Recently, in another thread, "I need advice on strict Christian Parents", I advised a young woman (procalimed to be 19 years old) who was having trouble while living at home with her parents, and whose "Dom" was uncomfortable being around her parents, that he could not be a Dom and also be insecure in such situations.


I said: "One thing does strkes me oddly, though. How can your man be your Dom, yet he is uneasy around your parents? A person who claims to be a Dom/Domme should not feel uneasy or uncertain in any situation. It sounds as though you're both very young and inexperienced. I don't mean to sound condescending. I also was very young once and had little experience (in fact, at your age, I knew nothing about BDSM). I am not suggesting that your Dom should stand up and proclaim his status to your 'rents, but he should at least do his best to ensure that he is not complicating your life while you are under their control.

A response was: "Huh? I don't want to be rude but this statement is a bit too much for me. A Dom(me) is only human too with his/her insecurities. Parents in law are a big thing, and whether your a Dom or not, it's never easy to meet them, especially when they are known to be difficult about a relationship. I would rather see my Dom's insecurities than him owning/claiming every situation. Better yet the ones I did go out with (including my ex husband) who were "in control" were selfcentric bastards and didn't give a sh*t about the world. No I would rather have a Dom that has his insecurities, that makes him human to me. Domming the world and Domming me is a total different thing."

I have been dominant in every aspect of my life, except for my present personal (marital) relationship for 10 years and I am not ashamed to say that she has been in control (without the BDSM aspect) for most all of our marriage. About two years ago, she, now my slave, began suggesting that I take control of her/Us.

The aforementioned argument perplexes me. I am naturally dominant in life (I am paid to supervise subordinates, and my profession demands authority), but I am not naturally dominant in my relationship. Dominance in my relationship has and always will require a lot of effort!

My questions to the Dom/mes out there are:

1. Is it possible to be domminant in a relationship, but not in life?

2. If you are dominant in all aspects of your life, are you automatically an asshole?

3. If you are "in control", do you feel that you are able to do this without being a "selfcentric bastard that doesn't give a sh*t about the world."? (I feel that I have found a comfortable balance!)

4. Is meeting the parents an example of a situation in which the Dom/me should be insecure? (I think that this, in comparison to other life complications, should be very simple.)

5. If you, as a Dom/me, can't handle such a simple act as meeting and dealing with the parents, how the hell can you expect your sub/slave to respect your authority, or trust you with her/his safekeeping in your play/discipline?

6. Am I wrong? It happens occasionally!