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  1. #1
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    Razor's First Level Three Assignment

    First Level Three Assignment

    (This is much shorter than my usual assignments, but hopefully it is still long enough to be acceptable. I had originally written it as third person before I reread the assignment and realized it had to be first person, so if I missed any tense or subject mistakes, please forgive them.)

    Trust
    By Razor7826
    (Copyright Razor7826 2007. The events presented in this work are fictional and do not represent the views of the author in any way.)



    "I... I don't know John. What about safe word?" My hands were already chained above my head, and my breasts billowed over a tight corset.

    "Shhh, Erica." John placed his finger over my lips. "You trust me, right? In all these years, have you ever had to use a safe word?"

    I shook my head. "No, but still, we should try to keep things safe, you know?"

    My husband sighed and looked me in the eyes. "Oh, please... it's summer break... we don't have to deal with students or administrative bullshit for two months. Let's make this a summer of sexual adventure." He smiled in the same way that made me love him from our first date, eight years ago.

    I closed her eyes and breathed heavily, remembering some of the more intense bondage sessions of our past. A few times I was ready to scream the predetermined word in pain, but instead kept going, realizing I had made the right decision as I orgasmed over and over. Thoughts of those times still terrified me, but a rising lust pushed me to overcame my caution and meagerly nod at John's demands.

    "That's a good girl." John reached out and stroked my long black hair with his right hand, while he caressed my milky white thighs with his left. "Trust me, by the time it is over, you'll thank me. During the intermediate time, however. Well, that's the spirit of adventure, right?" I paused and thought about his words, but before I could digest them, John crammed the red ballgag into my mouth and locked it into place with leather straps behind my head. The gag bulged in my mouth and strained my jaw, the pain prompting second thoughts, but it was beyond the point of no return. The gag was in place, and a verbal response was impossible. The only way to signal my dissent was to scream through the gag.

    "Mmmffffff!"

    "Oh, I should get into character as well." John reared his hand back and lightly slapped my cheek, the sting. "Quiet down, woman, or your punishment will be far worse than a little slap." I continued to scream into her gag, wishing to recant my consent, but John continued with his act and slapped me again, this time harder than he had ever slapped me before. I began to cry.

    "There there, girl. No need for tears." John reach his right hand up to my face and swept away the forming tears. "I have plenty planned for us. Just you wait and see." He turned around and walked to the closet of our guest bedroom, which had turned into a makeshift bondage den six months ago.

    I traced his path with my eyes and knew what he was searching for, but I was in no mood for toys. I continued to scream and flail against the ropes that kept me tied to the ceiling, but John merely smiled. He found what he was looking for, then turned around, ribbed vibrator in hand. "Ah, here we go." He approached me with a sadistic smile on his face.

    Staring into his contorted face, I could no longer tell whether or not he was just playing. For the first time in our eight year relationship, I was scared of him. However, with my legs and arms bound and body exposed, I had no choice but to accept his probing hands and toys. I tried to follow him as he walked around me, but he left my view. All I could feel were his groping hands as they pinched my nipples, kneaded my tits, and caressed my thighs. Despite the initial objections, a warmth began to overtake me as the reality of true helplessness came to light.

    For first the first time ever, I wandered out of my safety zone, no longer knowing what the future would hold. The rush in all of my previous bondage adventures was a result of the mere illusion of danger, fully aware that there was no true control or risk. Now, however, I was absolutely prone to the whims of another human being, with nothing keeping me safe and alive except my husband's wishes. I still cried, a nervous reaction to the intensity of the games, but I no longer strained against the bindings. John walked back to my front, running his fingers from the small of my back to just above my vagina. I twitched but accepted him as he pierced her with his cock and began pumping in unison with him.

    I was just getting used to her husband's rhythmic thrusts when he took the plastic vibrator and shoved it into my asshole. I jerked in pain- that bastard knew how much I hated anal. His gentle thrusts gave way to more violent assaults on both of my holes, and my trust in my husband shattered into a thousand pieces. What was only moments ago thrilling became horrifying, my husband having ventured well beyond my previous limits of pain. I now understood that his preemptive gagging was no accident; for some reason, John's intentions were far from pure, and he fully intended to hurt me more than she I agreed. For the first time ever, I hated my husband.

