I have a vanilla friend who I *thought* I had reason to believe was into BDSM (in retrospect, this was an unfounded assumption on my part). I asked him about it - not inviting him to play or anything, just asking if he had an interest in it - obviously, I was wrong, and he's really weirded out now.

I've already figured out that just asking him outright like that was a massive, massive mistake, I really just did not think things through at all. What I'd like to know is if there's anyone here who has made a similar mistake, and what you did to smooth things over so to speak, because I really don't want to lose his friendship over this.

There's another level to this...part of his response...he said "you just brought up the one aspect of my life thats been causing me the most pain". I'm afraid now that he DID have previous interest in BDSM, and instead of just weirding out a vanilla friend I've triggered bad memories for him. I don't know what else he could have meant by that, but I am wary of making rash assumptions again.

I can't believe I was so stupid, and I'm terrified now that he won't feel comfortable around me anymore.