In the Lobby - AKA Rhabbi's second assignment.

[Rhabbi]

Well, I know it has been a while, and that you despaired of ever seeing me here again, but I am back. My only excuse is that my offline life got a little complicated and I had to change a few things around in order to get my head back into writing. Hell, I have not even been reading much, which is an addiction with me.

I am not sure this is worth the wait, as it came pouring out rather quickly once I had time to set down to write, but here it is.

Kim, let me tell you, this weekend was the most interesting of my life. I know you were worried about me going to Vegas to meet DeWinter, but I want to tell you what happened so that you will know I made the right decision.

What is it about a sub that can cause an instant tingle in a normally sane Doms groin? Especially online? It cannot be the looks, because we all know that online people can be anyone they want to be.

When I first noticed DeWinter on the forum, her avatar casually intrigued me. I did not intend to approach her in any other than a casual manner, but from the first, our conversations caused me to want to delve deeper into this mysterious person.

Our Private Messages on the forum soon progressed to Instant Messages. Next, emails, soon I was calling her. The more I learned about her, the more I wanted her.

We made plans for us to meet in Vegas. She often traveled as part of her work, and I was able to get away for a weekend to meet her.

The day was typical for Vegas in August, and I dealt with the triple digit temperature as I walked from the car to the hotel. The blast of refrigerated air upon entering the lobby was invigorating. I quickly looked around to see if I could spot her.

Have you ever noticed how the movies always show hotel lobbies as crowded? This has rarely been my experience in real life. At most, there are a few people checking in. Today proved to be the exception. There were perhaps two dozen people scattered throughout the place. I guess they were talking a break from their gambling and had decided to stay there rather than brave the heat that I had just experienced.

I had no trouble recognizing her even so. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but she was still the most magnetic woman in the lobby. She must have been expecting me to come in through the front door instead of from the parking lot.

She was facing away from me, and her hair tumbled from her head, to her shoulders, and halfway down her back. It resembled a waterfall as it stirred when she moved. The thick, black curls hung loose. Like every other man in the lobby, I watched her as she stood there. Her movements were sensuous and seductive. Yet she was obviously not on the prowl.

She carried herself like a woman who wanted sex, but would never be satisfied with anything less than the perfect man. We all wanted to be that man, but most men would not even try to approach her. I was surprised to see that someone was talking to her.

He was about 6’ and 170#. Lean muscles, a great tan, and perfect teeth, everything I am not. I watched for a couple of minutes, and she kept glancing around, trying to spot me. I was almost directly behind her so she could not see me without turning her back on the boy who was talking to her.

I walked up behind her to listen, and could hear that she would soon lose her temper with this poseur and cut him down to size. He was so vain that he had no idea of what risk he was running. Probably made his living off tourists and was not used to being spurned by 40 something housewives.

I moved closer and set down my suitcase. The boy glanced at me and dismissed me as inconsequential. He was convinced she was an ice princess, and was determined to melt her. If he had no chance how would I?

His arrogance rubbed me the wrong way, and I decided to unleash the passion inside DeWinter, just to give him a glimpse of what he would be missing, and to let him know not to discount what a little experience could do for a man.

I stepped forward as he turned his attention back to her. Reaching out I took her hair in my right hand, and pulled her back against me. I felt her tense as I wrapped my left arm around her waist. I knew I had best let her know who I was before she screamed or tried to fight me.

“Hello wench.”

Her entire demeanor changed as she recognized my voice. Pulling her back against me, I bit her neck. She melted against me, and I felt her body tense in pleasure as her first orgasmic contraction in my arms took place.

“Oh-uh-ugh”

I looked up to see how the young boy was taking to my demonstration. His eyes had widened and I could see the confusion written across his face. I decided to further his education with a more impressive demonstration.

Letting go of DeWinter’s hair I moved my hands to her shoulders and bent to whisper in her ear.

“Don’t turn around, keep your eyes open.

“Remember the time I raped you on the phone? How I made you fuck yourself with the vibrator even though all you really wanted was for me to leave you alone?”

As I spoke, her eyes rolled back and she began to cum in earnest.

“Ju-uh-uh-osh”

This came out much louder than she would have liked, and most of the lobby turned to look in our direction. She started to bend forward and I tightened my grip on her shoulders to prevent this from happening. I watched the flush spread up her neck, and my delight came bubbling out in a laugh. I forgot about the boy as I turned her to me for our first kiss. She moved into my arms and turned her mouth up to meet my descending lips.

A groan interrupted our first kiss as she came again, but it was still the most intoxicating kiss I had ever experienced. As we finished I held her in my arms and smiled at her.

