Surprising your Dominant

Without prior discussion have you ever surprised your Dom/me with something you thought they might like but weren't too sure? For example, a journal about your day, fetish clothing (even though you weren't entirely sure about the reaction), toys...

Is initiating things too much like topping for you? Has your Master/Mistress ever been displeased or unenthused by your gesture? Did it completely fall flat? Was there some sense of humor about it? Annoyance? Consequences?

Or do you always make sure to ask first?

Well, I have done some things without instruction, but nothing out of the clear blue sky or anything. Usually its just taking an assigned task and running with it.

Once when told to purchase a specific toy, I picked something else up at the same time. I have worn rope bondage in public under my clothes without being specifically told to. And I do occasionally journal my day if I have something I want to share with him.

In all instances it went over very well. I don't view it as topping from the bottom, because I really tried to make sure it wasn't. Such as the toy I purchased on my own - I picked it out myself, but he certainly decided when, where, and how we would be breaking it in.

I did the rope thing after I was told to experiment with it. And I still journal from time to time after I was tasked to do so daily while he was out of town.

So I try to do things that I know he will like, or at least approve of. And none of it is dictating anything that we will do together - our play time is very much in his hands.

Of course....this is what works for us. Other Doms may have a completely different take on the situation.

My Master is just learning to be a Dom so I have taken some liberties by doing things with out him asking as kind of a "see you can ask me to do things like this and i will enjoy them" type thing. Even if he was expirienced I would still do things to surprise and please him. I think he would enjoy an inventive and eager slave.

I can only speak for myself... and then only partially lmao.
but.. i would like the surprise if the Sub knew what i liked in the first place.
something out of character wouldn't work. but then if i did the same it wouldn't either. is a trade of sorts.

mines wanted this really nice watch, i remembered when we were first dating everytime we passed by that window in the mall he'll look at it, but he would never buy it because he always said that it was too expensive for a gadget that just tells time. i was a student when i met him before we were married, still is, so i never have much money, but two years into our relationship i was able to save up enough. and SURPRISE! i don't know who was happier, me or him. okay lame huh?

fine. here's a relevant story but it's opposite perspective. as in dom surprises sub without knowing if she liked or didn't liked something...

last year the Mister was away on a business trip, and i didn't know he decided to come home one night earlier. he thought it would be a nice surprise he if could come on home and snuggle up next to me in bed. but things didn't turn out that way. he came home that night and wiggled up next to me and i happened to awaken from all the movement. my mind went into panic mode and i reached over to grab the gun from the drawer to blast some sorry-excuse-for-a-man. cept this 'stranger' was much stronger than me and held me back by my wrists and so i ended up kicking. next thing you know my legs were pinned together by the intruder's legs. so i bite the first piece of flesh i got my teeth around. REALLY HARD. i heard a sharp intake of breath and cursing and realized who it was. sooooooooo end of story, i'm mad and he ended up with huge bruise on his chin. bad surprise for both of us.

LOL I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh at your story, but if he's going to scare you like that (even though it wasn't on purpose) then at least he knows you know how to defend yourself. lol

I agree that one could have been dangerous in a few ways chuckles.

I can't imagine why the Dom/me wouldn't be pleased with the gesture. It shows not only that they were in your thoughts, but that you know just what they like. I mean honestly, who would get mad at someone for trying to please them or do something nice for them? Unless what you surprised them with was really...weird or something lol.

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Originally Posted by mina

Unless what you surprised them with was really...weird or something lol.

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Nods. Like if you pretended to be a cat and brought in a half-eaten mouse.

*spits the half-eaten mouse out of my mouth* whoaa thanks Qmoq, that was close

*looks suddenly ill*

half.. eaten.. mice.. ewwwwww


My take, I'll surprise my Dom with something, if I think it's something he will like. (sorry Q, no half eaten mice from me) With any relationship, a nice surprise that is thoughtful is always appreciated. While we're telling stories..

