Originally Posted by
Demon Dom
Rarely do I abuse Internet as a sounding board for my own emotions. Not because they are too private to be shared, but because I strongly believe that there is already enough clutter. Information transfer and knowledge sharing should not be hindered by bits and pieces which mean little to the common audience. But perhaps I should have responed here sooner, I wish to rectify this by trying to explain how I perceive my dominance.
This entry is for you, pet.
I grew up with more women than men, my father was absent when I was young. I have the greatest respect for women; they are equally capable of running business and leading this world. I do not believe that women are inferior to men in any way, shape or form. I’m convinced that the very essence of life is feminine. However, will a heavyweight boxer that is male, always beat a heavyweight boxer that is female, it seems very likely, and those distinctions I do make. I was raised to understand the importance of manners and being polite, to this very day I still insists on those. I insist on opening the car door for my woman, I insist on opening doors she passes through and I insist on seating her at the table when we go out. I do these things not as her servant, but because I claim them to be my right. I have a right to do those things because I am male and I wont allow our societies watered down norms to take that away from me. I love the fact that my wife is not an artificial being clouded in layers of make-up for just a normal day at home. I love her ability of dressing up when it is not just a simple day out. I want her to be the centre of attention, because I know that behind every great man there is an even greater woman. It is an exhilarating feeling to observe others want her, whether that is my client at a dinner party or a fellow Dominant in the depths of a dungeon. My possession is something desirable - intelligent, spirited and beautiful - something bold men would wage war over. She is mine. It is important to me to establish that understanding with her and of course with the people that she and I meet together. I choose to invest some of my time into understanding human psychology and how we interact with each other, so that I may help her build trust in her own abilities and thus help her set herself free. The way I react in my everyday life is not governed by a learned behaviour. I react almost always unconsciously to my wife and the environment I am in, usually people will perceive this as dominant behaviour. I am always in charge, I expect people to do as I say. My dominance stems from an inbred fear of loosing control. There is nothing more terrifying to me than to surrender control over my physical existence to another person. I do not show compulsive behaviours nor do I come across as a control freak, but this built in fear of needing to control my own destiny is what makes me effective at being a dominant person. I like to control the environment I am in and I like to make conscious decision of how I distribute not only my trust in a third party, but what I am willing to have them do to me. I am not suited to be on the receiving end. Therefore I am very conscious about my privacy and what people do with my personal data, I am very passionate about my employers and how that environment treats me and I am of course very conscious and passionate when it comes to my pet and what she is allowed to control while being in my presence or away from me. My dominance is not a choice to me, it is who I am, it defines me.
I have never related physical strength to my dominance. What you will often find in a sadistic relationship, between a sadist and a true masochist, is that dominance is mainly or mostly, expressed through physical action. If I am strong enough to tie you up, restrain you, use you in a physical manner, that then means that I am more dominant than you are. I think that is a very special case of interaction and I think it is valid in such situation. One should never infer from that the ability to physically punish someone makes them automatically dominant.
Often a release in control will signify best when you are being most dominant. A very simple example would be, when you make the decision to buy a coffee or not your submissives choice. If she knows that you dislike her intake of coffee, because you believe that it damages her body, which you consider yours, she will most likely not choose to have a coffee, but drink something else. In expressing a freedom of choice, I still dominated her decision making process. This has little to do with my physical capability of handling her flesh. Determination can easily outweigh physical size.
I feel that true dominance, if there even is such a thing, stems from the ability to pacify your emotions, exert self-control and analyse what the best course of action might be. Incidentally these virtues are also two you will find in Bushido.
I would not want anyone to desperately try to be something they are not. Some things come to you very easily, others can be learned and some take a long time to learn and only determination can get you there. One thing is for sure though, if you lack the talent to be a great hockey player you will never become the next Wayne Gretzky. I believe that every slave deserves a great Master and someone that embraces his Dominance every day, trying to understand it better with every passing hour. This is where I always wanted to get to.
To me BDSM is about deovtion for one another and inexplicibly trusting one another. It feels really, really good. It feels satisfying. I've been very happy with you. To be able to say that these days, we must be doing something right. Is it stress relief? No, but it does keep me sane and it does keep me from getting burned out. There’s a saying, ‘Pain is only temporary--pride is forever,’. It’s my pride that drives me.
This is true for me, I do not know whether it applies to everyone else.