“You wet your pants wench.”

She smiled up at me as she blushed.

“Bad man. Very bad man.”

The love in her voice as she said this went straight to my heart.

"I love you, Sabine."

And that, Kim, is where I will end this tale, as the rest of the weekend involved what you might expect when two kinky lovers spend an all to brief weekend together.

[Mad Lews]

Yup I missed this, sorry Rhabbi.
I've read it now and I like the inspiration spontaneity and will give it a proper review tomorrow. I'm sure we can exhume Dean to tear it up too.
Mad

p.s.
Oh god, do I know the terror of the dead spots when nothing comes your way. It adds to the joy when the words just pour right out.

[Mad Lews]

Well, I know it has been a while, and that you despaired of ever seeing me here again, but I am back. My only excuse is that my offline life got a little complicated and I had to change a few things around in order to get my head back into writing. Hell, I have not even been reading much, which is an addiction with me.

I am not sure this is worth the wait, as it came pouring out rather quickly once I had time to set down to write, but here it is.

Kim, let me tell you, this weekend was the most interesting of my life. I know you were worried about me going to Vegas to meet DeWinter, but I want to tell you what happened so that you will know I made the right decision.

What is it about a sub that can cause an instant tingle in a normally sane Doms groin? Especially online? It cannot be the looks, because we all know that online people can be anyone they want to be.

When I first noticed DeWinter on the forum, her avatar casually intrigued me. I did not intend to approach her in any other than a casual manner, but from the first, our conversations caused me to want to delve deeper into this mysterious person.

Our Private Messages on the forum soon progressed to Instant Messages. Next, emails, soon I was calling her. The more I learned about her, the more I wanted her.

We made plans for us to meet in Vegas. She often traveled as part of her work, and I was able to get away for a weekend to meet her.

The day was typical for Vegas in August, and I dealt with the triple digit temperature as I walked from the car to the hotel. The blast of refrigerated air upon entering the lobby was invigorating. I quickly looked around to see if I could spot her.

Have you ever noticed how the movies always show hotel lobbies as crowded? This has rarely been my experience in real life. At most, there are a few people checking in. Today proved to be the exception. There were perhaps two dozen people scattered throughout the place. I guess they were talking a break from their gambling and had decided to stay there rather than brave the heat that I had just experienced.

I had no trouble recognizing her even so. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but she was still the most magnetic woman in the lobby. She must have been expecting me to come in through the front door instead of from the parking lot.

She was facing away from me, and her hair tumbled from her head, to her shoulders, and halfway down her back. It resembled a waterfall as it stirred when she moved. The thick, black curls hung loose. Like every other man in the lobby, I watched her as she stood there. Her movements were sensuous and seductive. Yet she was obviously not on the prowl.

Instead of stating she's not on the prowl describe how you know that to be the case. What does that look like? “Sensuous and seductive and yet….I don't know and I guess that's the point is she looking demure? innocent? virginal? icy? proud?

She carried herself like a woman who wanted sex, but would never be satisfied with anything less than the perfect man. We all wanted to be that man, but most men would not even try to approach her. I was surprised to see that someone was talking to her.

I’m trying to get a fix on this ladies mindset and you seem to be describing a rather demanding woman (who is also a sub?). That’s quite possible, but needs to be fleshed out with a believable rational.

He was about 6’ and 170#. Lean muscles, a great tan, and perfect teeth, everything I am not. I watched for a couple of minutes, and she kept glancing around, trying to spot me. I was almost directly behind her so she could not see me without turning her back on the boy who was talking to her.

I walked up behind her to listen, and could hear that she would soon lose her temper with this poseur and cut him down to size. He was so vain that he had no idea of what risk he was running. Probably made his living off tourists and was not used to being spurned by 40 something housewives.

I moved closer and set down my suitcase. The boy glanced at me and dismissed me as inconsequential. He was convinced she was an ice princess, and was determined to melt her. If he had no chance how would I?

His arrogance rubbed me the wrong way, and I decided to unleash the passion inside DeWinter, just to give him a glimpse of what he would be missing, and to let him know not to discount what a little experience could do for a man.

I like the way you’ve nailed the arrogant poser and her cool reaction is spot on but she is still not quite an authentic whole in my mind’s eye. I need to see where her submission comes from, barring that I need to feel it sweep over her and overwhelm her reaction to the arrogant loser as her Dom takes over.

I stepped forward as he turned his attention back to her. Reaching out I took her hair in my right hand, and pulled her back against me. I felt her tense as I wrapped my left arm around her waist. I knew I had best let her know who I was before she screamed or tried to fight me.

