good_girl

*sits down at the keyboard and looks back at what I have already written*

I have received a few comments both here and in PM from people who can relate to my story so far. I remember all to well feeling very alone and confused at times while my life was in transition. I’m sure there are others out there now who feel this way…to these people…you are not alone!!

So…back to my life story LOL

It was right about my 39th birthday, I had been to hell and back in my life, I have now realized that for so many years I had not known myself, had not let myself be the person I was deep down. For the first time in my adult life I didn’t have anyone who was dependant on me…I was free!! And I was lonely It’s as if I had given myself a wonderful new toy and couldn’t play with it.

I became preoccupied with learning everything I could and with meeting that person who would be patient enough to deal with my uncertainties and fears. I changed my profile on the dating site very subtly, just enough that one would have to read between the lines to understand, many didn’t but a few did.

I talked to both Dom and sub men, a few I still touch base with from time to time now. I met my first Dom a few months later, he is not local to me and our first few chats were very casual, but soon the D/s began to develop, we both agreed then that this would remain online only (neither of us willing to relocate).

Life was wonderful…I had a Dom who was firm yet patient with me and treated me wonderfully; I had discovered the forums here and was slowly becoming more comfortable in chat, I had friends in the lifestyle

My Dom encouraged me to continue meeting people, to play online, to read and talk to people…basically he encouraged me to grow *smiles* and then one day he told me it was time for me to transition to real life, he wanted me to start meeting people outside of the little box that had become my safety net. This scared me, I had become quite comfortable, I had felt freer than ever before, and I listened to him…I returned to the dating site much less enthusiastic this time, I felt as if I was giving something up and I didn’t want to give anything up.

Eventually I did meet someone, tall, good looking, a real sweetheart and new to the world of BDSM himself, perfect. As much as My Dom wanted me to move forward it was difficult to tell him that I had met someone, when I did he gave me his blessing and sent me on the next leg of my journey. Little did we both know this would be a very short trip. Within 2 months I knew too well that it was over, he didn’t seem interested in making the time for me and I didn’t feel the way I knew I needed to. I felt very discouraged and continued to hide behind my computer, had a few dates and a few playdates but nothing was turning into anything. On the advice of someone in chat here I joined a BDSM dating site…met lots of trolls LOL and lots of Dom’s who only wanted to know if I would relocate ugggg and then I met one Dom, not exactly local but only 3 hours away, again because of distance we agreed to be friends and so the friendship began. We chatted until late at night and often in the day as well, one night he asked if he could call me, we talked for about an hour and said good night. The next day he called again….we only hung up after we realized we had been on the phone for 7 hours…I had to meet him *smiles*


After my first post I cried…tonight I’m grinning from ear to ear…what a change my life has had in just 2 years *smiles*