There have been many threads in the forums in the past dealing with the question of "What is different between a submissive & a slave?" but because there have been so many new members joining since the last thread, and there is some discussion of it in another thread, I thought I would start a new thread where we can all discuss the question.

The easiest way to put the difference is this: All slaves are submissives, not all submissives are slaves.

I am going to talk a little about what I mean when I say "slave"... it's easier in my opinion to describe a slave then it is to describe a submissive... so I'll start there & people can jump in...

Note: Please remember when you post that your opinion is your own & no one else's--they might disagree with you & by posting your opinion, you're allowing others to contradict you & to say what they believe. Keep it civil, keep it informational, keep it good.

"Definitions"
The crux of the problem when discussing the difference between a sub & a slave is that there is not an actual "definition" of either--go to 100 different BDSM sites or clubs & you'll get 100 different definitions. However, there are tendencies that most would group into sub or slave & those tendencies usually distinguish between the two.


Online v. Real Life
There is a strong deliniation between o/l & r/l (or r/t or itf or whatever you wish to call it) when it comes to defining a sub & a slave. In r/l circles, there is a clear division between subs & slaves in most instances. This tends to be because in r/l, the behaviorisms, including day to day mannerisms & responsibilities & activities of the sub/slave, tend to be a very accurate physical manifestation of the beliefs & philosophy of the pair, and the pair has the ability to control the atmosphere & setting 24/7 (in most cases). In o/l however, the lines between sub & slave blur because there is no (or far less) actual physical control & contact between the sub & the Dominant so by nature the definition of sub & slave changes. In an o/l relationship, the vanilla issues are not often incorporated into the D/s aspect of the pair's interactions and thus there are many things that the D does not control.


Slave
A slave is at the far, extreme end of the spectrum & the transition to slave from a sub is gradual, intense & time-consuming. No true slave starts out as a slave--you must learn the basics of servitude, submissiveness & other things before you "become" a slave. In good relationships, the dynamic has changed over time from D/s to O/s (or M/s). It's analogous to becoming an expert at a hobby. You have to start by learning the hobby, becoming astute at it, learning differences in it, learning how to do different types of things w/i the hobby, learning about how different people in different places perceive the hobby, and then, only over time, you become an expert in it.

A slave in r/l is not what most people think.

Most r/l slaves are 24/7 TPE (total power exchange) with their Master/Mistress because by definition, a slave is under the control of their Master/Mistress at all times. Often, slaves will refer to their Master as "Owner". This is not just a choice of terminology, but most slaves find the term more accurate because they are actually owned--they have given away the choices in their lives to their Owner in everything from vanilla aspects to play aspects. They live their day to day lives to serve & please their owner. While they derive much joy out of doing this, slaves do not always have the choice as to what they do.

The collar that a slave wears is usually quite simple. It is often a chain or some other mostly non-descript type of "jewelry." This is because for most slaves, their slavery is something between themselves & their Owner. They have to function just like everyone else in the r/l, they have to interact with vanillas all the time, and so there is little "fetishwear" involved, such as a big black thick leather collar. That's not to say slaves don't have play collars *grins* but their general, daily wear collar is most often non-descript.

Slaves, like everyone else, have jobs/school/etc. Often, slaves will be employed (or in school to be employed) full time. Owners don't want lazy slaves sitting around all day, and on the flip side, slaves have to function in the real world. It is rare (I haven't come across one yet!) who stays home all day everyday "taking care of the house" & doing the other things written about in fantasy stories. Slaves are an integral part of the household, sure, but their Owners often want them to work & further themselves & their careers as well. Does this make slaves who work outside the house less "slave like"? No. If their Owner said "no more work," the slave would stop--it's Ownership, practicality & balance.

This being said, a slave is obviously not at their Owner's feet 24/7. The slave's daily behavior is goverened by rules, etc. If faced with a new situation that the slave doesn't know how to deal with, the slave will often ask "What would my Owner want me to do?", which is different than a sub who would most often ask "What should I do?" The daily lives of slaves are very similar to all others, except that they have daily routines that are planned & supervised by their Owners, and their tasks are usually less pleasurable for them but more pleasing for their Owners... slaves don't have the luxury of saying "eh, don't feel like cleaning today." If Owner says clean, slave cleans... It's hard to explain, and I am sure I have failed miserably at it, but a slave's life doesn't revolve around sex--it revolves around serving their Owner to the best of their ability all the time.

For a slave, the greatest happiness is found when their Owner is happy. If an Owner is pleased, they will often communicate it with a simple smile, pat, stroke, kiss... Unlike how it is portrayed in stories & elsewhere, there is often NOT a lot of "play" with slaves & Owners--there are daily things to be done, a vanilla world to live with. Most 24/7 slaves live in a world of respect, service & obedience, but do not get "hardcore play" all that often. Slaves aren't slaves because of the sexual aspects--they are slaves becuase that is where they find the deepest happiness & fulfillment--it's where they find themselves balanced & content.