“Hello wench.”

Her entire demeanor changed as she recognized my voice. Pulling her back against me, I bit her neck. She melted against me, and I felt her body tense in pleasure as her first orgasmic contraction in my arms took place.

“Oh-uh-ugh”

I looked up to see how the young boy was taking to my demonstration. His eyes had widened and I could see the confusion written across his face. I decided to further his education with a more impressive demonstration.

Letting go of DeWinter’s hair I moved my hands to her shoulders and bent to whisper in her ear.

“Don’t turn around, keep your eyes open.

“Remember the time I raped you on the phone? How I made you fuck yourself with the vibrator even though all you really wanted was for me to leave you alone?”

As I spoke, her eyes rolled back and she began to cum in earnest.

“Ju-uh-uh-osh”

This came out much louder than she would have liked, and most of the lobby turned to look in our direction. She started to bend forward and I tightened my grip on her shoulders to prevent this from happening. I watched the flush spread up her neck, and my delight came bubbling out in a laugh. I forgot about the boy as I turned her to me for our first kiss. She moved into my arms and turned her mouth up to meet my descending lips.

A groan interrupted our first kiss as she came again, but it was still the most intoxicating kiss I had ever experienced. As we finished I held her in my arms and smiled at her.

“You wet your pants wench.”

She smiled up at me as she blushed.

“Bad man. Very bad man.”

The love in her voice as she said this went straight to my heart.

"I love you, Sabine."

And that, Kim, is where I will end this tale, as the rest of the weekend involved what you might expect when two kinky lovers spend an all to brief weekend together.

OK I like it. Short punchy and to the point. The three characters interact well. The action is great, as is the dialogue. I just want to get into Sabine’s head a little more and understand the dichotomy of her demanding nature reacting to the arrogant fool versus her submissive desires and needs regarding her freshly introduced (in R/L) Dom. I don’t think we’re talking a lot of rewrite, just some thoughtful hints dropped into a few of the paragraphs. You don’t need to spell it out completely but you probably want to leave the reader pondering some possibilities. The last block goes a long way toward describing/explaining her submissive nature and maybe a few hints of this thrown into the story a bit earlier might help.

Just a few thoughts
Mad Lews

[H Dean]

As I am sure you noticed, I have been MIA. I hope to get back to helping out around here soon. Things are hectic and I have discovered a new obsession for my free time - photo manipulation. Rhabbi, I will hit your story pretty soon...I hope.

Miss me kids. Toodles.

[Rhabbi]

Here is my rewrite of the story attempting to deal with the points you made Mad Lews.

Kim, let me tell you, this weekend was the most interesting of my life. I know you were worried about me going to Vegas to meet DeWinter, but I want to tell you what happened so that you will know I made the right decision.

What is it about a sub that can cause an instant tingle in a normally sane Doms groin? Especially online? It cannot be the looks, because we all know that online people can be anyone they want to be.

When I first noticed DeWinter on the forum, her avatar casually intrigued me. I did not intend to approach her in any other than a casual manner, but from the first, our conversations caused me to want to delve deeper into this mysterious person.

Our Private Messages on the forum soon progressed to Instant Messages. Next, emails, soon I was calling her. The more I learned about her, the more I wanted her.

As a head chef, she would tolerate no insubordination in her kitchen. Whenever I called, she would answer in what we came to call her public voice. As soon as she would realize who was on the phone, her voice would change. The only time that did not happen is if she was in the kitchen where others could here her. I soon learned to tell where she was by the way she spoke after she knew I was on the phone.

As we talked, I discovered in her not just a desire, but an actual need to be dominated. She first hinted at this as she described the way she would physically react to certain things I said in or IM conversations, and the first time it happened on the phone I discovered a matching desire in myself to cause that reaction.

We developed a rapport that enabled me to provoke this reaction at will. The most interesting thing about this was that it was not the sexual aspects that set her off, but the actual act of submission. I could even cause her to do this in front of the kitchen staff if I wanted, though I only did so when I felt she needed to remember her place.

We made plans for us to meet in Vegas. She often traveled as part of her work, and I was able to get away for a weekend to meet her. She was there as part of a convention of chefs.

The day was typical for Vegas in August, and I dealt with the triple digit temperature as I walked from the car to the hotel. The blast of refrigerated air upon entering the lobby was invigorating. I quickly looked around to see if I could spot her.

Have you ever noticed how the movies always show hotel lobbies as crowded? This has rarely been my experience in real life. At most, there are a few people checking in. Today proved to be the exception. There were perhaps two dozen people scattered throughout the place. I guess they were taking a break from their gambling and had decided to stay there rather than brave the heat that I had just experienced.

