Orgasm Control- The In's and Out's

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ozme52

I'll tell you what thrills me. After a long play session... in the shower, washing up, I get soaped, rinsed, hair washed, conditioned. I turn, gaze into her eyes, lean in, shift my stance to "invade" her personal space (yes even in a shower you have personal space) and whisper in her ear. What thrills me? The shock in her eyes... the way her mouth ovals as she gasps "Oh!" as her body totally surprises her... cumming... and then I tell her I won't let her fall and her orgasm overwhelms her.

After that... my voice is in her head.

---

um, wow. I think when my husband gets home I'll suggest that we need a shower. :D

I would like to know more about the orgasm-on-demand aspect of this conversation, honestly. During sex we often play the "not until I tell you" game, and I can cum on demand because I've been needing to for a while already. But I've heard about people who can cum on a vocal cue or from non-direct stimulation (one guy swore he could make his gf climax by biting her shoulder, through the magic of conditioned responses). Is that something you can learn to do? What's the training process like?

And Euryleia, that was an awesome story excerpt. :) Very good writing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hime

And Euryleia, that was an awesome story excerpt. :) Very good writing.

---

Thank you. ~fights blush~ I'm glad you enjoyed it.

As I am sure I have stated else where I practice orgasm control for mine. She is told very early in the relationship even before I decide whether I will accept her gift, that she can not climax without my direct permission. Yes that is all inclusive. She is to call me if I am not there to grant or deny permission. I know that this training allows growth in many different areas.

First she learns that I am the one in control where it really counts but only because she wants me to be. She has the right to refuse and find a new Dom.

Second, it teaches her to beg, god I love to be really begged, till it becomes second nature to her. These first two are very important to teaching her to let go of personal control and give it to me.

Third, once it has become established she will learn multiple climaxes and to climax on demand when I want it the most. I am deep inside of her and I want the thrill of her climax to take me over the edge.

Third, once she is trained she can experience a climax like no other, the one that goes from my getting her excited then stopping touching her in any way and telling her "cum for, cum for hard, show me how much you love me, cum for me NOW'. I am told that the climax is so mental that it almost hurts her body. Finally I can have her cum by just talking her into it, without any touch by me or her.

Once these have been established cuming by herself is almost impossible and to cheat lol is about the same. At that point I own her and have to screw up big time to lose her.

Other may disagree and that is fine I can only explain what I know

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir_Russell

As I am sure I have stated else where I practice orgasm control for mine. She is told very early in the relationship even before I decide whether I will accept her gift, that she can not climax without my direct permission. Yes that is all inclusive. She is to call me if I am not there to grant or deny permission. I know that this training allows growth in many different areas.

---

I have a question about the sub asking permission to orgasm.
I understand the training and the reasoning of orgasm control, so I also understand the reasoning behind asking permission.
I was just curious as to when permission is granted or when it is denied. Is it part of a certain process, or is it determined by the mood of the Dominant, or how well a sub can beg for it.

I personally do not like begging, but then again I am not used to it, and find it to be a bit embarassing. I would not even want to ask if I could have an orgasm, I would be nervous to do so, I would probably feel that I had failed something somehow.

Sorry if I hijacked this thread a bit.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cadence

I have a question about the sub asking permission to orgasm.
I understand the training and the reasoning of orgasm control, so I also understand the reasoning behind asking permission.
I was just curious as to when permission is granted or when it is denied. Is it part of a certain process, or is it determined by the mood of the Dominant, or how well a sub can beg for it.

I personally do not like begging, but then again I am not used to it, and find it to be a bit embarassing. I would not even want to ask if I could have an orgasm, I would be nervous to do so, I would probably feel that I had failed something somehow.

Sorry if I hijacked this thread a bit.

---

I suck at begging. :p It is definitely a turn-on for both me and my husband, but it does not come naturally.

I think that a lot of us submissives are into what we are into precisely because we have trouble asking for what we need and worry about appearing weak in the "real world." We try really hard to be tough and independent, and it leaves us with a real need to be cared for. A lot of us are used to living in cultures (particularly corporate culture -- notice how many submissives have some kind of white-collar office job) where having needs and limits is thought of as a failing to be eliminated; it's no wonder we seek out those who are willing to give us what we need and respect us for our strengths without disregarding our weaknesses.

So if begging is something that you are interested in doing, it's possible that the process of overcoming your barriers to asking for things and your fear of failure would actually make the experience more gratifying for you. The feeling that "if I have to ask for help it means that I've failed" is probably something that makes your life more difficult, and working on it with your dominant partner could be a really liberating experience. :)

We want you to beg us because that is OUR kink. We relish the power you give us when we control your orgasms and begging allows us to wield that power (perhaps over simplified.)

