It took me months to get over my last rough break up (though it was a vanilla relationship, not BDSM). We'd been together for nearly 6 years and he started "seeing" someone he worked with. After the split I went through several stages, tried to work on things with him, then kicked him out, then freaked out about what I'd do without him and asking him why he did what he did (bad idea, that one), then I was bound and determined to drive cross the country to give him his stuff...

It's hard when someone you love does something that you can't possibly forget. What helped me most was talking to my family/friends and trying to find a bit of sanity and come to terms with being alone. I actually saw a therapist for a while, and it helped tremendously. This would be something I'd recommend if you need to talk about specifics of your relationship but don't want your family/friends knowing.

I also focused a lot on myself during that time period, and spent a lot of time getting back into my favorite hobbies. I made a list of things I wanted to do but was too scared of and made it a goal to start doing those things. I know it might sound strange, but focusing completely on myself helped me to reconnect with who I was, and come to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault for what had happened, and that it was ok to be happy without him.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.