I had no trouble recognizing her even so. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but she was still the most magnetic woman in the lobby. She must have been expecting me to come in through the front door instead of from the parking lot.

She was facing away from me, and her hair tumbled from her head, to her shoulders, and halfway down her back. It resembled a waterfall as it stirred when she moved. The thick, black curls hung loose. Like every other man in the lobby, I watched her as she stood there. Her movements were sensuous and seductive. Yet she was obviously not on the prowl.

You might wonder about this, but I understand that women can tell the same thing about men. She carried herself like a woman who wanted sex, but would never be satisfied with anything less than the perfect man. We all wanted to be that man, but most men would not even try to approach her. She projected an air of being unapproachable that radiated across the lobby, and actually caused one person to change his path as he neared her.

I was surprised to see that someone was talking to her.

He was about 6’ and 170#. Lean muscles, a great tan, and perfect teeth, everything I am not. I watched for a couple of minutes, and she kept glancing around, trying to spot me. I was almost directly behind her so she could not see me without turning her back on the boy who was talking to her.

I walked up behind her to listen, and could hear that she would soon lose her temper with this poseur and cut him down to size. He stood there oblivious to the fact that she was trying to get rid of him without causing a scene, probably because she knew I would not approve of it if she did. He was so vain that he had no idea of what risk he was running. Probably made his living off tourists and was not used to being spurned by 40 something housewives.

I moved closer and set down my suitcase. The boy glanced at me and dismissed me as inconsequential. He was convinced she was an ice princess, and was determined to melt her. If he had no chance how would I?
His arrogance rubbed me the wrong way, and I decided to unleash the passion inside DeWinter, just to give him a glimpse of what he would be missing, and to let him know not to discount what experience could do for a man.

I stepped forward as he turned his attention back to her. Reaching out I took her hair in my right hand, and pulled her back against me. I felt her tense as I wrapped my left arm around her waist. I knew I had best let her know who I was before she screamed or tried to fight me.

“Hello wench.”

Her entire demeanor changed as she recognized my voice. Molding her against me, I bit her neck. She melted, and I felt her body tense in pleasure as her first orgasmic contraction in my arms took place.

“Oh-uh-ugh”

I looked up to see how the young boy was taking to my demonstration. His eyes had widened and I could see the confusion written across his face. I decided to further his education with a more impressive demonstration.

Letting go of DeWinter’s hair and waist, I moved my hands to her shoulders and bent to whisper in her ear.

“Don’t turn around, keep your eyes open.

“Remember the time I raped you on the phone? How I made you fuck yourself with the vibrator even though all you really wanted was for me to leave you alone?”

As I spoke, her eyes rolled back and she began to cum in earnest.

“Ju-uh-uh-osh”

This came out much louder than she would have liked, and most of the lobby turned to look in our direction. She started to bend forward and I tightened my grip on her shoulders to prevent this from happening. I watched the flush spread up her neck, and my delight came bubbling out in a laugh. I forgot about the boy as I turned her to me for our first kiss. She moved into my arms and turned her mouth up to meet my descending lips.

A groan interrupted our first kiss as she came again; it was the most intoxicating kiss I had ever experienced. As we finished I held her in my arms and smiled at her.

“You wet your pants wench.”

She smiled up at me as she blushed.

“Bad man. Very bad man.”

The love in her voice as she said pierced straight into my heart.

“I love you, Sabine.”

That, Kim, is where I will end this tale, as the rest of the weekend involved what you might expect when two kinky lovers spend an all too brief weekend together.

[Mad Lews]

Nice Rhabbi,
I'll leave morethoughtful and appropriate comments and try to coax the dean out of his Ivory tower.
Meanwhile in which direction do you wish to go here. More on the AAR or another shoet story from an inspiration of the muses?
Mad

[Rhabbi]

Nice Rhabbi,
I'll leave morethoughtful and appropriate comments and try to coax the dean out of his Ivory tower.
Meanwhile in which direction do you wish to go here. More on the AAR or another shoet story from an inspiration of the muses?
Mad

The AAR is actually turning into a full fledged novel, and I am actually having dreams of a series that catches on like Weber's Honorverse series. I think I will leave that to a more appropriate venue for something that I would like to try to publish at some time, following the advice of Ruby not to put to much of a story meant to be sold out on the internet to be available for free.

As for the next step, I can continue to let my muse roam where it wills, or you can turn loose your sadistic nature and churn out another seemingly impossible task to challenge me. Your choice.

