Punishment?

[ChurchofVirus]

Enjoying the beginning of a soon to be two hour fuck session I began to find myself frustrated. Here's my frustration, being mostly new to the bdsm scene I am quite inexperianced, and my knowledge and imagination can be quite the hinderance when it comes to domination and punishment.

My frustration began when I decided that my love was beginning to get a bit unruley, so I was going to bind her hands, and she began resisting. I was going to put her over my knew and give her ass a few good slaps but she was resisting pretty hard, all in good fun mind you, but within my question here are two questions.

1. One, I do not fully understand how to keep control and obidiance, she'll follow my command for the most part, but she likes to resist and most of the time I don't mind, actually it can be fun, but sometimes I want to keep control. For instance when she resists me physically or won't listen to a command.

2. My other question is about punishment. My love is a sado-masochist, when I punish I only really know a few limited options. Spanking, biting, scratching, hair pulling and cranking on her nipples. Is there a good source for say a list of punishments? Punishments involving/not involving pain? I feel so lost on good punishments, the ones I use now are more for the instances when she resists cause she wants to be punished, so I go along with it, and are extremely bland when it comes down to it.

I look forward to the responses, I need substance here.

[hotfirefly]

I am a sub, but I think this might be helpful so I hope that is o.k. for me to reply to your post. Please forgive me if I'm being too forward.

http://www.ecstagony.com/eng/spanking.htm is a good source for all different types of punishments(erotic, non-erotic, painful, non-painful).

for our relationship (it might be not be the same for yours) if I struggled while he was tying me up, he'd give me a spanking to let me know he was serious. If I continued, he'd get annoyed, stop what we were doing, and tell me to let him know when I am willing to behave. Then if he was feeling generous we would continue what we were doing, with a punishment later. If he wasn't feeling generous I'd do the punishment right then, usually something long and boring (like writing lines or corner time), with no more "playing" for me (but a lot of pleasure for him) for a while.

I hope that this help.

[ChurchofVirus]

Thanks for the reply, definatly helps.

[SheepishJaina]

The worst punishments are the ones that aren't sexual, but are something you dislike alot.

Like ironing. I had a dom make me iron all of his shirts one night. I HATE ironing. Writing is also a good tool. Writing I will not X 500 times is enough to change any one's mind about behaving badly. Standing in the corner for 20 minutes is also something that's enough to drive me batty. Be creative with your punishments. If she dislikes it, It'll usually make a great punishment!

[Scorpio'sWill2Power]

Some of the resistance you speak about might well follow along
with what you mentioned about being sado-masochistic.

Her way of insuring she's going to receive some just rewards for
bad behavior.

Loyality and obedience doesn't have to come from
a harsh touch or rigid discipline. Denial of affection and
attention can go a long way to putting your house in order.

Ask the hard questions. Why do you seek to constantly thwart
my efforts to give you the guidance you need?

Do you feel you can be better served by other means or even
by someone other than I?

Find what she desires most and remove it from the equation
until such time she gets her act together.

BrattyOne has previously mentioned a form of time out. That works
well in some cases to give them time to think about their actions.

Sitting on a stool in the corner, kneeling for a period of time.

Cages work great as well, act like an ill mannered animal then
be treated as such.

I'd already talked about denial of affection and attention.

Assigning chores or projects are another way.

When was the last time you had them scrub the tub or shower
using only a tooth brush and do so with hands restrained together
in front of them?

Use a marker and their body as your canvas. Write their
transgressions on their body so that they can see what they have
done wrong evey time they see their reflection.

If they don't remember to do something you've asked or
instructions you've given them, then write THINK in bold letters
on their forehead.

Are they giving you sass or back talk? If so write RESPECT
on each of their facial cheeks.

Not doing as they should for you on a personal level or
about the home? Write IDLE HANDS across the back of their
palms.

If they really want to act up and be a disrepectful pet then
threat them like a common pet. Draw some whiskers on them, make
them wear a hair band that you can fasten some home made
plastic or paper ears to and take a fake fur tail and pin it to their
panties so they have to wear their true colors around the house
till you remove it. Take them out in public like this if you choose.

Meowwwwwwwww, I really like this one, you'd be surprised how
that can change an attitude pretty damn quick.

Just some food for thought for you.

[ChurchofVirus]

Wow, tons of great advice, thanks much.

[maddie]

Personally, I like to resist a little, too. It's fun! But I rarely do it, unless it's called for in a scene, because, well, being tied up is more fun.

I think the way I'd handle it is to sit down with your sub, when you're not "playing", and explain (in your best domly voice) that this sort of thing isn't acceptable to the degree it's been happening, that there are times you're going to allow it, but not always. Maybe establish a command that stops it. (Geez. The mere thought of a command like that makes me all wriggly. *fans self)

Punishments for subs, like punishments for kids, need to not be just threats and they need to not result in something the sub/kid likes (i.e. sending a kid to his room, where all his stuff is). It also shouldn't go past the limits y'all have established.

As always, communication is the key. I find it most effective to talk about issues like this when we're not playing. Curiously enough, it often results in play.

