Would You Give It Up?

I tried living without any D/S in the relationship or in the bedroom without realizing exactly what was missing until a few years ago. I tried and tried to explain what it was I needed, and the only response I got was that he pretended to listen to my needs and then promptly ignored them. I tried talking, leaving him a book to read and marriage counseling. Last year, when it finally got to the point that I was going to have to go back on antidepressants and was anorexic, I ended my 10-year marriage. I have seen a couple of vanilla guys thinking that maybe it was just a fluke or...something. The last one ended with the guy refusing to participate in bondage or spanking, telling me that collars and clamps were not sexy and that the things I told him I wanted him to do to me were "crazy shit." It just confirmed what I'd suspected all along. I'm a certifiable freak. Would I give it up? To quote the raven, "Nevermore."

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Originally Posted by Flaming-Redhead

The last one ended with the guy refusing to participate in bondage or spanking, telling me that collars and clamps were not sexy and that the things I told him I wanted him to do to me were "crazy shit." It just confirmed what I'd suspected all along. I'm a certifiable freak. Would I give it up? To quote the raven, "Nevermore."

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Maybe he's the certifiable freak? After all, what is beautiful to one is a marked mess to another.

None of us, not even the vanillas believe it or not, are freaks. We just are who we are. You keep quoting that raven, Red. And keep searching for your dream. Now that you know what it is, you'll find it in plain site one of these close by days. :)

tessa

just after I stop breathing. . . .

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Originally Posted by TheDeSade

just after I stop breathing. . . .

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Perfectly stated.

Now that I have found what has been missing in my life I would never go back.

Thank you all for making me remember again how lucky I am. :)

Yes, this past summer it seemed like I was going to have to give it up, and my husband and I were miserable. There were times when both of us thought we were going to part ways. But eventually he found the strength to re-assert himself and I found the strength to give in to his wishes. From the moment I started falling in love with him I could tell that he had a dominant personality, and I feel honored that he has been able to explore that side of himself with me.

At the time when I didn't think our relationship could involve D/s, I kept thinking about other ways to satisfy my desires. Since I'm bi-curious and he had said that he wouldn't stop me from experimenting with women, I thought about finding a Domme to chat with online or maybe meet in person. I also ended up taking out a lot of my masochism on myself at the gym, which resulted in a small reduction in frustration and a very hot body that has unfortunately gotten somewhat squishier since my personal life has taken a turn for the better. :) But in retrospect, I don't think I could be happy if I wasn't being dominated by him. I have never felt as profoundly loved and honored as I do with him now. :)