When I was in college, my then boyfriend and I would spend hours talking on the phone. It always annoyed the heck out of me that I would be talking to him, but it wasn't easy to use the computer or really do anything else because i had to hold the phone. I came home one day to find a headset telephone sitting on my computer desk.

Surprises gone wrong.. same boyfriend.. I was spending the week with him at his college, (he was student teaching through spring break) and he decided to do the laundry while I was still asleep. Ladies, you know this.. expensive lingerie does not get washed in a machine, ESPECIALLY those heavy duty college ones, nor with jeans.. etc.. we never did find the whole thing.. (twas lace) but we did find bits here, and bits there..

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Originally Posted by violetgem

*spits the half-eaten mouse out of my mouth* whoaa thanks Qmoq, that was close

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I love these posts that make me laugh out loud!

Anyway - to the subject in hand - to my mind it is the same as in any relationship, BDSM or vanilla. You get to know your partner, you love them, you like to please them: little surprises show that you have been thinking of them, thinking of ways to make them happy. That can only be a plus.

Of course, surprises don't always work out! you live and learn...

I was hoping that it wouldn't appear to be a show of dominance. That was helpful, thanks.

(and no half-eaten mice. got it.)

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Originally Posted by Qmoq

Nods. Like if you pretended to be a cat and brought in a half-eaten mouse.

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LOL yeah, something like that.

I have just recently surprised my Master with a book that I know he has wanted. I had gotten a gift card for my birthday to a book store and decided to use some of it on him. I also have surprised him with massages when he has had a long/bad day at work. I have also done blow jobs too. I love giving my Master little surprises like that because he does them for me. He is always bringing me home flowers. We love to surprise each other. It keeps our relationship and us, on our toes.

Mine has asked me to "take the initiative" in pleasing him sometimes. I'm never sure what to do, though! I don't want to spend money, because since we're engaged and living together, and money is tight, I don't want him to think I'm spending our rent or anything. And I have tried to cook for him as a surprise, but it always ends in disaster. :confused:

I went out and bought a remote controlled vibrator that could be used in public, as I knew how much my master would enjoy that! We have yet to use it, and I can't wait until we do!
The gesture is very much appreciated, because it shows you care.

Remote control vibrator? I didn't know those existed! How great!
I think I might have to suprise my dom....:cool:

great thread...

OK, first - I was literally laughing at loud at some of you. Thank you!

Second, I agree with the idea that thoughtful, little overtures of appreciation – surprise or not; successful or not – are usually received positively. Indeed, every dom/partner will react differently, and it's Murphy's Law that our attempts will sometimes go awry. However, I have yet to have a decidedly negative reaction from my dom...maybe less than enthusiastic, but not anger or the sentiment that I was usurping his authority. Perhaps mentioning a hypothetical to your dom would clear up any fear or concerns.

Hugs & Spankins
Stone’s Slut

I have mixed feelings about this it could be a good thing if she guesses right or could fall flat if she guessed wrong ,but i would appreciate the effort it isn't allways easy being a dom and coming up with all the ideas.

May I say, kitten, that I love your surprises. In fact I am actually thinking about sharing the surprise you gave me yesterday with everyone so they can all appreciate what a wonderful sub I have.

It should be no surprise to you that you've made me blush. Again.

It gets curiouser and curiouser... :)

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Originally Posted by Mishka

Without prior discussion have you ever surprised your Dom/me with something you thought they might like but weren't too sure? For example, a journal about your day, fetish clothing (even though you weren't entirely sure about the reaction), toys...

Is initiating things too much like topping for you? Has your Master/Mistress ever been displeased or unenthused by your gesture? Did it completely fall flat? Was there some sense of humor about it? Annoyance? Consequences?

Or do you always make sure to ask first?

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Originally Posted by Wolfscout

but.. i would like the surprise if the Sub knew what i liked in the first place. something out of character wouldn't work. but then if i did the same it wouldn't either. is a trade of sorts.

