Quote Originally Posted by lucy View Post
I think it's a pretty big leap from having my pussy slapped during rough sex to admitting that I like a 'BDSM lifestyle', whatever that may imply. As far as I know, there are much more women who like rough sex than men would believe. Most of them would just laugh into your face/kick your groin/walk away if you asked them to kneel before you, though.

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Agreed. I tend to see a difference between the D/s lifestyle itself and BDSM activities themselves. Once can engage in the latter without too much real committment of anything emotional...one can be tied up, slapped around, etc and put that down to bedroom play or experiment. D/s however for me at least runs deeper than that, and for me is the foundation of why i want the BDSM itself. WIthout the D/s, the BDSM is meaningless (I don't want to have to keep adding the qualifier, for me, but please be aware this is all just my personal opinion, I am sure it differs for others and their views are just as valid). For me, the submission and respect are the bricks and mortar...the cuffs and chains the carpets and curtains.

I also believe that the impulse to either submission or Dominance, or both in the case of switches, is something far too primal to be a choice. I was married for a long time to someone who tried to be Dominant to my submission...but it always felt fake and like it was too much effort. It has to emanate naturally from both sources, like a primal energy, for it to be meaningful. Much as one loves someone else, and either tries to produce or suppress elements of D/s from within to please the other, if it isn't there naturally, it isn't there, and no amount of willing it to be so is ever going to change that, unfortunately...similarly, if it IS there, it is never going to go away, no matter how far down the road of denial you think you may have walked.

As some have said, communication, honest communication, is always the key in any relationship, be it D/s or vanilla. So talk to her. What do you have to lose?