A bisexual switch question

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Originally Posted by thir

You are touching on something I have been wondering: I cannot switch with the same person, or at least it is very difficult for me. My relationship to someone is either one or the other, and remains that way.

Does anyone else experience it like this?

thir

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It depends how it's played. I would have trouble doing it in D/s scenes, because I can't feel like a devoted slave and a Master to the same person. But I have had fun sometimes with revenge scenes, where I play an abused and degraded prisoner, maybe even submitting for a while, then "escape", overpower my tormentor and break hir to my will.

I have known switchy couples who can play all night at "this is for what you did to me last time".

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Originally Posted by Beswitchingly Positive

I think my tendancy to be submissive with a female partner comes from the era I've been brought up in. As someone who is, shall we say, a little younger than the majority of members on this site, I've grown up in the first era where feminism and gender equality has (argue this all you wish) been an idea we've been exposed to in a long term and pervasive fashion. It's become ingrained to the point where I have to feel very comfortable with a woman before the idea being dominant with her becomes something I can do without an automatic response of chauvanist guilt. I wonder if that's something anyone else feels?

[COLOR="MediumTurquoise"]
Nothing to do with real feminism, but I think some women abuse the power that has been won for them by being...pushy and mean with men.


BP

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I feel the same way. Its like women noticed they had this power and took advantagew of it and took over! thats total disrespect. and i dont like it when they dont stop and actually listen without flooding themselves with their own delusions of what a man is.

as far as the subject goes, i feel like i am still exploring it. But i am finding now that i might be a switch. i feel submissive in certain instances and Dominate in others.

But it also through my experience in the last couple weeks, that i am learning as a sub ( rather a bad one at that) i need more discipline i think. But i also feel that though my lack of discipline that it makes me wonder if i am dominate? or is it that i am just a bad sub that can't control myself? i'm noty sure.

i know this is all new to me, and i want to learn and be trained as a good sub. but how can i do that when i'm not really financially ready to support this lifestyle? So far i have an internet relationship with my DOM which lives in Arizona and me in the San Fransisco Bay Area.

All four have their appeal with me. I am a men and have had gay sex. I have been dominated by a man and a women and I have been a dom to a man and a women...I have had 2 partners in my life. 1 man, 1 women. I am bisexual but I "lean" towards sex with women. Women are my preference but at the same time I do enjoy fooling around with a guy.

I think being spanking by a man, for me, has a different psychological effect on me. Not better, not worse, just different and appealing. Same thing when I spank a man.

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Originally Posted by Hime

Revised! Since I posted that, I have met some hot submissive guys and very much changed my mind, and have lately been looking around for guy to domme. I think I was reacting more to the mental image I had of "submissive men" than I was actually listening to my own sexuality.

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Learning is good. Malesubs do get a bad image, porn tends to present them as crawling wimps, and commercial porn is so focussed on the domme that they seem to reckon any slob will do to play the sub.

<<<Agrees 100% that the main stream porn industry has painted a very inaccurate image of male submissives.

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Originally Posted by steelish

Hmmmm. Ok for me it's different depending on the dom/me or sub that I am interacting with.

When I am submissive to men, I tend to read the Dom, and act accordingly. If he is strict and severe, I get more submissive. If he is playfully dominant and nurturing, I get more like a little girl. I prefer the harsher, stricter and (hopefully) sadistic dominant myself, although I would expect reassurance and warmth from him at times.

When I domme a man, I prefer to domme a very masculine man. I want to feel as if I have a caged tiger that could explode on me at any second. I like to tie him up and then tease him until he is practically breaking out of his bonds in an attempt to cum. (and if it is a man who is into pain...well, we REALLY have something boiling here!) *grins*

When I domme a sissy boy, I like to be nurturing yet create the humiliation scenes if he craves that. For me...sissy boys are like playing dress up with a girlfriend. (with cbt thrown into the mix)

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I agree with you.

The only difference is that I would not like having another woman top me - the few times that I've tried it, I've actually started laughing, which was decidedly counter productive, and embarassing for her.

I like to be dominant in f/f relationships, and I can get pretty vicious too - so I prefer a woman who's a diehard painslut.

Also, when a man who's Domming me decides to bring other subs in the mix, I don't like to be equal to any of the others... I discovered I'm an alpha , and I was very happy in the situation where I answered to Him, and the other women answered to me as well as Him.

Good times were had by all...

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Originally Posted by Amouthfulofsin

Good times were had by all...

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Yeah! As is generally the case when everybody knows what they want and goes for it:-)

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Originally Posted by Timberwolf

This came up in a chat I had the other day and I thought I'd ask here. For those of you who play both sides of the fence in more ways than one ;-) I was just curious, are there certain combinations that don't appeal to you in terms of combining gender with Dom/sub? Meaning:

A Dominant, other sex partner.
A Dominant, same sex partner.
A submissive, other sex partner.
A submissive, same sex partner.

Do all four appeal to you or are there some that do not? I was talking with a bisexual girl the other day who said she enjoyed submitting to men but liked her women more vanilla, and I was curious how others felt on this.

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I would like to add a question: does anyone feel that these things change with time and circumstances?

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Originally Posted by thir

I would like to add a question: does anyone feel that these things change with time and circumstances?

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An interesting question I look forward to hearing answers to....

...for, from the perspective of a die-hard dominant, I would say yes, it has to. Even for me, what I look for in a sub changes with time and circumstances. I'm lucky to have a girl who grows and changes with me.

It would appear, from my perspective, that folk who are less rigid in their D/s orientation are going to be even more open to such changes.

