He said I was in denial,showed me something called Maslows hierarcy of needs, and the stages of acceptance.

Remember that your wife has to go through the same stages of acceptance, and though she may have not suffered that same physical harm as you, she did come close to death (losing you and her life as she knows it). She surely suffered quite a bit more emotional trauma than you. You got all those nice drugs and great round the clock care, not to mention all the hormones that your body releases in case of serious injury (with or without bleeding). She got to stand there and watch her world fall apart, under bright lights and surrounded by people who were talking through her, only pausing long enough to tell her how serious this was, and did she want to see a priest?

She needs time to re-establish her relationship with you, and, especially paramount to a D/s BD relationship, she needs to be able to trust you. She realizes that NOTHING cognitive can guarantee her safety- so finding an alternate way for her to accept her desired role is going to be hard. (doable, but not easy by any means.)

hope that helps, somehow