    Finally, I broke down, thrashing with all my might, trying to hit John's legs with the spreader bar that held my legs apart and holes exposed. Tears streamed down my face. The most horrible noise I had ever tried to make emanated from my throat.

    "Nrrrggghh!" I stared at him with clouded eyes and tried to clench my thighs together to force him out as he came inside of me.

    "Hahaha. Come on, Erica. You don't expect me to give up that easily, do you? We have a ton of ground to cover this summer, so you best save your strength from the coming trials."

    Coming trials? What the hell was he planning to do with me? All I was to lie down and sleep, free of the non-consensual bondage so I could enjoy my summer vacation.

    Unfortunately, such a relaxing summer was not meant to be. John shoved the vibrator deeper into my ass and taped it into the place, then redressed himself and headed for the door.

    "Sweet dreams, honey. I'll be back in the morning to resume your training." He turned off the light and left me hanging in the darkness, tears falling down her face and cum down her thighs. For hours, I cried alone into the darkness, hating my husband, fearing what other dark desires he had been waiting to fulfill.

  2. #2
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    Oooh! Very dark and scary. Nicely done and probably going to give me nightmares (or wetter dreams) thinking about the leading lady.

    The length is right on target for this piece and will only be a bit longer when you refresh.

    From an editing point of view, there are a number of places that need to be switched from third person into first.

    Your next assignment is to give this an editing refresh and go one step further. Make me believe that this was written by a woman.

    What does she smell, see, feel, hear, touch?
    Change the descriptions so I know that she is giving them to me.

    Does a woman describe her own breasts as billowing?
    Or her own thighs as creamy or milky white?
    Perhaps if she's got great self esteem, however, she
    might describe some of the attributes of her husband
    in glowing terms.

    By the way, what does John look like?
    Smell like?
    Feel like - rough or soft hands? skin? clothing?

    Versus:

    For the first time ever, I hated my husband.
    That line rocks! Now that's emotion, gripping, and gut wrenching.

    Looking forward to suggestions from your other students and your new version.

    Keep up the great work,

    Ruby

    Me? I'm at one with my duality. I switch, therefore I am.
    Vampire erotica stories are posted here http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/a...?authorid=1290
    Visit http://www.vampirespet.com/ActivityChecklist.html for a Submissive / Dominant / Switch Activity Checklist.


  3. #3
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    Yes, sorry about the tense changes. If I had written it in first person from the beginning rather than editing at the end, I probably would have already addressed most of those changes.

    Since you will be out of town for a while, could you list the rest of my Level Three assignments, or do you come up with them as I finish the assignments?

  4. #4
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    Such an over acheiver.

    I do have a list of assignments, and I don't mind having you work on them simultaneously, as long as you don't mind providing editing refreshes as requested.

    Much of the fun of this level is trying new things, new styles, taking what you like and ditching what you don't.

    If you've got time to write, then I'll put together a PM with a list of assignments. You can open a new thread for each different topic, and please keep the editing refreshes with the original.

    Hope that made sense, it's past my bedtime,

    Ruby

  5. #5
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    Okay. Should I post the updated versions in this thread as continued progress to Assignment One, or should I make a new thread and label it 'Assignment Two'?

  6. #6
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    (Looks like I'll post it here. The Beginning was mostly rewritten, but some of the better parts near the end are mostly the same, just expanded and corrected.)



    Second Level Three Assignment

    Trust (revised edition)
    By Razor7826
    (Copyright Razor7826 2007. The events presented in this work are fictional and do not represent the views of the author in any way.)



    "John... put that thing away. We've already talked about this..." I stared at the disgusting red ballgag that my husband dangled in front of me. "You know that we should always have a safe word."

    "Shhh, Erica." He placed his index finger gently over my lips and stared at me with his hazel eyes. "You trust me, don't you? When have you ever had to use a safeword with me?"

    He was right. He had always been safe in the past, but I still shook my head. "You know that I trust you, honey, but I don't want to put myself in that position. We should always try to keep things safe."

