A lot of people do tend to redefine terms based on thier own preferences - look at the mess created by the definitions of 'sub/slave' in the lifestyle! Though I agree that the above definitions are good ones...

Of course, you can have a TPE set up where the sub does not always act submissive. The Dom can say 'Revealing any aspect of our lifestyle to outsiders without permission is forbidden and will be punished, this over rides any other orders' which means that:

- if a sub is doing a task and risks being caught, they have to stop the task to obey the long term order and should not get punished for not completing it on time (so long as they do eventually complete it when it is safe to do so)

- the sub is forbidden from calling their Dom 'master' in company or using any other term or mannerism which risks revealing that they are in a BDSM relationship.

So, by this method, the secret is safe without the sub at any point failing to obey thier Master's orders.