But that's me, looking in from the outside. :wave:

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

An interesting question I look forward to hearing answers to....

...for, from the perspective of a die-hard dominant, I would say yes, it has to. Even for me, what I look for in a sub changes with time and circumstances. I'm lucky to have a girl who grows and changes with me.

It would appear, from my perspective, that folk who are less rigid in their D/s orientation are going to be even more open to such changes.

But that's me, looking in from the outside. :wave:

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Personally I went from sub - well, not sub actually, and not bottom - to dominant, to switch - sort of. Words too imprecise, I do not know what to call things..
But changes, anyway.
I have seen the same developement in some of my friends, but for different reasons.

I have also experienced all of these needs being pushed to the background in various periods of my life, when survival claimed everything for a while.

For me it depends on the person but I am more willing to be sub to another female than I am a male. I for some reason have a hard time letting a man dom me. I will with the right man, but I would rather dom a man. As for a woman I am at thier mercy.

I definently have fantasies of being dominated by both a man and woman at same time. Especially to be blind folded and not knowing what is coming and who it is coming from

A Dominant, other sex partner. - very appealing
A Dominant, same sex partner. - moderately appealing
A submissive, other sex partner. - low to moderately appealing, on occasion
A submissive, same sex partner. - moderately appealing

Combos and sharing w/in these parameters appeals as well...

I'm probably kind of strange about this... I'm not particularly attracted to men, but I would sub to the right guy if the time was right. I'll go either way with women.

But when it comes to being Dom to another man, it's completely out of the question. I've done this, as a favor to a poly friend who wanted to sub with one of her SOs, and it was just a complete turn off.

To be rather explicit about it, the idea sexually doesn't work because I couldn't force myself to submit to handling another guy's junk or having it "handled" in any way (I could dress up if you wanted me to dress up, order you around, punish you, what not, but on my end it's just really not interesting). But I could totally go for being forced to submit to this buy somebody else.

I suppose you could sum that up by saying I'm not really attracted to other men, but I'm mildly attracted to the idea of being forced into playing with other men.

Mmm...I've dominated men and women, and been dominated by men and women. All four are very appealing to me. Though nobody has been able to leash me yet. ~G

I was only ever dominated by one person, my fiancé. Beside him, I am on the dominant side.

I'm not interested (anymore) in dominating men because I don't find it fun by now (which is also why I love having found my fellow alpha with Keltar) but I love dominating women (I never had any interest or inclination to be dominated by one).

sort of in the same situation as Liushka.. only ever enjoyed being Dommed by my current partner.. fellow alpha situation ;)

otherwise.. being Dom to another male sub.. I really like. in the past have done exercises with female subs.. which can be fun but depends a lot on the sub.

would also say.. im really not interested in Domming 'stereotypical' male subs.. crawling sissy boy dont do it for me.. would much rather have somebody i cant break over my knee.

i find i like any of the four combinations. Gender isn't what determines who i wish to dominate and/or submit to. i can't sub for someone who is less dominant than me, no matter if they are male or female. i was trained by a Mistress and i am all subbie for Her and Her Husband. Though my Husband isn't interested in the Lifestyle, He is still more dominant than myself and i find my subbie behaviors come out with Him too. i've also topped other subs for the amusement and entertainment of a gathering, be them male or female and i've trained a bitch boy. So yeah... gender really isn't an issue for me. It's more about personality and aura.

Hmm. This has been pretty interesting, reading everyone's replies. I know my take on the subject is confused by the fact that I get really anxious about things, even just chatting with people, much less playing with them. So, for me, I'm least anxious/not at all anxious with female subs, and from there the anxiety level increases as follows: female sub < male sub < female switch < female dominant < male switch < male dominant.

Peculiarly, I feel most drawn to being dominated by a man, which usually scares me and makes me go running for my feminist books, but some dommes appeal to me too. I'd play with dominating a man, and that would be fun, but I think I'd be more likely to get into an actual scene relationship with a female sub.

weird how our brains work, isn't it?

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Originally Posted by mkp

Hmm. This has been pretty interesting, reading everyone's replies. I know my take on the subject is confused by the fact that I get really anxious about things, even just chatting with people, much less playing with them. So, for me, I'm least anxious/not at all anxious with female subs, and from there the anxiety level increases as follows: female sub < male sub < female switch < female dominant < male switch < male dominant.

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Interesting.

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Peculiarly, I feel most drawn to being dominated by a man, which usually scares me and makes me go running for my feminist books,

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Now that's a great pity! Feminism is after all about taking control of your life and doing what you want.

If you can find the discussion about feminism and BDSM (I am not good that searching in the threads, but maybe somebody else can find it?) you'll see that that point of view is almost a complete consensus. I would also offer the view that was said so often, that if you do not own yourself, you cannot give yourself away.

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but some dommes appeal to me too. I'd play with dominating a man, and that would be fun, but I think I'd be more likely to get into an actual scene relationship with a female sub.

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Do you mean dominating her?

weird how our brains work, isn't it?[/QUOTE]

Newbie to the forum, but this applied to me and I'd like to offer my two cents.

I've DONE all four. With women, I'm equally happy to sub or Dom, and with men, I prefer to Dom. I've only played sub with my long-term (male) partner, and I'm happy to keep it that way. I've always leaned more toward women as far as my sexual preference goes, and while I do appreciate the aesthetics of bollocks and bums...I've never been too keen on the cock. c:

I also have a pre-op MtF tranny friend, who I have both subbed and Dommed with. c: Both experiences were thoroughly enjoyable, and certainly something to be repeated.

Interesting :-)
Thanks.