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Thursday night. My visit to Lila is due.

My punishment is in process. More exactly, it has just started. I got only 19 strokes of 600. My back is still raw, i suppose tonight i will be punished on some other part of my body. Only you never know it with Lila. The girl is wonderfully whimsical. Like a fairy.

She is smiling at me as usual. How i love her. i simply crave to be humiliated by her.

She sees about that immediately after i have kissed her feet, ...

I just dont get it.


I was going to rant about this but thought that my Title and contents would do its job.

Monday night. Lila arrives.
She kisses my lips. i kiss her feet.
She smiles at me.
“Tonight you will be punished, dear.”
“Thank You, dearest.”
She used to torture me, but she never punished me before. If there was some debate between us, she always insisted that we sit down together, fully clad, as equals, and talk the thing over. These talks generally concluded in my admitting being wrong and kissing her feet. i love her so much that i can't bear being right ...

i really believe that. Having a secret that no one else knows makes life thrilling (or dangerous, depending on the secret... but isn't that somehow thrilling, too?)

i don't mean a secret like when the milk in your fridge expires or if you're not a natural redhead -- i mean the kind of secret where you get off work and go home to be led around, naked, on a leash *weg*

Just the other day i was working, suggesting materials for a costume we'll be building for an upcoming ...

In this world we are bound to run across all sorts of people. There are white people, brown people, yellow people, not quite white people who speak spanish, not quite black people who speak french, French people who surrender at the first sign of danger and drunken Irishmen. The point is, there are a lot of folks with a lot of differences. I get it.

What I don't get are dykes and fags.

Now, before I go on I need to define dykes and fags. Dykes and fags are homosexuals ...

i am writing this to clarify my situation, so that if it is not obvious, i may refer to this page, without telling it again.

i am a working girl, i will be 22 in July. More than a year ago i met a young colleague, Lila, who is two years older than me. We became close friends very soon, and she is still my best friend whom i love dearly. We had long, intimate talks. She was the first person i revealed my masochist fantasies to. To my great surprise she confessed that she, in turn, ...

i do not understand...i dont think i ever will....why must i always be viewed as a threat?

So I went to the Dr. today, but I went to the wrong one. Despite my hopes, the hard painful lump/mass thing isn't reproductive tract related. So I have to go to the regular doctor. -cry-

It's almost definitely intestinal. I'm really worried cuz my mom has horrible horrible crohns and I DONT WANT THAT. Not only that, but it takes so long for them to diagnose anything down there, and then they don't do anything about it. If it had been reproductive there might've been surgery or something, ...

So much has happened since my last blog. I have been posting elsewhere in the meantime, but thought that I may as well post a few thoughts here as well.

It as been almost 3 months since I began my relationhip with my Master, and about 2 since I got my official collar. Master has been out of the Scene for a while, so we are slowly working ourselves back into it, but are not comfortable doing so in our city yet, and are thus traveling out to a neighboring town to attend classes, seminars, ...

i just cant help myself *smh*

We're getting married!

More accurately, we're eloping... in 3 weeks, 3 days. *grins* The families have no idea... it's going to be just us, exactly how we want it.

That said, we are planning it to be a very satirical affair, lol. We are not traditionalists in any sense of the word and our day will certainly reflect that. *nods*

i'm not posting any details for now; it's enough to get the secret off ...