[Mad Lews]

The AAR is actually turning into a full fledged novel, and I am actually having dreams of a series that catches on like Weber's Honorverse series. I think I will leave that to a more appropriate venue for something that I would like to try to publish at some time, following the advice of Ruby not to put to much of a story meant to be sold out on the internet to be available for free.

As for the next step, I can continue to let my muse roam where it wills, or you can turn loose your sadistic nature and churn out another seemingly impossible task to challenge me. Your choice.

Friend Rhabbi,

No choice at all. I would enjoy watching AAR develop and applaude your ambitions for it. I would be proud if your talent and planning bring it to fruition.
As for an impossibly challenging scenario for your inspiration give me a day or two but rest assured you'll owe me one of the same.
Mad Lews

[Rhabbi]

Looking forward to it, I only hope it does not spawn another novel as I am already working on two.

[Mad Lews]

Well it was short notice Rhabbi but I did my best,

I think maybe a simple ménage-a-trios, would be a good next step.
Let us start with Brother Hubert, a man of God, sworn to a sexless existence, dedicated to his gods. This may go a long way in explaining his somewhat curmudgeonly manner. The only exception to that demeanor would be his near daily bouts of alcohol-educed bliss, which he spends alternately mocking the gods or quaking in terror at their reaction to his blasphemy.

For unknown reasons (which you must explain) Hubert the object of Lilith’s love. Lilith, of course, is a succubus, but a succubus with a heart of gold. Like all of her breed (please don’t call her a demon, she’s sensitive) she must have the essence of a mortal males lust in order to manifest in a corporeal form. Unlike most of her sisters in sin she is careful not to drain her victims into dry lifeless husks. This leads to the necessity for a series of nocturnal lovers but she swears they mean nothing to her its only Brother Hubert that she cares for. We’re talking about a femme fatale with a finely tuned conscience here.

To round out are trio we have Eric Von Ross, Witch Hunter General of the Bishop of Leithunstien. He is the sworn defender of the faith and the scourge of demons, heretics, and of course witches. He is less than a cheerful dinner companion and best known for his famous quote “Better to burn a dozen innocents than suffer a single witch to live.” Eric has fallen passionately in love with Lilith after but a single nocturnal visit. This may have been his first and only sexual experience but he is now relentlessly hunting for Lilith. His subordinates assume he is pursuing evil with his normal passion never suspecting it is passion that has led him astray.

OK so far?

Now to keep this from turning into a novel I’d say 3000 words should do it. You can end it any way you wish, make it a comedy, a tragedy, or a historic fiction. All I ask is that the phrase “Mired in the muck of the midden-heap” should be used within the first three paragraphs and “Rapidly reddening fundament” should appear somewhere in the last three.
Best of luck good sir.
Mad Lews

[Rhabbi]

Sounds interesting and challenging. Not quite sure what a midden heap is, but I can learn. I really think I can relate to Brother Lawrence, except for the alcoholism, but I know enough alcoholics to wing that. Give me a week or so and I should have something for you.

[Mad Lews]

Sounds interesting and challenging. Not quite sure what a midden heap is, but I can learn. I really think I can relate to Brother Lawrence, except for the alcoholism, but I know enough alcoholics to wing that. Give me a week or so and I should have something for you.

Rhabbi:
Having spent two weeks in an alcoholic stupor as research for this assignment I feel you are now ready to take keyboard to monitor and write. At your convenience good sir.
Yours
Mad Lews

[Rhabbi]

Rhabbi:
Having spent two weeks in an alcoholic stupor as research for this assignment I feel you are now ready to take keyboard to monitor and write. At your convenience good sir.
Yours
Mad Lews

Actually have about 7000 words done for this, and am in the process of trimming away the fat now.

[Mad Lews]

Actually have about 7000 words done for this, and am in the process of trimming away the fat now.

We await your well trimmed piece with relaxed anticipation.

[H Dean]

We await your well trimmed piece with relaxed anticipation.

He makes it sound like he is awaiting your pecker, Rhabbi. Watch out for this one!

Oh my...I don't even want to know what part of him is relaxed and anticipating.

[Rhabbi]

laughs

[Rhabbi]

How had this happened? Things like this were not supposed to happen to people like her. Falling in love? A succubus should be unable to love. With this man, no less, her traditional prey, a clergyman. Her sisters would laugh if they knew she had fallen for anyone, especially a “Man of the cloth.”


