You mentioned violent porn, and someone else called it BDSM porn, but to me, both exist. Nothing my partner and I do, whether we're having a vanilla night, he's on top, or I am, we do not participate in violence. The closest is when I get clumsy and whop into him headfirst or something. We engage in different ways of touching each other, some softer, some firmer, some via surrogates like rope or leather, but we are not violence, it is love. Violent porn would bother/offend me, because it is non-consensual. I am a firm believer in, "An it harm none, do what thou wilt." Harm as in, hurt or damage against their will. I know you can hurt me a little and I like it-but you are not harming me.

You later asked if Dom see women outside BDSM as inferior, too. As far as I have seen and experienced, good Doms (I know, I'm opening a can of worms here, but you know what I mean: Doms, not abusers who hide behind lies of BDSM) value women greatly. The ones I have met, either in r/l or here, all treat women with courtesy, respect, kindness, and gentility. I have only once felt anything resembling a superior attitude, and I'm told that he is not really like that, I either misinterpreted (easy to do without the stress patterns of spoken speech) or I'd caught him on a bad day. If anything, they act as if we are slightly superior-which is part of why they value our submission so. Now, maybe I am wrong, or maybe I have been played by all the top-type men I have ever met, but if I, a woman in the scene, don't get that from our Doms, why should women outside the scene? I think this idea had to come from someone who observed the scene but were never part of it. Look at the post on the difference between a slave and a whore, and see how many of the woman posters like being called by demeaning terms during play, usually by their one master/mistress-not by the world at large, and these women don't internalize these words, they play with them. If you don't get that part, yes, you might think that all she-subs are victims of violence, that we are degraded or abused, when nothing could be further from the truth. I am glorified, uplifted, and in or on my way to sexual exstacy when I am in a scene with my lover/Master. I am alive as at no other time, with every nerve on high, every touch bordering on too much while being just right, every kiss, every word, every stroke with a hand, a paddle, or a crop is like a prayer in a sacred temple, given directly to the Goddess' High Priestess herself. BDSM porn should remind me of that moment, should remind him of the same thing How could thinking that way be bad for women?
You asked if BDSM was a defect. Nothing that can bring the level of joy that I read in Ozme's thread, "A Connection," or the joy I find with Dog could be a defect. It might be something we need more of. What if we quit judging what two (or more) consenting adults do together to find sexual joy or emotional closeness, and let it be okay for people to try things, to find the sex that brings them joy? What if people didn't settle for less than utter joy because they felt ashamed or wrong for what they wanted? What if we quit using labels as insults, and reduced our use of them, so people couldn't be outcast for being homosexual, or bi-sexual, or submissive, or dominant? What if we put the labels on the behaviors, not the people? Then we couldn't yell at each other, "you're a (fag, perv, lez, freak)" and could instead say, "Oh, you tried sex with (a man, a woman, ropes, donkeys, whips, dildos.) How was it? Not for you? Too bad. Have you tried . . ." Yeah, you caught me. I'm secretly an idealist. But wouldn't it be great? (Then that evil porn could be used as instruction or a menu. "Have you tried the whips with a side of your gender? Awesome combo, man!")