This is a perfect example of why a face to face meeting in a vanilla setting is essential for this lifestyle and why other elements of SSC need to be implemented at all times.

As for not calling this BDSM... I can understand why it is a bad idea to link ourselves to this but the truth is the 'rapist' was someone who had a kink for rape which, while at the extreme end of BDSM, is still within the remit - a situation where there is a loss of control, an exercise of power and a certain amount of pain and fear. What if you were equally fooled into beleiving that someone else wanted whatever kink you enjoyed? Bear in mind that the majority of BDSM activities are illegal if inflicted on an unwilling subject (frankly they are illegal even if there is consent because you cannot consent but the difference is that the consenting person rarely makes a complaint to the police) so this is a situation all of us could end up in. What stops it from happening more often are the SSC and RACK rules and the fact that we take care to make sure of ourselves before proceeding. I think we need to take this as a cautionary tale and an example as to why we should be careful...