Owners
An Owner KNOWS their slave. They know their slave's limits, aspirations, life history, goals, behaviorisms, attitudes... they know everything physical, emotional & mental in nature about their slave. Owners value their slave as a prized possession & are often VERY possessive of their slaves. They will willingly share their slave's non-sexual service with others, but they don't just "lend the slave out". Unlike fantasy world, Owners cherish their slaves, but do not spoil them, persay. Slaves know their place in their Owner's house--it might be different slave to slave or Owner to Owner, but a slave is not necessarily the sole sexual partner for their Owner, nor are they necessarily the Owner's only responsibility. They become, in essence, a part of the Owner's household.

An Owner would never do anything to put their slave in danger-- after all, the slave is a prized possession-- but they also don't necessarily negotiate everything with their slave before doing it--sometimes they just do what they want & the slave must do what is expected. Unlike submissives, who have limits & can have the ultimate veto, slaves generally only care the limits of their Owner. As an Owner knows their slave so well, the Owner knows what is appropriate & possible for the slave. However, say there's a kink/task that the Owner loves that the slave doesn't. The slave will graciously take part in the kink/task out of love & respect for their Owner, regardless of whether or not hte slave likes it--because the slave derives their joy & happiness out of their Owner being happy.

Slave, Owners & the Vanilla World
Unlike all the fantasies, slaves don't usually wander around with leashes dressed in slutty clothes. Slaves function in the vanilla world just like everyone else. Unless you know just what to look for, you most likely wouldn't spot them. When out with their Owner, slaves generally follow a certain set of rules & decorum--you won't often (if ever) see an Owner publically admonish their slave or a slave purposefully lash out in public--the dynamic between the two is so well developed that it's more like watching a dance. Often, the slave won't even be aware of all the "little things" that they do--it's just that they are so engrained in the slave's life that it is what it is. Slaves will always defer to their Owners in public, and there are some common general rules slaves follow when with their Owner--they walk on one side of their Owner a certain distance away, they usually have speech rules, and will generally show a high level of decorum & respect to anyone they come across. Slaves & Owners are human like everyone else--they have to function in society & they do so seamlessly. You will very rarely (if ever!) see a slave or Owner call attention to themselves--that's just not what they do--it's sort of against the "code," if you want to call it that... They tend to be very private people & don't "flaunt" their lifestyle decision.

So why be a slave?
Being a slave isn't for everyone. There's nothing WRONG with being a sub & NOT being a slave--in fact, most subs are, by nature, not good slaves. Slaves aren't superior to subs and not every sub should strive to be a slave. Slavery works for those that it works for. Slaves are another link in the chain, but they aren't the end all & be all of the "submissive universe."

However, for those who are slaves, it works. It is where they find fulfillment and happiness, it's where they finally find "their place" in the world. Many experiment with slavery & then return to being a submissive because they find it is not for them. Slaves are generally very self-starting, determined, creative, focused, devoted people who simply find that slavery is how they wish to live their lives.

Gorean Slaves
Real life gorean slaves are very similar to most 24/7 TPE slaves. The difference is that some of the vocabulary & customs are different between the two. Goreans have different ways of doing certain things (positions is one example) & live more by the philosophy instilled in the Gor books. However, REAL gorean slaves are VERY VERY similar to other slaves--they don't boast about Gor, they don't pretend they are there--they incorporate the gorean philosophy & life into their lives as much as is practical. Gorean slaves generally get a really bad rap in BDSM because of the plethora of o/l "goreans" & some r/l goreans who aren't rooted here on Earth. However, the vast majority of goreans, and gorean slaves in particular, use the Gorean philosophies & adapt them to their lives where possible.

Play Slaves
Play slaves are what the majority of Lifestylers think of when they think of slaves. These "slaves" (and I use quotes lightly...) are usually submissives who enjoy the slave kink--they like acting as a slave when they want, most often during play. However, play slaves don't have a real slave-Owner relationship, usually they have a D/s relationship at best. Slavery is something that they dream about & fantasize about but is not really their reality. They might say they are devoted to their Master/Mistress & are their "slave", that they'd do anything for them; but when push comes to shove, they like the control that they have over parts of their lives.

Ultimate "Choice"
A slave's last choice is to beg for their collar. That's it. After that, their limits are their Owner's. People will say "oh, but slaves choose to serve, they can choose to do what they want." Sure, that's true within the context of any human's ability to decide their own behavior & make choices--slaves are no different. However, unlike submissives, who can set a limit, veto certain types of play or activities, or choose what they want to do, a slave has none of those options. A slave's collar is dependent on their obedience & they have entrusted their lives to their Owner. Their Owner in turn takes the responsibility seriously & will care for the slave. A slave can choose whether or not to be in collar--beyond that is their Owner's choice. And yes, slaves have day to day needs just like everyone else--they have to function--but they live for their Owner, not for their own pleasure persay.


A Good Book Series to Read on Slavery: "The Marketplace" (5 books in the series) by Laura Antoniou. It is the most realistic glimpse into real life slavery.

This post isn't meant to make people pissed off or for folks to say "she's telling me I'm not a slave! I AM A SLAVE, damn it!"... It's more for general education of the "Real world" behind slavery.