    My husband sighed, and stared at me with disappointment and frustration in his eyes. "Oh, please... it's summer break and we won't have to deal with students or administrators for over two months. Let's this be the summer of sexual adventure we were always wishing for, okay?" He placed his hands on my arms, which were chained to the a ceiling hook by leather cuffs. He smiled at me in the same way that made me love him from our very first date.

    I closed her eyes and breathed heavily, remembering some of the more intense bondage sessions of our past. A few times I was ready to scream the predetermined word in pain, but instead kept going, realizing I had made the right decision as I orgasmed over and over. Thoughts of those times still terrified me, but a rising lust pushed me to overcome my caution and meagerly nod at John's demands.

    "That's a good girl." John reached out and stroked my long black hair with his right hand, toying with my ear, just the way I liked it. "Trust me, by the time it is over, you'll thank me. During the intermediate time, however, well, that's the spirit of adventure, right?" He ran the back of his hand along my inner thigh, giving me a taste of the erotic pleasure that would fill this summer. I smiled back at him ever so briefly, before he harshly shoved the gag into my mouth and locked it into place. I tried to let loose a yelp, but the gag did it's job, the rubber taste filling my mouth.

    I had carelessly crossed the point of no return, and I tried to take back that one little mistake, but it was too late; my pleas only acted to heighten my husband's arousal, the bulge in his dress pants only becoming more noticeable as I screamed into the bright red gag. I would have to live the consequences, no matter what they would be.

    I screamed louder into the gag. "Mmmrrrrrrrrrrffffffff!", but my husband just looked at me and smiled.

    "I guess I should get into character as well." He reared his hand back and slapped me gently across the face, one of the taboos we had set down when we started bondage play. I looked at his smooth face in contempt- there was no way he thought the slap was acceptable. "Quiet down, woman, or your punishment will be a lot worse than a light tap to your cheek." He tried to be sound mean, but his calm and gentle voice dampened the effect. I continued to scream into the gag, wishing more than anything to recant my consent, to regain my freedom, but John continued with his act and slapped me again, this time harder than he had ever slapped me before. I began to cry.

    "There there, girl. No need for tears." John reach his right hand up to my face and swept away the forming tears. "I have plenty planned for us. Just you wait and see." He turned around and walked to the closet of our guest bedroom, which had turned into a makeshift bondage den six months ago. I followed his short black hair and medium frame with my eyes, and I could tell what he was searching for.

    I was in no mood for toys, especially after he had already crossed so many lines. I continued to scream and flail against the ropes that kept me tied to the ceiling, but John merely smiled. He found what he was looking for, then turned around, ribbed vibrator in hand. "Ah, here we go." He approached me with a sadistic smile.

    Staring into his contorted face, I could no longer tell whether or not he was just playing. For the first time in our eight year relationship, I was scared of him. However, with my legs and arms bound and body exposed, I had no choice but to accept his probing hands and toys. I tried to follow him as he walked around me, but he left my view, leaving a trail of cologne behind him, a remnant of the night's romantic dinner date. All I could feel were his groping hands as they pinched my nipples, kneaded my tits, and caressed my thighs. Despite the initial objections, a warmth began to overtake me as the reality of true helplessness came to light.

    For first the first time ever, I wandered out of my safety zone, no longer knowing what the future would hold. The rush in all of my previous bondage adventures was a result of the mere illusion of danger, fully aware that there was no true control or risk. Now, however, I was absolutely prone to the whims of another human being, with nothing keeping me safe and alive except my husband's wishes. I still cried, a nervous reaction to the intensity of the games, but I no longer strained against the bindings. John walked back to my front, running his fingers from the small of my back to just above my vagina. I twitched but accepted him as he pierced me with his cock and began pumping in unison with him.

    I was just getting used to my husband's rhythmic thrusts when he took the plastic vibrator and shoved it into my asshole. I jerked in pain- that bastard knew how much I hated anal. His gentle thrusts gave way to more violent assaults on both of my holes, and my trust in my husband shattered into a thousand pieces. What was only moments ago thrilling became horrifying, my husband having ventured well beyond my previous limits of pain. I now understood that his preemptive gagging was no accident; for some reason, John's intentions were far from pure, and he fully intended to hurt me more than I would ever consent to. For the first time ever, I hated my husband.

