Ok, the short version. I was desperate, and I prayed to a God I knew didn't exist, and I felt touched, actually touched in my mind, by God and it was such a real experience in my mind that I couldn't doubt after that. I realize that sometimes God says no, but in my case he/she/it said yes.

You know something weird, a few weeks ago I was listening to Christian radio, preacher hour, or whatever. They have it on a lot around here and sometimes I can't avoid it. There was a lady on and the words she used to describe her relationship with God were extremely sensual, almost sexual, and sounded exactly like how a sub might describe her Master. It was eeiry, like a perverted echo. And kind of cool because of that.