The first time she had seen Brother Hubert, standing mired in the muck of the midden heap, and drunk, she thought that he would be easy prey for her. That night she appeared to him and allowed her form to shift according to his lust as she prepared to feed, but the symbiosis did not occur. He looked on the woman who could be anyone he dreamed, and saw her as she was. He saw the truth, did not flinch, and she had no idea what power that gave him over her.

Unlike her sisters, she never felt the need to kill; something had always been different. The one time she killed she swore never to do it again. She had learned to feed only when necessary, and only enough to survive. She would prefer not to feed at all, but existing as a formless spirit condemned only to watch was worse.

She wondered why this man would accept her as she is, and not want to see her as a beautiful woman. What made him different? She settled in the area to watch him. He was often opinionated and gruff, and had the reputation in the area of being a bit curmudgeonly. He was intolerant of those who felt that they new all the answers, and would not back down from those he viewed as fools, no matter their power. This often led to scrapes between him and the local authorities. They felt the clergy should only speak on eternal matters, not temporal.

Settling into one area could be dangerous, she still needed to feed, but, Brother Hubert tugged at her in a way she could not explain. She traveled as much as possible to disperse her victims over a wide area, but this part of the country had no farms. The only reason this town even existed was the confluence of a river and the mountain pass to Leithunstien. This town was not properly a part of Leithunstien, but the Baron often sent his troops to keep order here. The troops often rotating out compensated for the remoteness of the posting. This made it easier for her by enlarging her pool of victims. Also, the troops had no other outlet for their lust, other than a few fisher wives, and the doxies of the dockworkers.

Every time she appeared to Hubert, he saw her not as the girl of his dreams, but in the form that she fell into naturally. Her natural form was that of a rather large and unattractive human female. Most people would not give her a second look in that guise, but Hubert would actually talk to her about his day, and he did not look on her with pity either. She soon realized that she was in love with him, and that she would be willing to give up immortality to be at his side, if only she could.

She needed to take others because no single man could ever keep her alive, anymore than a single sandwich could keep a human alive for any period. This had never been a pleasant experience for her, but now with Hubert it was a betrayal of her love for him. She even went to him and confessed her love, but though he had his doubts about many things, he would not lie with her unless they married. If only she could.


One night she felt a strong presence attracting her, Eric von Ross. She knew him as soon as she saw him that night. She had encountered the victims of the Witch Hunter General before, and it had always given her a degree of pleasure to ease there misery, if only for a night. This night she went to him, but something about his reaction had been different from the beginning, and she left as soon as possible. He had been searching for her ever since, and now he was in Fulbright.

Not that he was any danger to her. What could he do to her, even if he caught her in corporeal form he could not hurt her, all she would have to do is turn incorporeal and leave through the wall.

He was more persistent than she had thought; he and his men had managed to track her here. She could feel his passion for her, and it drew her like a moth to a flame. She went to him again in his dreams to find out what he wanted.

“What is your name girl?”

“I answer to Lilith.”

She looked at herself in the mirror of his bedroom, the only mirror in the town. He must think highly of himself if he paid for that extravagance, as the inn keepers wife had ordered that for her own bedchamber.

She saw red hair cascading down past her shoulders, and partially covering her full breasts. She was defiantly voluptuous, obviously Eric von Ross liked curves.

“I love you Lilith, and I want you to stay with me. I know you for what you are, and I still want you.”

“Do not be silly human; you have no idea what you are asking of me.”

“I know that unlike other succubae you do not kill. This means I am safe with you.”

“I do not kill because I chose not to. If I fed to deeply off any man I would kill him.”

“Then only feed lightly, but only from me.”

She laughed at that suggestion. This startled her, she had not laughed in many years.

“If I fed off you enough to sustain myself, you would be dead as sure as if I had set out to kill you.”

“I will not live without you. I want you now.”

She moved to him and fulfilled his lust, then left him alone. This was the usual process with her, but tonight she left with a sense of foreboding.


She found Hubert at home, bent over a cup and a flask of wine.

“Lilith, more proof that God has a sense of humor. Cursing such a lovely soul to eternal darkness.”

“You know I do not consider myself to be cursed Hubert.”

“What does it matter what we consider in the long run? The Powers That Be choose how and where we live and die. Free will? Bah!”

“Hush Hubert, you know that you believe. Talking like that only upsets you.”

“Can you be a demon? Such advice should only come from an angel.”

“Please Hubert; do not use that word to describe me. I am a succubus, a Child of the First, not a demon. Demons are fallen angels, and I, like you, can only travel this realm.”

“Alas, an even greater tragedy.” He looked up her a bit sadly, which surprised her because he was usually happy when drinking. “God has finally decided to punish me for my blasphemy Lilith. The Baron has sent the Witch Hunter General to look into my work here.”

