man

[ravenbounduptight]

Lonely- (in my own words):

to be feeling cut off, away from, or with out feeling. This can be mentally lonely, like in a crowded room and you stlll feel alone. This can be physically, out in the wilderness camping or living alone in the city. There are many different forms and levels to being loney, to an extent we all need some alone time. But at the same time being social creatures exsessive loneliness does tend to... well, suck ass.

~j~

[VaAugusta]

(I just love C&H)

I would say that loneliness is the inability to meet with other people (like being held against one's will away from someone), otherwise it is simply self-pity.

Whenever I'm feeling this self pity, or feeling down, there's only one thing that I have found to be a
"cure all" for my problems. Running is simply the greatest thing to do. I remember feeling sorry for myself this one time, it was late at night I guess and I think I was disappointed I hadn't been invited to anything that night. I felt horrendous in my stomach, that horrid feeling of going to throw up almost. I decided to try and get rid of the horrid feeling. I chugged some milk (as runners will know why) and then attempted to go berserk to force myself to throw up. So I went out and as I was running, way too quickly, trying to force myself to throw up. I noticed that while passing the houses at night, nearly every light was on at the houses, either watching TV or what have you. It was then I realized that I wasn't so alone, everyone else is doing the same thing it seems. I didn't end up feeling so bad afterwards (I didn't throw up even though I really tried) So I end by saying this: Run!

[anxious girly]

to me lonliness is enforced emotional solitude. i need to share my emotions with a certain someone. if this doesn't happen, i carry on as if nothing is wrong, yet feel very empty inside. i am just as guilty of enforcing this solitude with people as well. it is a sorrowful shame that we build defenses when we should be tearing them down, especially as we grow older.

[Wiscoman]

Not to get all clinical about it, but I think loneliness is probably a survival mechanism. Humans are social animals -- some more social than others. In a daily survival situation, we'd be like a pack, cooperating in a way that ensured the maximum number of people surviving. If we find ourselves alone for a long period of time, it may be that the lack of interaction with others kicks into loneliness, driving us to seek out other people and giving us a better chance of surviving.

[awakening2]

I will say loneliness is characteristic of ‘alone’, a league and class of its own which has nothing similar. All existing beings and objects are of substance, so they should not be referred to as alone? For me, therefore, it has been wrongly associated with humans, as they are never alone (surrounded by thoughts, memories, or physical beings and objects). In other words, all living and non living beings and things are not alone and therefore cannot experience lonliness. The question remains unanswered…to answer look at the definition of 'alone', which is “Of or by itself; without any thing more or any one else. Close example using existing limited dictionary vocabulary can be – Nothingness or Vacuum, just as sound can have many shades…so it will never be alone, silence will always be! The only reason which may be attributed to using it for humans is metaphorically not realistically – to ‘stress’ the person is by her/himself…

[sinful_desires {Nikon}]

to me lonliness is enforced emotional solitude. i need to share my emotions with a certain someone. if this doesn't happen, i carry on as if nothing is wrong, yet feel very empty inside. i am just as guilty of enforcing this solitude with people as well. it is a sorrowful shame that we build defenses when we should be tearing them down, especially as we grow older.

My thoughts exactly!

[TantricSoul]

Loneliness, never have I felt this more intensely, and thoroughly, than the last few years. At times, it has felt like an anchor tied to my feet, dragging me to the dark, murky, depths of despair, to a place where fear assured me I would never leave, forever denied my chance to joyfully dance upon the solid land of connection, to the vibrant rhythm of life. For that, to me, is loneliness, when I sink into myself and sever the connections to all that is, when my mind screams silently "You are alone" and incessantly whispers "you always will be".

In watching my family split apart, in helplessly observing my love fall in love with another, in having what is most important to me denied, in being labeled and understood as something and someone I am not, in witnessing my mind show me and tell me that there is only one way out of this pain, in having my heart save me from my mind, in the warm tickling feeling of tears slowly working their way down my face while my eyes burn, in the deep tearing ache within my chest, these are just some of the places I have found loneliness.

And yet, the heart knows that which the mind obfuscates. I am not alone, I am never alone, and I do not require someone else to make me whole.

I have known the lifting of loneliness, in the rising of my lowered gaze, in the sight of life around me, in the immersion of feelings not of my own creation, in the calm floating upwards from the deep, in the connections so obvious when the mind is still and calm.

The mind quiets, the heart opens, and loneliness is an illusion. For separation of any kind is illusion, we are all one at the source. One is never truly alone in life, loneliness is a mental state.

Humbly,
~TS

[MMI]

Rarely does one have the pleasure of reading something so simple, so eloquent and so meaningful.

I am sorry for your troubles and and happy that you found your way through it.

[thir]

And yet, the heart knows that which the mind obfuscates. I am not alone, I am never alone, and I do not require someone else to make me whole.

The mind quiets, the heart opens, and loneliness is an illusion. For separation of any kind is illusion, we are all one at the source. One is never truly alone in life, loneliness is a mental state.

Humbly,
~TS

I do not see loneliness as an illusion, though I agree with what you say, that we are all one at the source. But to me loneliness is when, for whatever reason, I get cut off from that connection.

