I'm not sure this should be in here...just a short something I wrote this morning. Please feel free to tell me to move it elsewhere...thanks.

Memories

There was little to be said. The contract had been made and the term served. I had consented to this contract of ownership of course, but nevertheless, the pain of letting go of my master was vicious. It tore at my heart and soul in a way that I could not suppress by will alone. A great sob tore from my throat and he looked at me. A trace of irritation in my lovers eyes, but an understanding irritation. He knew what agony I was now suffering. The pain of separation…perhaps he shared it…I could never understand his higher motivations for doing what he did.

My lover, my Master of three glorious years came across the room to me. He smiled at me sadly, his fingers brushing away a few strands of my hair and stroking my cheek.
“Its time” he said
I lifted my long black hair from my neck and held it high. His hand went around my neck and there was a click and the thin silver band that had graced my neck for nearly three years was removed. Another sob wracked my body and tears rolled from my eyes and across my cheeks. I loved him. I had always loved him and when he brought me into his life I had finally felt complete and at peace. As he pulled the collar away from my neck he was careful not to touch me again and quickly turned his back to me.

I had never felt so alone. The world seemed to crash into darkness around me and I felt an insane urge to get up and run to him. Throw myself at his feet and beg for longer…anything…to keep me with him. But he continued walking across the cold floor towards the door at the far end of the room. Without stopping he opened it and disappeared beyond. The loud metal clang of the door closing echoed in my heart and soul. What had I done…why had I consented to his request…of course…I’d answered my own question. It was his request…it was my joyful position to grant his requests.

Slowly I pulled myself into the bed, curling into a tight ball, my knees up around my face and my neck aching from loss. Sleep refused to bless me with the darkness of oblivion. My eyes, now painfully red and raw from crying were wide open, staring into the abyss of the unknown. A million questions buzzing through my mind.

The letter sat on the table beside the bed. I’d been given one last command. To open, read and accept what was written inside exactly 24 hours after I had been released. A tiny part of my mind rebelled…wanted to reach out and tear the letter open, to gaze upon his words once more, to perhaps smell his familiar scent…but…of course…I could not.

Eventually, exhausted, I drifted into a fitful sleep which took me back in time. To happiness I had never felt before and feared I’d never experience again.

When I awoke I padded softly towards the bathroom…as I washed my hands my eyes remained fixed to the floor, unwilling and unable to look in the mirror. But mirrors have that way…they draw you in…demand your attention. I glanced up and a fresh wave of agony impaled my heart and soul. My neck bare and exposed seemed to scream at me. I yelped in dismay and my hand went out to smack the offensive reflection.

I had, of course, been without my collar many times during the contract, but this was different. My collar had been removed…taken…by the man who honoured me with it. I would never again feel his hands clicking it back into place…never again feel my hair brushing across its surface. I fled from the bathroom.

I looked at the clock…it was time to open the letter. I sat on the edge of the bed with my hands shaking and my fingers clumsily gripping the envelope. I closed my eyes and drew a slow breath, calming myself and slowly tore the letter open.

“My dearest Annika, I want you to remember who you were the day we met in London. You had been invited by our mutual friend. I had flown into the city the day before, seeking a new trainee, but not expecting love. I had been sitting at the bar, quietly disappointed with those I had so far seen. Then you entered…you were a picture of dark beauty personified. The way you moved told me of the pain you carried. And, yes, a need…a desperate need that you had yet to compartmentalise. I have spent nearly 20 years now providing light to those who I felt needed it. Bringing those who are blind in the vanilla world into a place where they can see the fantastic colours of the wider world.

I watched you move around the rooms for over an hour. I worried that you may have been too young, your Goth outfit and demeanour spoke of a level of immaturity…but still…there was something in your eyes. Your voice spoke confidently but I, and others, could hear how fragile a shell that confidence was at that time. I introduced myself to you. Your hand in mine. I felt something there and in that very moment I saw deep within your eyes…deep into your soul. A terrible pain. An unsureness. That was the moment I decided I would help you. Love was slower to come, but it did come…unexpectantly and painfully for me since I knew how brief a time I would have with you.

Two months later you were living with me and a month after that you honoured me with your submission. The collar I had made for you is unique and I will forever treasure it. Know this now Annika, no other will wear this collar. No other will have that right or privilege.

I asked you to remember the person you were when we began this journey three years ago Annika because I know you are now more than that. You still have the beauty, the intelligence and lust for adventure…but you now have confidence, experience and…most importantly…power.

You will return to London soon. You will feel the pain of loss. You will mourn our passing. You will, I have no doubt, become stronger again. Find someone. Find someone who will give you the joy I had in finding you. You are free.

H.”

I brought the letter to my lips and brushed them across his name, breathing in the scent I could still sense. Tears poured from my sore eyes and I slumped back onto the bed clasping the letter to me.

I was in that room for five days.


I’m staring out of the large windows, the rain lashing down upon the cityscape beyond, and for a moment the memories of that painful week were allowed into my heart and mind. But I don’t dwell on them anymore. For H was correct. I was stronger and when I returned to London I found I had developed a need to switch. I had two disastrous relationships with a woman and a man. Neither seemingly fitting my new life style. But neither disaster bothered me too much. And I kept on searching.

Then one day, I had been invited to a private party in Hammersmith. Mz Whitmore’s parties were always a must. She would always sit at the end of the room, her chair seeming more like a throne, and she the queen observing us all. I had been there for little more than an hour when you came in. I wish I could say there was an instant frission of pleasure between us…but it came a few minutes later, with a drink in your hand, you had drifted nervously towards my end of the room and you turned your eyes towards me. That was the moment…I felt a burning heat flare within me…your eyes seemed to blaze with a pain and darkness that I too had once upon a time let consume me. I crossed the floor, three, four feet perhaps in a blink of an eye. My long black dress flowing around me as I moved.
I wondered what your reaction would be when I lifted my hand to your cheek, but you allowed the touch, allowed my hand to move your face so that my eyes were boring into yours once more. No words had yet been spoken. None needed to be. My hand slipped from your cheek and softly brushed your perfect neck and shoulder as my eyes drank at the fire you gave me.
As my hand dropped I reached out for your wrist and pulled you softly towards a darker, private corner…ignoring the soft smiles from those watching us. Without needing an explanation I turned your wrist, nodding at what I saw there, I lifted your arm to my lips and pressed them against your skin allowing my teeth to just gently indent against you.
Your gasp and lustful smile was all the response I needed.

It was later when you had accepted my invitation to my home, you showed me the true scale of the inferno you had within you…neither of us left my apartment for over a week. And even if we had chosen to do so, our battle bruised bodies would have aroused too many questions from those who are blind.

The darkness outside was deepening and the lights behind me cast my reflection onto the window. A deep, satisfied smile lifted my face as I heard the lock turn in the front door. You are here. I turn and await My Lover…


Pain XxX