    Finally, I broke down, thrashing with all my might, trying to hit John's legs with the spreader bar that held my legs apart and holes exposed. Tears streamed down my face. The most horrible noise I had ever tried to make emanated from my throat.

    "Nrrrggghh!" I stared at him with clouded eyes and tried to clench my thighs together, hoping to force him out as he came inside of me.

    "Hahaha. Come on, Erica. You don't expect me to give up that easily, do you? We have a ton of ground to cover this summer, so you best save your strength from the coming trials."

    Coming trials? What the hell was he planning to do with me? All I wanted was to lay down and sleep, free of the forced bondage so I could enjoy my summer vacation.

    Unfortunately, such a relaxing summer was not meant to be. John shoved the vibrator deeper into my ass and taped it into the place, then loosely redressed himself in his black slacks and blue dress shirt and headed for the door.

    "Sweet dreams, honey. I'll be back in the morning to resume your training." He turned off the light and left me hanging in the darkness, tears falling down my face and cum down my thighs. For hours, I cried alone into the darkness, accompanied only by the buzz of the vibrator in my rear. I hung there in pain, hating my husband, fearing what other dark desires he had been waiting to fulfill.

  7. #7
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    Very nice Razor7826,
    Just a few typos to keep the editors honest.


    Quote Originally Posted by Razor7826 View Post
    (Looks like I'll post it here. The Beginning was mostly rewritten, but some of the better parts near the end are mostly the same, just expanded and corrected.)



    Second Level Three Assignment

    Trust (revised edition)
    By Razor7826
    (Copyright Razor7826 2007. The events presented in this work are fictional and do not represent the views of the author in any way.)



    "John... put that thing away. We've already talked about this..." I stared at the disgusting red ballgag that my husband dangled in front of me. "You know that we should always have a safe word."

    "Shhh, Erica." He placed his index finger gently over my lips and stared at me with his hazel eyes. "You trust me, don't you? When have you ever had to use a safeword with me?"

    He was right. He had always been safe in the past, but I still shook my head. "You know that I trust you, honey, but I don't want to put myself in that position. We should always try to keep things safe."

    My husband sighed, and stared at me with disappointment and frustration in his eyes. "Oh, please... it's summer break and we won't have to deal with students or administrators for over two months. Let's this be the summer of sexual adventure we were always wishing for, okay?" He placed his hands on my arms, which were chained to the a ceiling hook by leather cuffs. He smiled at me in the same way that made me love him from our very first date.

    I closed her (think you meant 'my' left over from third person version) eyes and breathed heavily, remembering some of the more intense bondage sessions of our past. A few times I was ready to scream the predetermined word in pain, but instead kept going, realizing I had made the right decision as I orgasmed over and over. Thoughts of those times still terrified me, but a rising lust pushed me to overcome my caution and meagerly nod at John's demands.

    "That's a good girl." John reached out and stroked my long black hair with his right hand, toying with my ear, just the way I liked it. "Trust me, by the time it is over, you'll thank me. During the intermediate time, however, well, that's the spirit of adventure, right?" He ran the back of his hand along my inner thigh, giving me a taste of the erotic pleasure that would fill this summer. I smiled back at him ever so briefly, before he harshly shoved the gag into my mouth and locked it into place. I tried to let loose a yelp, but the gag did it's job, the rubber taste filling my mouth.

    I had carelessly crossed the point of no return, and I tried to take back that one little mistake, but it was too late; my pleas only acted to heighten my husband's arousal, the bulge in his dress pants only (you used only last sentence you don't need it here) becoming more noticeable as I screamed into the bright red gag. I would have to live the consequences, no matter what they would be.

    I screamed louder into the gag. "Mmmrrrrrrrrrrffffffff!", but my husband just looked at me and smiled.

