Thank you all for your advice again.

Tonight something happened that made me realize just how scared , frightened of losing me.
My family {brother ,and mother }called and said they would have to cancel coming down this holiday. I have not seen them since I became ill as doctors dont advise traveling.She broke down in tears after they called and said don't they realize this may be your last Christmas. She had never expressed that fear to me, as she didnt want to worry me.I realized at that moment the depth of her love. I showed her your posts here and we discussed our future together, calmly without her holding back. Tears flowed but she finally let me in,