Questions on collars

[wingsofanangel]

-ho hums to herself beig very confused about some statments-

So were we supposed to state our personal feelings or not?

And if our personal feelings are inline with "politically correct" views, are we to not voice them?

I would never say something that I don't truely feel... while one can point out the general view of something, they can also point out the personal view of something... and I think both of those being voiced in this topic are important.

Perhaps Medic wasn't asking for a particular one... but nonetheless having a well rounded knowledge on the subject is better than blindly choosing a view. Also, others will read this that too have similiar questions... and why not cover all the bases?

or...

did I just missunderstand?

---Anya

[_ID_]

did I just missunderstand?

---Anya

Whatever your view is, that is fine. What medic was looking for was personal accounts. Personal thoughts on it. If your view is generalized, then fine, but I doubt that it is. If it matches the politically correct view fine. Just be specific, cause generalizing the answer doesn't answer anything.

[Ocean_Soul]

What is the politically correct view on collars anyway? Wearing a collar isn't politically correct in the first place.

And what would be an example of a commonly held non-politically correct view on a collar? "A collar is license to beat my wife to within inches of her life on a daily bases"?

[_ID_]

Perhaps just ignore my post if you don't like it. Would prevent hijacking the thread from medic and others trying to learn. My point is. Post what you think, not what you think is non-offensive (politically correct). Yes there is a political correctness even in communities like this.

[Ocean_Soul]

Perhaps just ignore my post if you don't like it.

Didn't like your post? It was just a question.

New Thread on this: http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...d.php?p=300680

And yes, I'm sure there are things that are considered politically incorrect in this lifestyle. But what are politically incorrect views on collars?

[annie]

annie - Yes that was wonderful, thank you!

You're welcome!

[~hellish one~]

What is the difference between a collared submissive and a slave?

What changes when a submissive is collared by his/her Dom(me)?

i've been keeping an eye on this thread and i just want to take a second to thank everyone who has replied with their own personal advice, opinions and knowledge in an effort to help answer medic's questions.

politically correct or not, i believe everyone is doing their best to help. we don't want to discourage people from posting and offering up their opinions here out of fear of being criticized. i'm not saying everyone has to agree all the time. if everyone had the same views on everything then the world would just flat out suck. i just think we need to be a lil more courteous to those who are taking time to try and help. that's all.

[annie]

annie would you be willing to explain what limitatios you were speaking of when you said that until your collar were in place there were limitations set by your Dom for your protection? I'm trying to wrap my head around this concept, and some examples from you would greately help if you were willing to share them...

i won't list the exact "limitations" that were in place. i will say that perhaps "limitations" is not the right word. More like His own personal rules that were used to help protect me from my own emotions. He understands how deeply emotions (at least for me) are tied to submission and so the rules were in place to ensure that the emotions were properly respected and yet not taken advantage of by either of us. (If that makes any sense.) i knew about some of the rules and some of them i didn't realize until later.

Think i need to clarify that we both agree that the emotions are good, needed, etc. for determining a relationship but there is also a point where they can become determental, especially when a sub (me) is starting to function in that mode again after an extended time away from it. The object was to ensure that the emotions weren't in control but were enhancing, facilitating the experience, and used to determine the direction of the relationship. Weather that was to move towards accepting His collar or to terminating the relationship completely to anything in between and yet i would still be left as strong as i was (if not stronger) before starting the exploration...

Ok... i don't think that makes ANY sense. i'm sorry, it's late and i don't know how else to explain it... lol. Good luck!

[Flaming_Redhead]

*sigh* I wasn't trying to be politically correct, either. I was trying to answer the questions as I perceived them. People aren't always comfortable sharing their personal views as it leaves them open to criticism. That being said, I will now share my personal feelings which I am reluctant to do because things are still being worked out and because I tend to ramble incoherently when discussing feelings and such. Anyway, my collar is beautiful! I don't feel like less of a person for wearing it. In fact, the exact opposite is true. I don't really care what he calls me as his endearments range from his redheaded treasure to his wet little fuckdoll. LOL The collar reminds me that he values me very much and wants me for keeps. By that, I mean a long time. No one knows the future. *smiles* You get the idea, though. I feel special because I am the only one privileged to wear his collar when he could have a different sub to play with every day of the week. I am not A slut. I am HIS slut. I am not A toy. I am HIS toy. I am not one of many toys or simply his favorite toy. I am his ONLY toy. I am not disposable. I am wanted...needed. I have always regarded collars with some trepidation. OK, the thought of being collared would put me into a state of panic. *ggls* I had the same preconceived notions that I would lose a vital part of myself...the essence of ME! I didn't want to lose the freedom I had only just recently obtained. I didn't want to again be smothered...crushed...the light inside to go out. I realized that my fears were based on past experiences in bad relationships. A wise man told me to look to the future, not the past. A wise friend told me to go for it...that this was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before and would change my life in ways I couldn't even begin to imagine. I know that I'm happier than I've been in a long time. He truly wants what's best for me. He is helping me become my own best friend. I gladly allow him to use all my fuckholes, spit on me, call me names, tie me up, whip me, cum on my face, etc., some of which I have never allowed anyone else to do. Why? I do it because he has proven himself worthy of my trust and respect, because I love him and want to please him, because he works very hard to please me and because he loves me. *blushes* I'm gonna go now....