    "I guess I should get into character as well." He reared his hand back and slapped me gently across the face,(breaking?) one of the taboos we had set down when we started bondage play. I looked at his smooth face in contempt- there was no way he thought the slap was acceptable. "Quiet down, woman, or your punishment will be a lot worse than a light tap to your cheek." He tried to be sound mean, but his calm and gentle voice dampened the effect. I continued to scream into the gag, wishing more than anything to recant my consent, to regain my freedom, but John continued with his act and slapped me again, this time harder than he had ever slapped me before. I began to cry.

    "There there, girl. No need for tears." John reach his right hand up to my face and swept away the forming tears. "I have plenty planned for us. Just you wait and see." He turned around and walked to the closet of our guest bedroom, which had turned into a makeshift bondage den six months ago. I followed his short black hair and medium frame with my eyes, and I could tell what he was searching for.

    I was in no mood for toys, especially after he had already crossed so many lines. I continued to scream and flail against the ropes that kept me tied to the ceiling, but John merely smiled. He found what he was looking for, then turned around, ribbed vibrator in hand. "Ah, here we go." He approached me with a sadistic smile.

    Staring into his contorted face, I could no longer tell whether or not he was just playing. For the first time in our eight year relationship, I was scared of him. However, with my legs and arms bound and body exposed, I had no choice but to accept his probing hands and toys. I tried to follow him as he walked around me, but he left my view, leaving a trail of cologne behind him, a remnant of the night's romantic dinner date. All I could feel were his groping hands as they pinched my nipples, kneaded my tits, and caressed my thighs. Despite the initial objections, a warmth began to overtake me as the reality of true helplessness came to light.

    For first the first time ever, I wandered out of my safety zone, no longer knowing what the future would hold. The rush in all of my previous bondage adventures was a result of the mere illusion of danger, fully aware that there was no true control or risk (Ok make sense for me here was there no control or no risk?) . Now, however, I was absolutely prone to the whims of another human being, with nothing keeping me safe and alive except my husband's wishes. I still cried, a nervous reaction to the intensity of the games, but I no longer strained against the bindings. John walked back to my front, running his fingers from the small of my back to just above my vagina. I twitched but accepted him as he pierced me with his cock and began pumping in unison with him.

    I was just getting used to my husband's rhythmic thrusts when he took the plastic vibrator and shoved it into my asshole. I jerked in pain- that bastard knew how much I hated anal. His gentle thrusts gave way to more violent assaults on both of my holes, and my trust in my husband shattered into a thousand pieces. What was only moments ago thrilling became horrifying, my husband having ventured well beyond my previous limits of pain. I now understood that his preemptive gagging was no accident; for some reason, John's intentions were far from pure, and he fully intended to hurt me more than I would ever consent to. For the first time ever, I hated my husband.

    Finally, I broke down, thrashing with all my might, trying to hit John's legs with the spreader bar that held my legs apart and holes exposed. Tears streamed down my face. The most horrible noise I had ever tried to make emanated from my throat.

    "Nrrrggghh!" I stared at him with clouded eyes and tried to clench my thighs together, hoping to force him out as he came inside of me.

    "Hahaha. Come on, Erica. You don't expect me to give up that easily, do you? We have a ton of ground to cover this summer, so you best save your strength from the coming trials."

    Coming trials? What the hell was he planning to do with me? All I wanted was to lay down and sleep, free of the forced bondage so I could enjoy my summer vacation.

    Unfortunately, such a relaxing summer was not meant to be. John shoved the vibrator deeper into my ass and taped it into the place, then loosely redressed himself in his black slacks and blue dress shirt and headed for the door.

    "Sweet dreams, honey. I'll be back in the morning to resume your training." He turned off the light and left me hanging in the darkness, tears falling down my face and cum down my thighs. For hours, I cried alone into the darkness, accompanied only by the buzz of the vibrator in my rear. I hung there in pain, hating my husband, fearing what other dark desires he had been waiting to fulfill.
    Very dark story that has a to be continued ending. Hope you plan to.
    Mad Lews
    English does not borrow from other languages. English follows other languages into dark alleys, raps them over the head with a cudgel, then goes through their pockets for loose vocabulary and spare grammar.

  8. #8
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    Just popped by and wanted to say - great re-write! Much more believable.

