I've been reading a section in "The Surrendered Wife" (which is a controversial book and is definitely kind of offensively anti-feminist to read, but good for *my* relationship so I keep going).... Anyway whether this book is great or not doesn't matter, but her advice on sex is kind of sensible. Her basic premise is that women can restore intimacy in their marriages by "surrendering," and not trying to control everything all the time. It gives her husband the ability to feel like he's taking care of her because he is her husband and "a man" and the head of the household, and not because he doesn't want to hear her mouth if he forgets something... That kind of thing. Again this is not for everyone, lol, everyone should not go out and buy that book, it's kind of offensive and the way she treats gender norms as absolutes is CRAZYTOWN. Ok I'm getting off topic but thought I should at least explain the premise of the advice given.

So anyway, her advice on sex makes sense, at least to me, and it's that it takes away intimacy if you say "Let's have sex now" or insinuate that you don't have sex enough. She basically feels that if you take the lead, you're taking away the opportunity for him to do so, which could make him feel manly and sexy, and encourage him to take the lead more in the future. If you feel like you are initiating things all the time and this makes you feel less submissive, chances are this makes him feel less dominant, so stop it lol. Maybe try the "show don't tell" approach for a while -- act more submissive with your posture, with your tone of voice, defer to him while doing everyday things, go change into something that you know he thinks is sexy... Or anything else that you think might put him into the right "domly place" in his head and that he'll find sexy. And see where it goes. Trust that he is attracted to you and wants to be intimate and play with you, so do a little subtle seduction, if you want to play. If he really doesn't want to play that day, then you don't get to, he's the dom so try to follow his lead. I don't mean do this forever and ever and live unsatisfied, but trying to show him you're interested without taking on a forward/aggresive/dominant initiator stance might just work out for you. If not, don't do it anymore either.

Maybe try talking to him about rituals you might both find sexy? Even brainstorming things like that has been known to set some loins on fire, lol! Just small little things that can help you both keep in mind who you are to eachother, perhaps reinforce and encourage your new dynamic, and help keep the sexiness/intimacy present in the foreground. It might ease the transition so that neither of you will have to be in the "so, um, playtime NOW, or after dinner, maybe go prepare the dungeon in half an hour? or...?"

And lastly, just because you guys started out on this and are going for "a bdsm relationship" doesn't mean you need to feel submissive to him all the time, or you need to feel like why aren't you getting enough orders?, or that you guys even need to have a hard and fast "dom and sub" dichotomy. Perhaps you'll like your dynamic with a more loose structure. Play with it, and talk about it, so that you're both happy and are working on the same team, with the same relationship dynamic/framework as a goal in mind. The above part of my post were my attempt to give you specific things to try to keep up some intimacy, but talking and really understanding eachother and what you want out of your relationship is the most important thing possible. Talking about things in a sexy way, like bringing up sexy fantasies or things you've read, or in a "sharing our intimate thoughts" way, is a good way to ease into the overall objective, which is Huge Important Relationship Talks.