The training... differs from dom to dom, as does the approach. How we arrive at the goal of our sub cumming on cue differs, even the cues may differ... but the goal is the same. Control.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hime

Is that something you can learn to do? What's the training process like?

---

Yes, you can learn it. The training depends on you and your dom or trainer. I've briefly discussed my approch but am available for ... consultation.

Euryleia
lovely story excerpt

lovely collection of info you made there FR. thanks

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Logic1

Euryleia
lovely story excerpt

---

Thank you, Logic1. Glad you enjoyed it.

each couple should take the time to define each term for themselves, but in my mind orgasm restriction is you are not allowed to cum for X amount of time or you arre not allowed to cum without my permission. Orgasm denial is you are not allowed to cum period and orgasm control is you are not allowed to cum until I say so.

Those are my personal definitions...like i said...each person/couple needs to discuss and define each term for themselves.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cadence

I was just curious as to when permission is granted or when it is denied. Is it part of a certain process, or is it determined by the mood of the Dominant, or how well a sub can beg for it.

Sorry if I hijacked this thread a bit.

---

You didn't hijack it a bit! You added to it. My thanks. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir_Russell

Finally I can have her cum by just talking her into it, without any touch by me or her.

---

Fascinating. Absloutely fascinating. I can't even imagine that. How much time does it take to develop that sort of ability?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ozme52

We want you to beg us because that is OUR kink. We relish the power you give us when we control your orgasms and begging allows us to wield that power (perhaps over simplified.)

---

Over-simplified or not, the insight is invaluable! So appreciating you for this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hime

I think that a lot of us submissives are into what we are into precisely because we have trouble asking for what we need and worry about appearing weak in the "real world." We try really hard to be tough and independent, and it leaves us with a real need to be cared for. A lot of us are used to living in cultures (particularly corporate culture -- notice how many submissives have some kind of white-collar office job) where having needs and limits is thought of as a failing to be eliminated; it's no wonder we seek out those who are willing to give us what we need and respect us for our strengths without disregarding our weaknesses.

---

That is another spot of brilliance. Excellently worded. And so very clarifying for me personally. Thank you for taking the time to say it in just this way.

Ma_am, your definitions make perfect sense to me. Not sure if that's such a positive reflection, coming from me... :rolleyes:

:wave:

I have never been told NOT to cum cuz I live such a damn vanilla life, so I don't know how to hold back. that would be interesting to learn how to do and to see what it's like to have a totally awesome orgasm.

I find it easier to hold back on demand than i do to cum on command. Not sure why. My experience in mostly o/l so do you think that might be why?

Any answers welcome!

rach

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cadence

I have a question about the sub asking permission to orgasm.
I understand the training and the reasoning of orgasm control, so I also understand the reasoning behind asking permission.
I was just curious as to when permission is granted or when it is denied. Is it part of a certain process, or is it determined by the mood of the Dominant, or how well a sub can beg for it.

I personally do not like begging, but then again I am not used to it, and find it to be a bit embarassing. I would not even want to ask if I could have an orgasm, I would be nervous to do so, I would probably feel that I had failed something somehow.

Sorry if I hijacked this thread a bit.

---

cadence

First do you have any idea how many subs feel just that way, begging is against what we have been trained to do all our lives. Many find that being begged is embarrassing a type of manipulation by the person begging.

Second, Oz stated a an obvious truism that it seems most subs didn't "get". You stated one also that most Doms don't get. So thank you for that.

I hope that Oz and mine comments will help you to know that it isn't failure but success to beg your Dom which will please him very much and, this may shock you too, make him very proud of you and being your Dom. There is nothing else that does that quite like begging.

I have said to all of the sub/slaves that have promised themselves to me that they can get anything they want for me if they go about it correctly. The happiest ones learn that kneeling in front of me and begging sweetly for what they want would only be refused if her request was harmful to her or us.

Can you learn how to beg, yes you can everyone knows how, and begging for a climax when you know it is required is the way to start. I would advise your Master to punish you for each climax you have without permission and for that matter to refuse even the simpliest request if you don't beg him. This training should only be done in private but must be done for each of you to really be M/s.

I don't understand how the power exchange can be complete until this is done, and once you have, excuse the term, mastered it both of you will live the life you want.

Russell

Tessa

Fascinating. Absloutely fascinating. I can't even imagine that. How much time does it take to develop that sort of ability?


It varies with the lady and not every lady I have trained has gotten to that point. Those that haven't made it fought the training to the point that they were released.

You must remember that sex is really in the head. So to be able to find the stimulation there to climax should not be surprising. Also this is a difficult feat for the Dom/Master to train since it takes a lot of reprogramming, see my reponse to cadence, and the strength to follow through when other events are can be more immediate fun.