    Lips slip
    Fingers linger
    Heart starts



    Well, that was quick

  9. #9
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    Thank you for the editing notes. I'm amazed I let that 'her' slip by. I really am a terrible proof-reader.

    I do not know if I will write out the continuation, though I do know what happens. The late-night session of abuse portrayed might be expanded if I choose to include this in a project I am working on. I may gather and clean up a few of my 'Bad End' series and submit a collection of 20 or 25 for e-publication, though I may until after I can get a more conventional story accepted first; collections from unknown authors are probably not good sellers.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Razor7826 View Post
    Thank you for the editing notes. I'm amazed I let that 'her' slip by. I really am a terrible proof-reader.
    We are all terrible proof-readers of our own material. We know in our mind what its supposed to say and more often than not that's what we read no matter what we put down on the paper.
    English does not borrow from other languages. English follows other languages into dark alleys, raps them over the head with a cudgel, then goes through their pockets for loose vocabulary and spare grammar.

  11. #11
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    Mad Lews, that's so very true.

    And, in this day and age, it's very important to take the time to edit our work before publication.

    There are a number publishers who do not, that's correct, do not, edit work. Yes, they format it, make it pretty with marketing, etc. Yet, they won't edit the story, even for spelling or punctuation. They'll even state this in their submission guidelines.

    It can make for some frusterating reading after a book has been purchased.
    Last edited by Ruby; 10-18-2007 at 03:02 PM. Reason: spacing

  12. #12
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    Razor,

    It's looking much better. I really like this story.

    For a moment, think like a woman and tell me more about John.
    Aside from Hazel eyes and a whiff of cologne...
    Is he tall, short, round, lean?
    Hair color? Long or short?
    Is he hairy or not?
    Does she find him physically attractive?
    What parts or the whole package?
    His face? His smile? His butt?

    I like how you threw in that he had to fix his clothes, so we know he was dressed at the begining. Yet there is something powerful about a man being dressed and his captive not. It would make the story even stronger to divulge this detail closer to the begining. I kept thinking he was naked until the end, then was shocked to find he wasn't.

    When does he pull he pants down?
    What is her reaction?

    A bit here about the positioning of John and Erica:

    John walked back to my front, running his fingers from the small of my back to just above my vagina. I twitched but accepted him as he pierced me with his cock and began pumping in unison with him.

    I was just getting used to my husband's rhythmic thrusts when he took the plastic vibrator and shoved it into my asshole.
    She is bound with her hands above her head. He is in front of her thrusting away. Okay, got it.

    How did she accept him?
    What's going on with her legs?
    Is he bent at the knees with her legs around him?
    Has her anus been lubed or prepped in any way?
    If she hates anal, just how tight is she down there?

    A little lube goes a long way to making this scene possible. No lube, and the chances of him spearing her with any anal toy in one thrust are slim or prone to cause a bit of bleeding.

    And women are into those details.
    Especially when they want to try these things out
    after reading them.

    What else?
    The pacing of this story is well done, as is the use of active and past tenses.

    It's a bit hard to read in web format. It's hard to tell who's being quoted, because in some instances, one character is speaking, yet the other has the physical action. Seperating the quotes from the description may help your readers. It's also okay to throw a "he or I said" in everynow and then.

    For example:

    He was right. He had always been safe in the past, but I still shook my head and said, "You know that I trust you, honey, but I don't want to put myself in that position. We should always try to keep things safe."

    My husband sighed, and stared at me with disappointment and frustration in his eyes.

    "Oh, please... it's summer break and we won't have to deal with students or administrators for over two months. Let's this be the summer of sexual adventure we were always wishing for, okay?"

    He placed his hands on my arms, which were chained to the a ceiling hook by leather cuffs. He smiled at me in the same way that made me love him from our very first date.
    Looking forward to your comments and another revision,

    Ruby
    Last edited by Ruby; 10-18-2007 at 03:02 PM. Reason: spacing

  13. #13
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    Thank you for all the comments.

    I think the main problem underlying it all is that I have difficulty knowing how much physical description to give, and more importantly, when. I tried to mete out information as I went through the scene without resorting to large blocks of exposition. Also at issue was the fact that near everything about John's appearance are things that Erica long ago started ignoring; they've been married eight years, so she won't think about all of his physical features constantly.