[dzire2pleeze]

CoV...i am in agreement with maddie; however i know for a fact that Scorpio's treatment of a misbehaved and recalcitrant submissive would work on me...just reading it...well.. like maddie said ~fans self then goes back to reread what Scorpio wrote~

[slaveanita]

Scorpio has some great ideas there.

I don't pretend to be any expert and have really a short but intense grounding in BDSM, but it seems to me that the last thing you should punish a pain slut with is......pain! cos that's what she wants. You could even reverse the conditioning here and make her earn her whipping, only geting it if she is exceptionally good, and do deny her what she most wants if she is not up to your exacting standards. Then she will realise that you mean business. You could, as suggested start using an expression that really equates to 'this is your last chance, anymore fucking about and you're in real trouble', maybe not even explicitly, just use it and then punish her and do it again next time. If she's clever, and she probably is, she'll learn not to push you any more and will know you are serious. Perhaps twenty minutes ( gauge this but increase it with persistence of the behaviour ) leashed up ALONE with her hands restrained from her genitals and possibly a gag will teach her to be more compliant, she will learn that she is not in control as she sits in boredom waiting for you. I know this involves forcibly binding her but when she is bound you can make the point very clearly and at your leisure.

Don't take any crap from her. Be consistent, I would suggest a complete non-tolerance of that behaviour rather than a 'sometimes she can do it' approach. She is to stay totally docile while you bind her. At least until you have her properly trained. Subs are like dogs or errant children, consistent punshment and they will learn.

I feel like I'm giving information to the other side here

x

ps maddie, those are really hot shoes

[ChurchofVirus]

Thanks for the advice! I can use all I can get, often times I feel very frustrated cause I'm not able to keep control nor am I a very good master. I try, then again I'm learning, my biggest problem is being constant and doing bdsm stuff. I'm not very creative at all. : /

Pretty much I'm not good at acting like a master, definatly doesn't come by nature. I know the things she enjoys when we mess around, it's mostly a bedroom thing, mostly, but I'm not very good at doing it, ei, humiliation, physical control and especially punishment/reward. I've been reading a lot of information yet I still don't know how I should be conducting myself in the situation, I have the idea but it's actually doing it that's the hard part. I almost wish I could watch other master/slave couples do thier thing so I could learn from it.

Patience is a virtue.

[slaveanita]

CoV,

I think you need an injection of confidence. You have to take control of your sub. It's a bit of a spiral because if you don't project that you will not inspire it in your sub. BDSM is a lot more about the MENTAL link you form. Similarly if you LOOK like you know exactly what you are doing, remain consistent with boundaries and follow YOUR plan you will project confidence. Think of what YOU want to acheive from your sub and then extract it from her ( within agreed limits of course ). For punishment and reward have a few ideas to hand, a repertoire that you can do for each and pull out when needed, some light and brief, some more severe, depending on her behaviour and manner. Do not hessitate to exercise them.

If she is good tell her that she is from time to time, after you have established yor authority, if she's anything like me, she'll love to be found pleasing. I get a warm glow if my Master or Mistress calls me 'good girl' or 'good slut'. Tell her you may let her cum today. It's pretty simple, if she's good she gets rewarded, maybe

If she's bad she can't cum, certainly tell her this, it will work better if she's horny, you could stimulate her to that state and then make the point to her. She could be packed off to bed helpless and in heat to sweat for a night. If she is displeasing, negatively re-inforce it with warnings and then punishment.

Then get her to do what YOU would have her do and guide her approriately through it. Be picky with her to emphasize your control and enahnce your satisfaction. When you have a bit more co-operation from her, then is a good time to make her do something she finds humiliating to drive the point home a bit.

Just a few ideas. Hope you get that little subbie standing in line. That's, I'm sure, what she really needs.

x

[ChurchofVirus]

Thanks again. I'm definatly trying. As I said before I'm not a dom, I always want control but I'm not the dom type, but I do believe it is in me, so getting down the role is the hard part but I'm working on it. I need to spend more time with her discussing our roles more, because she has years of experiance and she's my best source of education. She's a switch so I'm considering suggesting she take the dom role here and there so I can learn from her actions, though that'll be wierd for me cause I'm definatly not a sub.

To everyone who has responded to this tread, thanks a ton. For a guy who never knew really anything about the scene who has jumped in head first, feedback and information are a godsend. This is a great community and I'm glad I managed to find it. Your all really awsome!

[MasterC]

well, What I did(Mine was the same way), is I thought of some rewards to give her when she does particularly well. These make her realize you are pleased, and most all subs/slaves live to please their Doms. they help to keep them striving to do good. Asfar as punishment, there are soo many options besides pain. Mine loves pain, but HATES to be bored. So recently I made her stand holding a coin against the wall with her nose for 2 hours. Trust me when I say it was very very effective. The key is to find something she does not enjoy for punishment.

Some subs require a firmer hand than others. It sounds like you need to dig deep inside and find the confidence you have to have to take control of the situation. If your trying to spank her on the ass, and she resists,and you strike her leg, she'll get the point quick enough. You just can't give in to her struggling. As long as she knows she can make you quit, she will keep it up.