And, two months later, things are steadily moving forward. He's the dominant, I'm the submissive. (apparently!) He's experimenting with all sorts of different things like rope, belts, brushes--anything that will make me squeal, shout, shriek--yet there's a pattern that's fairly explicit: i have to be annoying/bratty/'bad' in order to get _that_ sort of attention. Unless I ask. Which, I discovered, proves to be fun, just because i get to find different ways of actually verbally asking for it (and now i understand that does take practice).
What I'm missing and don't know how to bring up is the lack of 'protocol' (for lack of a better word). And here comes the theoretical question:
Do you think the only way a D/s relationship works is by a completely "out-there" conversation that talks in terms of 'BDSM' and 'safe words'? Do you go about it by saying "i'm a submissive" and after a brief or not so brief discussion you research it?
Or might there be a D/s relationship where things have evolved without the "formality" of it?

Also, just because I'm weird like that, I don't know how I could ever explain my masochism and submissiveness together. What I mean, is that my brain connects pain to, well, arousal. So even when he's discovering what thing requires what amount of strength to cause the sound effect and mark he anticipated and gets me squealing cause that was the first time i felt so much at once, I might be shocked by the stinging, but the arousal will actually follow the strength of the blow(s). I don't think he gets that, or if he does, he ignores it, which results in me being frustrated. There is just no mentioning of any sort of sexual play, which is fair enough, really, there wouldn't be time for sex after every time the mood was set for pain. But this is where the 'formal'/'informal' comes in. Had this been spoken about, had we decided on set roles and responsibilities, I don't think I'd mind the frustration. Or, to be completely fair, I think the frustration would turn me on even more. But because I haven't told him, and he hasn't explicitly connected 'pain' to 'horny girlfriend', I spend a fair part of my day getting hornier and hornier and hornier without knowing if he knows.

What do you think good folks of the library? Not discussing it obviously brings paranoia. It's the basis of my whole second worry: we haven't talked about it so i can't really make excuses for him, i also can't accuse him. I just don't know. So what kind of a conversation would you bring up? How would others go about it?