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I've thought about different actions I could take to steer things in the direction I desired. I've asked other more experienced doms and subs and have been told that that was topping from the bottom. It was all so confusing.

I read this thread when I first joined, not so long ago, and again this morning. Suddenly, it makes sense! :rolleyes: Both partners should take responsibility in learning about one another, whether or not it's a hit or miss. "It's the thought that counts."

A D/s relationship is not one sided. (Finally, sleep deprivation has paid off!)

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Originally Posted by Rhabbi

May I say, kitten, that I love your surprises. In fact I am actually thinking about sharing the surprise you gave me yesterday with everyone so they can all appreciate what a wonderful sub I have.

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Originally Posted by Mishka

It should be no surprise to you that you've made me blush. Again.

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Is it too late to hear the rest of this story?

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Originally Posted by Isabelle90

I've asked other more experienced doms and subs and have been told that that was topping from the bottom. It was all so confusing.

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Nine times out of ten when someone says "topping from the bottom", they really mean "you're not doing BDSM the way I do it, so you're wrong". Ignore them.

on the other hand discussing and telling that Dom of yours your desires and wants/needs will get him/her more intuned to what you like and might increase both of yours pleasure gained.

Topping from the bottom or not but steer things the way you want them to go might not be very appreciated by the Dom ;).
Openness and communiaction is the key here and not steering. Steering and controlling is the Dom/mes part in this.

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Originally Posted by Logic1

Openness and communiaction is the key here and not steering. Steering and controlling is the Dom/mes part in this.

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This seems to be the theme of a D/s relationship. :rolleyes: Why is it so hard for me to get that through my skull?

Thank you, Logic, for your added expertise. Advice offered from one with experience is always appreciated. :)

your welcome
and as for you not getting it in your head, that will come with time.
dont you worry ;)

When Ocean and I were together I had went to a flea market one day and found this stainless steel puzzle ring. It was two rings that had puzzle shapes that interlocked. I saw it and through the metal was strong which in inself represted something but the two jagged halfs of the ring fitting together was perfect.


So I bought it and suprised him on cam with it. If I remember correctly he really did like that I took that initiative to show that I was his. Even though the world didn't know what it meant.. we did. And I wore it everyday...

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Originally Posted by Hime

Mine has asked me to "take the initiative" in pleasing him sometimes. I'm never sure what to do, though! I don't want to spend money, because since we're engaged and living together, and money is tight, I don't want him to think I'm spending our rent or anything. And I have tried to cook for him as a surprise, but it always ends in disaster. :confused:

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well... i know this isnt the sexiest suprise in the world but something i did for Owner once was to clean and organize His dresser for Him. when i was first living with Him it was a tangled snarl of clothes and very grungy. it was just an old hand me down dresser, probably third or fourth hand, and Owner is rather the Distracted Artist sort so.. it was in sad shape.

He was downstairs working hard on something, deeply focused, and i was upstairs trying to stay out of His way (i think He might've been feeling a bit grumpy that day too). i was a little worried about Him maybe being cross about me prying into His things but as He allowed me into the dresser to put away His clothes i figured it was probably ok.. i was just doing a better job than usual i figured. i took everything out and washed the drawers inside and out, scrubbing the heck out of it, even getting a tooth pick or something and detailing the old gummy edges. then i folded the clothes up as perfectly as possible, like if they came fresh from the store shelf, every crease as perfect as i could get it, and put everything away in neat stacks. i even fixed a piece of the trim that was loose and hanging off at the edge.. and the bottom of one drawer mightve gotten fixed too i cant recall.

it took me the whole afternoon and into the evening but it looked like a different piece of furniture by the time i was done with it. and it kept me out of His hair while He worked, which was a nice side perk but i did it because .. well.. He deserved better than His grungy tangled mess of an old dresser, even if it was only a dresser and He didnt mind/notice it being a mess.

it wasnt sexy and it wasn't play but i think He was really touched and very pleased because id focused on it and bothered to do it as well as i possibly could .. and i did it for Him, for my regard for Him, because He deserved better than what He had.