The first time he talks you into a climax while driving the car or just talking to you over the phone will make it all worth the time and effort for you both.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hime

So if begging is something that you are interested in doing, it's possible that the process of overcoming your barriers to asking for things and your fear of failure would actually make the experience more gratifying for you. The feeling that "if I have to ask for help it means that I've failed" is probably something that makes your life more difficult, and working on it with your dominant partner could be a really liberating experience. :)

---

Thanks for your comments Hime, I can personally relate to much of what you stated. I think that the hardest thing to do is break down and overcome the feelings of what you feel is wrong, uncomfortable and taboo.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ozme52

We want you to beg us because that is OUR kink. We relish the power you give us when we control your orgasms and begging allows us to wield that power (perhaps over simplified.)

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir_Russell

I hope that Oz and mine comments will help you to know that it isn't failure but success to beg your Dom which will please him very much and, this may shock you too, make him very proud of you and being your Dom. There is nothing else that does that quite like begging.

I don't understand how the power exchange can be complete until this is done, and once you have, excuse the term, mastered it both of you will live the life you want.
Russell

---

Yes both you and Ozme have answered my question. Thank you to both of you.
I sometimes fail to fully understand the reasoning behind certain things that Dominants want to achieve, I suppose due to the fact that I have an extremely difficult time letting go of ingrained thoughts and habits.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tessa

You didn't hijack it a bit! You added to it. My thanks. :)

---

Thanks :) , I should stop doing things like that.
I think one of the worst qualities I posess as a person and submissive is my insecurity in myself.

WARNING: sappy comment ahead - but do not confuse me with anything/anyone fluffy or pink.

This thread and the discussion within are the reason why Oz and Sir_Russell will be always be the Doms whose opinions and insights I value the most. Gentlemen, your patience with our questioning and your willingness to share your thoughts and feelings and insights with us is invaluable. You're doing a great service (besides just making me sigh :) ).

Searching, yet again, for my thesaurus,
jeanne

Just thought I'd ad my 2 cents.. I begin by finding what a sub is accustomed to as far as frequency of orgasm, and how strong their sex drive is. The key is to make it fun, not annoying. Then try to maybe push the limit a bit, until you find a denial time that's enjoyable. I so love to have a sub right on the edge, willing to be there for my pleasure and begging to cum. I'm actually more sadistic in orgasm control as opposed to inflicting pain. However I do love to tease while giving a good spanking.

PS - West Side Academy is also open to enrollment ;)

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3981

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ozme52

We want you to beg us because that is OUR kink. We relish the power you give us when we control your orgasms and begging allows us to wield that power (perhaps over simplified.)

---

Oz, that is an excellent summary. For myself, when I see his response to my begging it brings me even closer than I was before.

I love this thread, for lots of reasons....

It has some really good information and deserves a bump.

So

BUMP! :cool:

So..... let the begging begin!!!

*smiles* jeanne this is so helpful and kind of you to bump *grins*

i have enjoyed reading all of the thoughts on this and have paid careful attention to both Sir Russell and Oz's comments as this is much the same path MR takes *sighs blissfully* though the more i beg somehow the slower His speech becomes and has been known to add a "so pet wants/needs to cummmm....hmmmm well she cannnnnn....eventually, but not yet"

and Oz...Doms have "kinks" GASPS! ...smiles

*smiles*

and cadence i was right there with you in that it was difficult for me to learn to let go of my reserve and beg, but the rewards have been immense.

hugs!
cali

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by caligirl{Rob}

and cadence i was right there with you in that it was difficult for me to learn to let go of my reserve and beg, but the rewards have been immense.

---

I always struggle with that first "please". I have to fight myself to say it. But after that, they just slide right out, easily.

And those immense rewards....well. Yes. *yearning sigh*

orgasm control may not be the basis for the Life but it is the basis for my section of the life. From the very first meeting I am telling her that she can't cum without my permission when we are together and that if we move on to any real relationship then she can't cum ever with out my permission.

I then send her cards and emails designed to make her hot and wait for the phone to ring.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir_Russell

orgasm control may not be the basis for the Life but it is the basis for my section of the life. From the very first meeting I am telling her that she can't cum without my permission when we are together and that if we move on to any real relationship then she can't cum ever with out my permission.

I then send her cards and emails designed to make her hot and wait for the phone to ring.

---

*smiles* how lovely!

i am honestly slowly getting to the point where i understand how much more complete i feel giving over control to Sir

lol Russel. You sound soo much like me it is silly at times. Cant say I complain either.
Great minds think alike, isn´t that what they say? :)

Cards and e-mails? Hmmmm. : )