[_ID_]

very well said red. thank you for being candid. I might also add, the man is lucky to have you. you do Him proud, and I am glad you have found happiness.

[usafmedic22]

*bear hugs red* and just when were you planning on telling me???!!!! :P congrats to you both girlie, you definitely deserve it, and i'm sure i'd say the same if i'd have met him. hopefully one day we have the chance to meet in person and chat....
thanks a bunch guys....i'm very happy to have the opportunity to read so many personal feelings/thoughts on this...i realize that it's a somewhat touchy and very intimate subject...

[Warbaby1943]

Very happy for you red and it really sounds like you found the right one for you. Stay happy.

[cariad]

...My view of a collar is it states that the bottom/submissive is in a committed relationship. ...

I would agree with you ID, to me a collar is symbolic of commitment to each other and commitment to whatever that relationship may be.

In the same way that I have learnt to never try and understand how other people's marriages work, I have given up trying to understand how other people's bdsm relationships work, we are all so different.

He whom I choose to serve has not given me a collar since I have not yet agreed to marry him. His logic, which I agree with, is that since I still have a reservation about making the commitment of marrying him, I cannot be fully committed to the relationship, and therefore I am not in a position to accept his collar.

At the other end of the spectrum, I have respect for online collars if it is an established relationship and both parties are as fully committed to each other as their circumstances permit.

I would disagree with one point however - to me a collar shows that both Dom/me and sub are in a committed relationship, even though it is only the sub who wears it.

cariad

[ceegee{Benz}]

I would disagree with one point however - to me a collar shows that both Dom/me and sub are in a committed relationship, even though it is only the sub who wears it.

cariad

My Master wears my collar...of sorts lolol.
When I accepted his collar he also accepted a neckchain of mine that is a family heirloom. The pendant is an anchor.
Not only does he carry a picture of us but he also has a piece of me close to his heart at all times.
is a bit like exchanging weddings rings...is how i can explain it

[Warbaby1943]

I would disagree with one point however - to me a collar shows that both Dom/me and sub are in a committed relationship, even though it is only the sub who wears it.

cariad

I have to agree with this statement. It is how I have felt for a long time and the reason I could never understand how two or three could wear the collar of one Dom/me at the same time. I guess I could understand a Dom/me having more than one sub but I don't understand more than one of them being collared at the same time. I guess I am old fashioned probably because I am old but that is my opinion.

[MajesticFae]

My Master wears my collar...of sorts lolol.
When I accepted his collar he also accepted a neckchain of mine that is a family heirloom. The pendant is an anchor.
Not only does he carry a picture of us but he also has a piece of me close to his heart at all times.

That's beautiful, ceegee! It's a little funny, that's wonderful that he keeps that piece of you close to his heart.

I agree with Warbaby and cariad too that the collar signifies a commited relationship between Dom/me and sub.

[tessa]

~hugs you tight~

That is beautiful, sweetie!

[cariad]

Hmmmm - me thinks so too ceegee.

cariad

[ceegee{Benz}]

Hmmmm - me thinks so too ceegee.

cariad

smiles

[_ID_]

I would disagree with one point however - to me a collar shows that both Dom/me and sub are in a committed relationship, even though it is only the sub who wears it.

cariad

Since the thread was about what a collar signified for a submissive, I didn't include my thoughts on it from the Dominants perspective, though I did elude to them I think.

So since it was brought up, I will clarify. I did say that a collar signifies that the sub is in a committed relationship, one that I would desire. Just so there isn't a misunderstanding, yes, I would be also committed to that relationship as the sub and I defined it.

[Eponine]

That is so neat! I loved reading your big blurb about your "significant other" lol... I can so relate to everything you said there (except I always knew I would wear a collar from the right One).