“Hush dear; we will talk about it in the morning.”

With that, she led him to his cot and tucked him in, than sat on the floor next to him to watch him sleep. This part always fascinated her, the way that humans slept and worked out their problems. If only she could sleep.


When Hubert woke up he vaguely remembered Lilith’s visit, and looked to see if she was still there. She had tidied up again, but left to wherever she went to spend the days. He sometimes thought he saw her down by the docks selling fish, but why would she do that. He did not think she would need money, as she did not eat, other than her nocturnal forays. One day he would have to ask, but not today.

After his morning ablutions and prayers, he went to the Inn to find Eric von Ross eating breakfast with a group of the thugs that he called questioners. Torturers would be a better term.

Von Ross sat in the dining room as if he owned it, and the other patrons and the innkeeper treated him with the deference born of fear. A cadaverous man, he still had an aura of fear about him.

“This town is rife with heresy; we will need to root it out.”

“Yes, lord General, how do you want us to start?”

“The soldiers are still reporting visits by a succubus. Yet there have been no deaths. Why is that? Do they have special protection? Bring in a few of them, and round up a few of the townsmen. Search them for witch marks.”

“Yes, lord General.”

“Milord, there is no witchcraft here.”

This caused Eric to blink and turn his gaze upon Hubert. Von Ross’s eyes pierced through Hubert, examining him like a particularly nasty piece of garbage. The gray color matched the rest of his appearance, but the fire in them made them almost glow. In spite of himself, Hubert shivered.

“You would be Brother Hubert, the local cleric. How do I know you are not consorting with witches and demons yourself?”

“Because you know as well as I do that witches are simply the fears of peasants and demons have little or no interest in us.”

The room got quiet as everyone turned to look at Hubert. Although he often was short tempered, most of the town respected him, and everyone knew of his dedication to his vows and justice. He was always willing to stand up to anyone he thought was wrong, but talking back to this man could kill him.
“Rather dangerous thing to say to me, don’t you think?”

“What do I care, death might be a blessing after the time I have spent here. Besides, your authority comes from a Baron who does not even bother to claim this town. You would have to apply to the church for permission to question me. They would then have to send someone to oversee the questions, someone who would in all probability end up taking my place. I have been in this forsaken town for 10 years now, and I came here for a 6-month post. Anyone they try to assign will know that this is a lifetime post, so why take it? “

“I see you know something of the politics of your position.”

“More than you know, Milord. More than you know.”

“Well then, Brother Hubert, have you heard any reports of there being a succubus about? Or are you going to say they have no interest in us either.”

“Succubus milord? I have heard of no deaths that could be attributed to a succubus.”

As he said this Hubert pulled up a chair and sat at the table with the Witch Hunter. His men glared at Hubert and one started to reach for him, but stopped short after a curt gesture from von Ross.

“Very interesting turn of phrase in answering that question, Brother.”

“Milord?”

“I notice that you did not deny hearing about a succubus, just that there are 'no deaths'.”

“I have heard some reports form my parishioners, but as there are no deaths attributable to the activity of a succubus, there can be no succubus. That is a basic tenet of the church, milord.”

Brother Hubert watched von Ross toke his measure. He could see the keen mind behind those piercing eyes re-evaluating him. Von Ross dismissed his men with a gesture. Leaning forward he drew Hubert in with the air of a conspirator.

“I want to confess something to you Brother. My men and I have been chasing this succubus for months. Like you, I had discounted the reports because she was not killing, but one night she came to me, and I know she is real. I do not know why she does not kill, nor do I care. I will find her, brother Hubert. I must find her.”

“Why? If she is real, and does not kill, why do you seek her? Even if you found her, what could you do? Even the church can do nothing against a succubus, except to protect her victims from death.”

“I know Brother. My men are not as educated as you and I. They think I chase her to destroy her, but I mean to make her mine. You should see her, Brother. She is lovelier than anyone could be. I will make her my own.”

Hubert looked on him and felt pity. This man, so feared by so many, driven by the same urges as other men.

“Milord, there is no way that will work, even if you found her. How would you control a succubus? Even the forbidden craft of magic warns against trying that. And you would be foresworn if you tried to use those arts.”

“That might be true, Brother Hubert. Nevertheless, I am going to find her. The reports center on this town, and she has to be around here for a reason. She will be mine.”

Von Ross just looked at him before getting up and following his men.


Lilith came to visit Hubert again that night.

“Lilith, I think you made a mistake this time. I do not think he is going away until he finds you, and his men will tear this town apart looking for you. I cannot stop them. God has visited this on me for mocking him. These people are simple folk, and do not deserve this.”

