sinful_desires {Nikon}

Having lost my blogs i am going to post the ones i did save again.

I have now been with my Master for 8 months and i have to say that giving myself to him was the best decision i have made in a very long time. I know how very lucky i am. The past 8 months have been filled with a lot of learning and a lot of patience on my Masters part. my emotions have been severely tested, not by him but by myself. i have had many issues i have had to deal with in order to get to where i am now. i had built all these walls around me and he very slowly broke them all down. At times i built them back up, i was filled with insecurities for a very long time. My Master has to be the most patient and understanding person i know. He stood by me and helped me work through all my fears. We have spent the past 8 months getting to know each and every thing about each other and we continue to do so. His patience with me is commendable. I have always either trusted too quickly or i have found it extremely hard to trust. It has taken my Master 8 months to totally win my trust and to be fair he has never given me reason to mistrust him. I guess having been hurt before i just assumed he would be the same, which was a mistake. I should never have compared my Master to anyone else. Sometimes it takes a long time to heal from past pain and i have been very lucky that he was so patient and understanding with me.
I have never had any problems submitting to him. I knew very early in my heart that he was the one for me. I have, on occasion tested him and pushed him away. Not because i wanted or needed to but because i was scared of what i was feeling. I was scared of not being worthy enough, of messing up and of disappointing him. I spent so much time worrying myself that i wasn't good enough that i lost track of one very important thing. It was not up to me to judge myself. With the help of a few very good friends (they know who they are) they made me realise things that i could not see for myself. I was focusing too much on my feelings and thinking i knew best when really i was way off track. Sometimes my Master has had to really push me to tell him what is on my mind and it has been a battle because i have always been so used to keeping things to myself. Over the past 8 months he has figured me out pretty well and knows when i have something on my mind and will not allow me to hide anything from him. I know now that it is so wrong of me to even attempt to hide my thoughts and feelings from him.
It has taken me 8 months to see in myself what my Master sees. It doesn't matter that i don't like certain parts of my body and try to hide myself away because he loves every part of me and his opinion of me is what counts. When he tells me i am beautiful to his eyes, i should be proud of who and what i am.......