I would love to see something like this Russell, it would make this internet a safer pace for all of us.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir_Russell
I would love to see something like this Russell, it would make this internet a safer pace for all of us.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir_Russell
jiggy, just when I thought you were improving you come back out like this. shame on you.Quote:
Originally Posted by jiggy
I know people with repressed memories, and it is an extremely rare thing. I do not know the stats but personal experience shows me that most people remember the abuse quite well. kitty is free about admitting the abuse, and my personal guess is that her submissive tendencies triggered it at least in part.
kitty, this does not make this abuse your fault. What I am saying is is that your father saw your sub tendencies, and took advantage of them. this is what abusers do, they take advantage of people and opportunities.
I absolutly agree with Rhabbi here. I have been abused when I was 2 years old (and I do not remember that event... but have the consequenses tho) and as a result vulnarable and scared off easily. After some kids picked that up at school I was teased (and not just kids stuff, but heavily teased) until I was 15 years old. At that age my walls of self defence were zero and I was happy with any attention I could get...good or bad. So when I got my first bf I said no but didn't act upon it. After some relationships something snapped and I had no emotions whatshowever about anything anymore. I was the abuser and used men just to dump them afterwards. My sex life got more and more extreme because I just wanted to feel something. Well at 17 I ran into the wrong Dom and eventho I promised myself not to do anything against my will anymore I did it anyway. And that's even worse...
Now it's an outlet, yes I am still extreme, but it's in control. It gives me a powerful feeling that even when it *looks* like abuse to others I can stop it any time I want to. And that's something that I was looking for all my life. I want to be able to stop it, and enjoy the pain, embarressment, love and lust and when I can't handle it simply stop it...
Sexual abuse:The improper use of another person for sexual purposes, generally without their consent or under physical or psychological pressure (which may include children whether abused by parents, those in loco parentis or strangers).
Physical abuse: Where one person inflicts physical violence or pain on another.
Verbal abuse: When a person uses profanity, demeaning talk, or threatening statements.
A question, jiggy. Tricking a sub and pissing down her throat? (From another of your posts) Would that not be classed as abuse? Forgive me-but I am confused by this. You appear to dismiss a large proportion of subs, yet at the same time seem, in my opinion, to be possibly verging on abuse yourself? I am interested as my own experience clearly doesn't match your own. I only know that I have sat here many times and been moved to tears by the admissions of some subs-many of whom are well-balanced, intelligent people who have come to terms with their sexuality and their leanings. They have not supressed their memories-otherwise would be unable to openly chat about them. I cannot accept that such brave souls are victims any longer or have been diminished by their experiences. I can, however, believe that some abusers have tainted their souls by their actions.
I've had an ideal childhood, and loving parents. I was talking with someone who hadn't been as fortunate recently, and I think I shocked him slightly.
See, we had similar interests, beliefs and attitudes towards life. He found it impossible to comprehend that two people with such contrasting backgrounds could turn out sharing so much in common. There's no detracting from the harmful effects of abuse but - jiggy - it isn't the be all and end all of what makes us 'us.'
Look around you - read the posts. Learn.
I'm really not following how you can imply that anyone who's been sexually abused can't be a balanced person who understands what they're getting into when it comes to BDSM. I admit that I was molested at a young age, but I've managed to grow since then. I didn't walk into this lifestyle blind to my options. I chose it because it suits me, not because it's all that I know.
Now, I admit that it's possible for someone used to abuse to to continue to seek it out simply because it's what they know, but that's not a given response for all people. The fact that someone has been abused really impllies very little about who they are at present, which is really all that should matter.
I know that I am a sub whether or not I have a Dom, and I believe that applies to many, if not most or all subs. It is not something I have a choice about. Neither is it something which I want to change, it is part of me which I have come to terms with and embraced.
Yes, I have also been abused, and I would venture to suggest that was because I was giving out submissive signals long before I was aware of such things.
One of the things which has helped me to recover from that abuse is a loving and supportive Dom. From within that relationship I am able to see how the significant physical pain which he inflicts on me is something good and how the much more minor physical pain, although severe mental and emotional pain and confusion which was inflicted on me by my abuser was bad pain.
Without my good Dom, it would have taken me much longer to reach that understanding.
I have much greater concerns about abused people taking on a Dominant role before they have worked through issues of revenge and unforgiveness. That, I believe, is when, sometimes, there can be a real danger.
cariad
This thread is pretty much removed from my experience. I am a sub and have never been abused; my husband is a dom and was sexually abused as a child by a step-parent. I can see, though, how someone who had been abused might be interested in BDSM as a controlled situation in which to face the things that were difficult to think about or remember on their own. In that context, I don't think it would be irresponsible for their partner to dominate them as long as both partners were honest about their expectations and limits and attentive to whether someone was getting overwhelmed or upset.
I dont think anyone has the right to judge a person that has been abused. If anything a person abused would not choose this lifestyle especially my fortay which is hardcore S & M. I met my girl 4 years ago. In the early discussions she advised me of her past, which I wont discuss because it was in confidence.
I can honestly say my cg has very high standards and is an excellent slave who sets a fine example to others and her past has never stopped her from being the person she is today in fact its made her better.
Now as her Master I do not treat her any differant because of her past. I just do what I do best, Master her in every way I know.
Her past has just made her more understanding to others, if there was a fault in that its that she does too much for others and not enough for herself, but how can I disagree with that when in fact all she does is make myself and other happy and smile....
Keep the great work up my girl, I am very proud of who you are and where you come from..
smiles
with love
Your Devoted Master and partner.
Ohhhhhh, what a wonderful post. Thank you Sadistic1. Feeling all gooey inside now...
The breadth and depth of your love for, and cherishing of your slave, oozed through every word.
cariad
Quote:
Originally Posted by cariad
Thank you cariad, its very easy to speak the truth about someone you love so dearly.
sometimes good things come out of abuse....smiles...you change your direction and find someone who cares and loves you...
Thankyou again for your kind words.
big hugs..
I find that life usually balances out like that. Tremendous pain or hardship tends to be followed by such good things. Though, wonderful things eventually crash or taper off to a mild pleasantness. To me it just seems to be the cyclical nature of life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sadistic1
I'm not by any means saying that relationships have to crash or lose all their fire, but keeping things changing in the relationship or even going through some hard times together definitely makes things more interesting, and thus passionate.
And for the record, both my Mistress and I have suffered abuse as children. I'll give no details beyond that, but I don't believe it means it's in our best interests to be excluded from this lifestyle. I think, to the contrary, we do a lot of good for each other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iron_Lynx
Well said and your right you both excel with each other..
I was driving home when I thought about this thread...
Whatever the sub and her Dom do is founded on a relationship of trust and respect. The submissive trusts her Master in what they do, He knows best and knows his girl well enough to gauge reactions and difficulties. Some might think that the abuse is continuing, but if the submissive of her own free will allows this, then it is her choice and safe words are always there in the back of her mind. But with time and trust, while the word is there, it is seldom used, unless during a play session there are cases of flashbacks or sudden fear to escape the situation - which I can relate to and thankfully I have a Dom who understands this and knows how to reassure and change the mind set.
The difference is the person abused didn't let what happened to them happen with free will or because they wanted it....it was done to them against their beliefs against their will, or done to them without even realising it was abuse when they confided in others.
That is why it can work, if you have a partner who you can trust with your heart and mind to take these steps, then it isn't abuse because it is willing on both sides.