“I will stop him Brother Hubert. I swear I will stop him.”

“How, Lilith? Even if he were to die, the questioners would remain and tear the town apart. There is nothing anyone can do, except God, and He does not interfere in things like this.”

With that, he rolled over and wept.


Lilith felt anger and hatred for the first time in her life. She understood how her sisters could kill. The man that did this to Hubert did not deserve to live.
When she entered the inn that night and entered the room of von Ross she allowed her form to shift to that of his lust. He was not asleep yet, so she allowed her form to turn corporeal and appeared to him. He looked up in surprise, and smiled.

“So, the stories are true. You can come in the flesh. The dream forms are only to get a humans lust up.”

“You have no idea of what I can do. What will it take to get you to leave me alone?”

“Leave you alone? Why would I want to do that? Since the first time you came to me I have been searching for you. I have looked at other women, and even desired them. I can have any woman I want, but you are the only one who ever looked on me without fear. For that, alone I would love you.
“Yet you actually came to me, and for the first time I felt the power of love and tenderness. I will never not want you in my life, I love you. I will do anything to have you, and my men and I will do whatever I have to find you. You are in this town somewhere. If you leave, I will follow you again. You can not hide from me.”

“As I told you before, if I stayed with you, you would die. There is no way I can feed off a single human.”

“I can obtain food for you my love. You can feed off the people I interrogate. What better way to punish heretics and witches than through a demon?”

“I am not a demon. You are supposed to be educated; if I were a demon, you would be dead.”

“Demon, succubus, what’s the difference? All I care about is that I can have you in my bed every night.”

“You want me as a slave? A tool to use against your enemies during the day, and a plaything at night, you call that love?”

“It is the love I know. The love my father had for my mother. The love the baron has for his wife. What other kind of love counts?”

Lilith felt the rage and hate flow through her. She no longer held to the form of his lust. She felt her form flowing, and thought she was returning to her natural form.

She looked up to see him cringing away from her, something that she had seen before. Although she knew she was not attractive in this form, she had become used to it because of Hubert. His reaction made her angrier.

She strode over and grabbed him around the neck. When she lifted him off his feet and pinned him against the wall she froze. Although her human form was strong, she had never been this strong before.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she was surprised to see that she had manifested her incubus form, something that had never happened before. Thinking about the obvious advantages of this form made her smile.

“Do you still want me in your bed?”

Ignoring his frantic attempts to escape, Lilith tossed him on the bed and ripped away his clothes.

“Do you know what they do to men who have the mark of the incubus, Eric? How they parade them through the city to show their shame?

“Of course you do, you have probably ordered it yourself.”

She flipped him on has stomach and shoved his face into the bed to muffle his screams.

Instead of raping him, she proceeded to spank him with her now large hand, enjoying his rapidly reddening fundament.

“Eric, if you truly want me, I will be back tomorrow night.

Wait for me.”

[Mad Lews]

As a story I like it a lot. Quite the clever twist. If you have not the foggiest what to do with it might I suggest throwing in a few gratuities sex scenes and pop it over to the Library side. They seem to need some new story ideas. That's up to you though. There are a few typos and such but I'm sure you can catch them I'll do a dean on it if Mr H doesn't show up in his properly semi sober curmudgeon form soon.

Mad Lews

ps don't forget the rest of the assignment.

[H Dean]

Surprise! Here I am. I know it has been awhile, but I have been busy. Anyhow, I just read through this piece and I am rather entranced by it. Then again, I have had tee martunis tonight. So, I could be delusional.

I am not going to completley review this, like I usually do. Yeah, I spotted a couple of gaffes - "new" for "knew" and a few other things. These are things I am sure you will catch in a future re-write. Hell, if you get someone to edit this piece they will catch those. So, fuck those things for now. I ain't gonna worry them.

Rhabbi, this was really outstanding. Hopefully, that isn't just the gin speaking. Really, the peice was quite well done and the language equally well done. The only minor complaint was that you do use pronouns more than I would choose to use them. Still, I can't fault you for your use of them - it didn't really muck with the piece. More than anything I noticed it because that is sort of what I am doing here - finding shit to bitch about.

"With that, he rolled over and wept."

That is my pet peeve - "with that" is overused. Don't ever fucking use it. Every asshole who tries to write uses it and it always looks dumb as shit.

Wow - that must be the gin talking.

By the way, proper martini's are stirred and not shaken. Have I mentioned that before?

Hopefully I will get a chance to get a proper breakdown in the next few days. Life has just been way busy.