[thir]

To me loneliness is that pit you get in your stomach when you go to reach for someone in the middle of night and they aren't in bed next to you. The ache in your heart when you think of someone that's no longer around and wish that they were still with you. Of course some might associate those feelings with grief as well and they wouldn't be wrong, to me they run very close at hand.
DLO

I agree. You can be lonely for someone who is no longer alive, leaving a 'him' shaped hole in you life.

[thir]

Not to get all clinical about it, but I think loneliness is probably a survival mechanism. Humans are social animals -- some more social than others. In a daily survival situation, we'd be like a pack, cooperating in a way that ensured the maximum number of people surviving. If we find ourselves alone for a long period of time, it may be that the lack of interaction with others kicks into loneliness, driving us to seek out other people and giving us a better chance of surviving.

I think you are spot on here. We are designed to be in groups, and the lack of that will have its effect on most people.

[awakening2]

Long time back I remember a humble philosopher felt isolated in his perspectives on the ongoing political situation in his country...he never believed in seeking guidance from the religious saints, but that day he went to a one about whom he had heard all good. The saint looked at the tired old philosopher and asked "what made you come to me? do you want to have someone you love? Philosopher shook his head and said, "I left that path long way back, in my youth after experiencing futility of it". "oh", said the saint," so you must be after money?" Philosopher shook his head again and said, never desired for it, as it cannot buy what I want? Curious saint asked again "are you after power, some political post - head of the state?" philosopher shook his head again and said, I do not desire for which I am not worthy off". Saint looked at him and got serious..."do you wish to meet the Truth, the Almighty?" for the first time philosopher also looked up and in a faint smile replied, ""metaphorically speaking, Truth Almighty is like an ocean, if me, His creature is a drop; if drop meets the ocean, it will remain no more a drop, it will become ocean and cease to exist. I wish my existence and remain a drop, but develop in me the capacity to appreciate the depths of the ocean"...The saint praised the Lord in ecstasy and then got lost in his rhythmic revolving dance, stopped and said, "go there is nothing I can give you here...you are on the path where I myself feel empty, but rest assure you will get it - only He will provide"

TS there is nothing I can say more…for your words (explanations) begins the journey where my words ended

PS: philosopher was Iqbal – The Poet of the East who died in late1930s

[TantricSoul]

Thank you awakening2, honestly I am at a loss as to how to properly address your message, and its layers of meaning, other than to say .... Thank you, my friend.

[IAN 2411]

Loneliness,

I have thought about this question so many times in the last eighteen months since my wife died.

Loneliness is a deep burning pain inside your guts when watching others that are still together.
Loneliness is losing a love, and knowing that it will never return.
Loneliness is jealousy when watching others sharing their love.
Loneliness is tears falling from your eyes for no reason, but there is no comfort at your side.
Loneliness is the knowledge of love in your heart that will never be shared with another woman.
Loneliness is a monogamist, lonely am I.

[Sir_G]

Lonliness is the condition in which you are unable (for whatever reason) to provide happiness to a person who you love beyond words because their happiness is essential to your own.

Seeing them smile, their laughter, a sensual moan, deep discussions that are nourishment for your soul are gone, that's lonliness.

[steelish]

To me, true loneliness is not having anyone to share happiness OR the burden of sorrow with

[P1972]

To me, true loneliness is not having anyone to share happiness OR the burden of sorrow with

Well said.

[Saheli]

Loneliness is a longing that we cannot fill by ourselves...It is having to figure out how to relate to others in solitude. Wanting to keep track of time to record how long you are held in the chains of desolation but afraid the knowing will only be depressing. Loneliness is not having anyone to talk to or care...it is knowing that nobody understands or stops to consider your situation, knowing no help is coming. Loneliness causes us to be socially retarded, if we are lonely for long enough. To be physically lonely you are by yourself, and if you do not already understand communication....if you are a child for instance...you may not have the opportunities to learn things other people will know, so that when you get older, the physical loneliness will transform into mental loneliness: you will know that you are behind...your emotional IQ will not be up to par, since you have not had as much opportunity to study others...you understand that your circumstances have thus set you apart from those around you, which is what I mean by mental loneliness--the realization that you will most likely be (or you already are) misunderstood, and that the misunderstanding is no fault of your own. This can become cyclic, where a person who is physically lonely as a child feels mentally lonely and then due to the feelings of inadequacy regarding socialization chooses to stay away from others as a defense mechanism; this self-isolation only compounds the feelings of social inadequacy, which makes it more likely that the person will continue to stay isolated.

[Canyon]

I'm not sure I could ever define loneliness, but it can seem to crush your soul. I lived in it for years.

[parasmurf]

Loneliness is the lack of connection that pains your heart. With can be with yourself or with others.

[angelhunter]

I am a loner, even through I hate that word to describe myself. I can't recall ever feeling lonely. My theory on people who feel that, it must be something deep inside of them. They say you can be alone in a crowd of people. I also felt I am never alone. Except when I was growing in my teens when I had these feeling about bondage and I use to feel alone, that there was something wrong with me and I was the only one with these feelings.