Who has the most power?

[Flaming_Redhead]

In the beginning, the power is definitely equal, and on the surface, it would appear to remain balanced throughout a D/s relationship. However, in my experience, once a dominant has successfully gotten inside the submissive's head and heart and the submissive has truly surrendered, the submissive is like a puppet on a string. Granted, we are all adults and capable of making decisions, so protests of "he made me do it" seem kind of silly in the harsh light of day. Ultimately, we are in control of ourselves, but the feelings evoked in power exchange of helplessness, dependence, etc., are very real. For it to feel real, there cannot be true equality.

[openyoureyes]

In the beginning, the power is definitely equal, and on the surface, it would appear to remain balanced throughout a D/s relationship. However, in my experience, once a dominant has successfully gotten inside the submissive's head and heart and the submissive has truly surrendered, the submissive is like a puppet on a string. Granted, we are all adults and capable of making decisions, so protests of "he made me do it" seem kind of silly in the harsh light of day. Ultimately, we are in control of ourselves, but the feelings evoked in power exchange of helplessness, dependence, etc., are very real. For it to feel real, there cannot be true equality.

As far as the relationship itself is concerned, I believe the power is equal. We can choose to leave the relationship at any time if we are not happy. If a submissive feels they can't leave, but aren't being forced to stay, that's still a choice they are making. We are adults, not victims, and we all make our own choices.

However, as far as during scene, it's hard to say the submissive has control simply because they have a safeword. If I am tied up, regardless of what I say, I don't actually have the power to stop what's happening. While I may choose to be put in this situation, I still don't have the power to stop it if it goes too far. Yes, I have a safeword, but it's not up to me if it gets listened to.

[Dejah Thoris]

In the beginning, the power is definitely equal, and on the surface, it would appear to remain balanced throughout a D/s relationship. However, in my experience, once a dominant has successfully gotten inside the submissive's head and heart and the submissive has truly surrendered, the submissive is like a puppet on a string. Granted, we are all adults and capable of making decisions, so protests of "he made me do it" seem kind of silly in the harsh light of day. Ultimately, we are in control of ourselves, but the feelings evoked in power exchange of helplessness, dependence, etc., are very real. For it to feel real, there cannot be true equality.

Reading this made me realize that I very much feel the same way - and I would not want it to be otherwise. Thank you for expressing this sentiment.