i really had no problem with picking up my son, or wrapping presents....it was more that He didn't communicate with me all day and night. He didn't text me so that i could make sure things were done...
we were very late to the party, i had to take a kid out to cvs in pjs and me with a fever and no jacket because He didn't communicate.

He had been sick and on prednisone for weeks. i have been walking around not being able to communicate at all because He has been a wreck and understandably so! Things have been more difficult than normal.

Ian, this did not occur in front of the kids..yes some "why didn't You tell me..." upset feelings stuff like everyone does at times. The defiance came when He didn't let me know anything all night.

i agree Delia completely, that is something W/we have been learning to do and it works better and better for us, as at first this has been bumpy.

i was upset because i was not allowed to say i was upset, He came home too late for me to talk about anything. i am disappointed because my response was childish.

Ian i am sorry for your loss.

and would like to know how do you balance in front of the kids? how do you find ways to how Delia beautifully said nurture both sides of the relationship? I thank you both for your time very much! life is complicated at times for us all and i strive to just live up to being the best i can regardless of vanilla or d/s...yesterday was not exactly my best at all! But for real, the issue for me was being in the dark all day and night and being a ritualized person, i need the transition time not to be stressed. i need the communication to be there so i am not thrown into things. part of my immaturity maybe. like i said, the issues are vanilla and my response ended up being adolescent. punishment is over, fit the crime, things are talked over..

i guess i am not asking clearly and i apologize. i just haven't developed the skills when things are so stressed like this...sick people, prednisone, broken cars, ruined dinner in the trash, all normal life happens stuff. i guess if i had had an opportunity to bitch about men to a friend i would have calmed down, idk! thanks again Delia and Ian