    I still agree that the story needs more physical description, though I don't know if I can save the basic structure, or do a full rewrite. Can I post further assignments before posting an updated version of this?

    Oh, and he was supposed to be naked when he was fucking her; further changes will reflect that. His 'redressing himself loosely' near the end is him putting his fancy clothes back on, not bothering to zip his pants or button his shirt, as he leaves to take care of other matters inside their house.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Razor7826 View Post
    Thank you for all the comments.

    I think the main problem underlying it all is that I have difficulty knowing how much physical description to give, and more importantly, when. I tried to mete out information as I went through the scene without resorting to large blocks of exposition.
    Yes, that is always a balancing act and you did very well. And why it's often important to think of who the story teller is speaking? A girlfriend? A police officer? Her pyschiatrist?

    Also at issue was the fact that near everything about John's appearance are things that Erica long ago started ignoring; they've been married eight years, so she won't think about all of his physical features constantly.
    Hmmm, I've been married twenty years and can tell you I still look at my man. She won't think about those features constantly, but she might remember them while she's thinking of other things, or comment how much she likes something. For example, my guy's mischevious smile is very disarming and when he looks at me with his little boy grin, he's probably going to get his way.

    I still agree that the story needs more physical description, though I don't know if I can save the basic structure, or do a full rewrite. Can I post further assignments before posting an updated version of this?
    Yes, you may. Put this one on hold for awhile, think about the comments and then tackle it again later.

    Oh, and he was supposed to be naked when he was fucking her; further changes will reflect that. His 'redressing himself loosely' near the end is him putting his fancy clothes back on, not bothering to zip his pants or button his shirt, as he leaves to take care of other matters inside their house.
    Ahhhhh! Nice.

    Keep up the great work.

    Me? I'm at one with my duality. I switch, therefore I am.
    Vampire erotica stories are posted here http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/a...?authorid=1290
    Visit http://www.vampirespet.com/ActivityChecklist.html for a Submissive / Dominant / Switch Activity Checklist.


  15. #15
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    The re-write made all the difference with the readability of the story. A great read!

    tessa
    "Life is just a chance to grow a soul."
    ~A. Powell Davies


  16. #16
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    (I addressed all of your comments, I believe, so I'll post what I have before I fall asleep.)

    First Level Three Assignment

    Trust (Third edition)
    By Razor7826
    (Copyright Razor7826 2007. The events presented in this work are fictional and do not represent the views of the author in any way.)



    "John... put that thing away. We've already talked about this..." I stared at the disgusting red ballgag that my shirtless husband dangled in front of me. "You know that we should always have a safe word."

    "Shhh, Erica." He placed his index finger gently over my lips and stared at me with his hazel eyes. "You trust me, don't you? When have you ever had to use a safeword with me?"

    He was right. He had always been safe in the past, but I still shook my head and said "You know that I trust you, honey, but I don't want to put myself in that position. We should always try to keep things safe."

    My husband sighed, and stared at me with disappointment and frustration in his eyes. "Oh, please... it's summer break and we won't have to deal with students or administrators for over two months. Let's this be the summer of sexual adventure we were always wishing for, okay?" He placed his hands on my arms, which were chained to the a ceiling hook by leather cuffs. He grinned the same wide and toothy smile at me in the same exact way that made me love him from our very first date.

    I closed my eyes and breathed heavily, remembering some of the more intense bondage sessions of our past. A few times I was ready to scream the predetermined word in pain, but instead kept going, realizing I had made the right decision as I orgasmed over and over. Thoughts of those times still terrified me, but a rising lust pushed me to overcome my caution and meagerly nod at John's demands.

    "That's a good girl," John said. He reached out and stroked my long black hair with his right hand, toying with my ear, just the way I liked it. "Trust me, by the time it is over, you'll thank me. During the intermediate time, however, well, that's the spirit of adventure, right?" He ran the back of his hand along my inner thigh, giving me a taste of the erotic pleasure that would fill this summer. I smiled back at him ever so briefly, before he harshly shoved the gag into my mouth and locked it into place. I tried to let loose a yelp, but the gag did it's job, the rubber taste filling my mouth.