Cariad,
Great point about both being committed!

Medic...
so how are you faring so far with all this input you've gotten?

(...and to ID and Medic and everyone... was there a thread I missed about the two of you?.. I mean, that's so awesome... )

[usafmedic22]

mari-
I'm enjoying this greatly actually. Getting the different perspectives is more helpful than I could have imagined. I'm also reading Different Loving, on Sir's advice, and it's been enlightening so far as well. Initially I thought that SM 101 was the best out there...but now I'm understanding that SM 101 is an awesome book, but doesn't go into the dynamics of the relationship and the different emotions that both go through throughout the relationship like Different Loving does. Neither is better than the other, they're just different. lol....no pun intended...but i'll leave it alone...
And as far as a thread regarding the two of us...no there hasn't been a thread...lol, we haven't even established what we define ourselves to be to each other, much less announced it....neither of us is much into opening up much of our personal lives to public view...nothing against anyone, we're just a little more on the private side, partially because of our profession. So to answer your question, nope, you haven't missed anything regarding us.
Thank you all for the input...please please continue!!!!
medic

[KoTe]

For me collaring is something like a BDSM wedding. Yesterday my owner gave me a collar with the words "Will you marry me"... So we got engaged And now I have a beautiful red collar, and it is very comfortable! I`m happy

[Sir_Russell]

Just my $5.50 worth. I am training morgan to be my slave, this doesn't mean (at least to me) that she has nothing else in her life.

She is a strong willed, intelligent and competent lady. We have contracted her slavery requirements and more importantly those areas that I have little or no say in. This may sound strange to some but what right do I have to control her profession life or her family life.

I often ask for her opinion and value her answers, she is free to question or suggest to me anything if she does it in an appropriate manner.

Once again a good Master is after his slave being the best she can be in all aspects of her life.

The fantasy that anyone can totally control another person at all times means that controlling person has little time for their own life.

I agree with the set of collars since it shows that both have made a large comitment to the other.

[Tasker]

As others have stated in this thread, a collar is a symbol as is a wedding ring. The meaning and power behind it is dependant on the couple involved.
Having said that. childbride finds she feels a sense of security, contentment and reasurance in wearing hers. she will often touch the silver chain that is her permanent collar in times of stress or when I am not with her and find comfort in it.
Her house collar is fur lined leather and wearing it (when she can. we have kids) intensifies the feelings she gets from her permanent collar.

Hmm I realy aught to point her to this thread she caould most likely bescribe her feelings better than my stumblings.

childbride is a slave. Perhaps our outlook differs to many, but we came from a long marriage before we started exploring the lifestyle and Mutualy decided what we wanted out of it. she craves the control, desires to serve, yet still has a voice, spirit, opinions, and offers advice. She was my wife a long time before she became my slave and that partnership is still in existance and always will be. We are also monogomous by choice. that little line in the marriage vows "cleave unto no other" is a cornerstone to our partnership and a solid belief
Yes I can dictate what she will wear, eat, and do, but that is what we both wanted at the outset and works for us.

At the end of the day it is what works for the people involved. everyone has a different set of desires and ideals. So long as the relationship is happy it is a case of live it love it

Paul

[isabeau6]

i have been told that it takes time to become collared..that it takes time to find the right one for you..and that also it takes time to get to know each other..i have been accused of wanting just any collar i can get..and also that i'm impatient...impatient yes that is a flaw of mine, but grabbing any collar just for the sake of wearing one, no that's not true..i did that two years ago, when i didn't know any better...the fact is if my ex hadn't hurt me so badly, i would still be wearing his collar now.. that being said...i got to know Rabbit1 over the weekend..all day saturday and all day sunday..we talked for ever it seems and got to know everything about each other..and realized we are perfect for each other...so although it's best probably to get to know each other over time, well we did that all this last weekend..i am proud to be his submissive..in the process though, i've upset someone that i was having a playful sort of relationship with..and i'm sorry about that..he knows who he is..he doesn't post much..hardly any at all..but i never wore his collar..

i trust Rabbit1, and i feel that we shall grow in our relationship as time goes on..i know it happened fairly quickly, but he has been in this lifestyle for 25 years and i believe he knows what is what..so i will be guided by him..

[tessa]

Sincere congratulations to you and Rabbit, isabeau.

[Rabbit1]

Sincere congratulations to you and Rabbit, isabeau.

thanks tessa

[isabeau6]

Sincere congratulations to you and Rabbit, isabeau.

thank you tessa....

[jeanne]

Congratulations, Rabbit and isabeau!