so it's not initiating sexual stuff, but it was a bit of a risk, not knowing then that He would be ok with me messing with His belongings, and i initiated it because He wouldnt have thought to ask me to do it. i just wanted to show Him in a tangible way how i felt for Him.

and it was free and required no special skills. *smile*

so.. maybe there might be something like that you could do for Him maybe?anything above and beyond what He might ask or think to ask of you. i believe it was the thinking to do it on my own and then doing it perfectly, for Him, doing something to care for Him, to better some small part of His life.. because of my respect and love for Him, that pleased Him so much. there's probably lots of pleasant little suprises one could do for Him- maybe polish His shoes while He sleeps.. bring Him His breakfast right when He wants it without His having to ask for it.. whatever might be nice for Him. and if you cant cook as well as you'd like you could still maybe lay whatever it is out as beautifully as possible. even cold cereal can still be nicely done- put on a breakfast tray, everything laid out neatly with precision and forethought. if He likes a spoon for His coffee or sugar or whatever, have it right at hand, neatly laid out without being asked.. a little flower from the yard on the tray, the paper, the tv remote.. whatever He might want, done as nicely as one can do it with whatever you have.

would He enjoy something like that? it's just an idea *smile*. and the dresser example is probably dry for everyone else it's just the one that comes to mind as it was the first time i did that sort of thing for Him.

(and no im not compulsively tidy- my room is a mess by anyone's standards and so is my own dresser.. though at least i dont need to unknot my clothes to get them out of the drawer and my socks are matched even if theyre dumped into my drawer willy nilly *L*.)

alpha, I think that's just sweet. *smiles

*shy smile*.. thankyou

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Originally Posted by Hime

Mine has asked me to "take the initiative" in pleasing him sometimes. I'm never sure what to do, though! I don't want to spend money, because since we're engaged and living together, and money is tight, I don't want him to think I'm spending our rent or anything. And I have tried to cook for him as a surprise, but it always ends in disaster. :confused:

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Honey if you ever need any help in the kitchen well advice wise anyway just let me know. When my wonderful husband and I married I could cook exactly 2 things frozen pizza lmao and spaghetti. I learned how to cook over the phone with my mother. Now I can cook basically anything and would be more than willing to tell you some easy as pie dishes sure to dazzle him :) In just over 7 years of marriage I have made only 1 thing that hubby said OH NO WAY too so either I have a natural tallent or I listen very well on the phone lol.

B

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Originally Posted by wingsofanangel

When Ocean and I were together I had went to a flea market one day and found this stainless steel puzzle ring. It was two rings that had puzzle shapes that interlocked. I saw it and through the metal was strong which in inself represted something but the two jagged halfs of the ring fitting together was perfect.


So I bought it and suprised him on cam with it. If I remember correctly he really did like that I took that initiative to show that I was his. Even though the world didn't know what it meant.. we did. And I wore it everyday...

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My husband wants one of these for Christmas. Not for the same reasons though lol. Our oldest son is Autistic and the Autism awareness ribbon has puzzle pieces on it.


Aside from that I was a very poor sub last night and it has left me feeling very icky indeed. I just could not for some reason get into the right mind set or sub space if you will and I am so very dissappointed in myself. So I have decided today that I will surprise hubby when he comes home. I will have a nice meal prepared (wow have I slacked lately), be clean shaven (hehe) and dressed in a manner which let's him know I am ready to be a good girl again, and have the house cleaned. Actually cleaned not the half ass crap I do on a normal day to 'get by'. I find that if I do things throughout the day with him in mind. Such as I am going to clean and then he will be so pleased with me that I am much better at serving him in the evening. If I sit around and be a bumb all day like I was yesterday I am just like blah leave me be. So hopefully my work today will get me back to where I should be and focusing more on him and getting out of myself and if I do good enough maybe I will be rewarded with a proper punishment for last nights crappiness and then an ever so nice reward. A girl can dream can't she :)