    I had carelessly crossed the point of no return, and I tried to take back that one little mistake, but it was too late; my pleas only acted to heighten my husband's arousal, the bulge in his dress pants becoming more noticeable as I screamed into the bright red gag. I would have to live the consequences, no matter what they would be.

    I screamed louder into the gag. "Mmmrrrrrrrrrrffffffff!", but my husband just looked at me and smiled.

    "I guess I should get into character as well." He reared his hand back and slapped me gently across the face, breaking one of the taboos we had set down when we started bondage play. I looked at his smooth face in contempt- there was no way he thought the slap was acceptable. "Quiet down, woman, or your punishment will be a lot worse than a light tap to your cheek." He tried to be sound mean, but his calm and gentle voice dampened the effect. I continued to scream into the gag, wishing more than anything to recant my consent, to regain my freedom, but John continued with his act and slapped me again, this time harder than he had ever slapped me before. I began to cry.

    "There there, girl. No need for tears." John reach his right hand up to my face and swept away the forming tears. "I have plenty planned for us. Just you wait and see." He turned around and walked to the closet of our guest bedroom, which had turned into a makeshift bondage den six months ago. I followed his naked arms hairless back with my eyes, and I realized how deceptive his build was. While medium height and somewhat thin, he was powerful when he needed to be. Each time I tried to control him in bed, led to a reversal, him ravashing me as I struggled against his might.


    As his eyes and head darted back and forth across the shelves of the closet, I could tell what he was searching for. I was in no mood for toys, especially after he had already crossed so many lines. I continued to scream and flail against the ropes that kept me tied to the ceiling, but John merely smiled. He found what he was looking for, then turned around, ribbed vibrator in hand. "Ah, here we go." He approached me with a sadistic smile.

    Staring into his contorted face, I could no longer tell whether or not he was just playing. For the first time in our eight year relationship, I was scared of him. However, with my legs and arms bound and body exposed, I had no choice but to accept his probing hands and toys. I tried to follow him as he walked around me, but he left my view, leaving a trail of cologne behind him, a remnant of the night's romantic dinner date. All I could feel were his groping hands as they pinched my nipples, kneaded my tits, and caressed my thighs. Despite the initial objections, a warmth began to overtake me as the reality of true helplessness came to light.

    For first the first time ever, I wandered out of my safety zone, no longer knowing what the future would hold. The rush in all of my previous bondage adventures was a result of the mere illusion of danger, fully aware that there was no true risk. Now, however, I was absolutely prone to the whims of another human being, with nothing keeping me safe and alive except my husband's wishes. I still cried, a nervous reaction to the intensity of the games, but I no longer strained against the bindings. John walked back to my front, running his fingers from the small of my back to just above my vagina. He unzipped his pants and let them, along with his boxers, drop to the floor, allowing his large cock to spring out, surprising me, as usual. I twitched but accepted him as he pierced me with his thick cock and began pumping in unison with him. His small but firm hands held tightly into my spread thighs as he rammed me repeatadly with his penis, my feet dangling helplessly to his sides.

    I was just getting used to my husband's rhythmic thrusts when he took the plastic vibrator, lubed it up, and shoved it deep into my tight asshole. I jerked in pain- that bastard knew how much I hated anal. His gentle thrusts gave way to more violent assaults on both of my holes, and my trust in my husband shattered into a thousand pieces. What was only moments ago thrilling became horrifying, my husband having ventured well beyond my previous limits of pain. I now understood that his preemptive gagging was no accident; for some reason, John's intentions were far from pure, and he fully intended to hurt me more than I would ever consent to. For the first time ever, I hated my husband.

    Finally, I broke down, thrashing with all my might, trying to kick John with my tiny feet. Tears streamed down my face. The most horrible noise I had ever tried to make emanated from my throat.

    "Nrrrggghh!" I stared at him with clouded eyes and tried to clench my thighs together, hoping to force him out as he came inside of me.

    He laughed at me as I struggled, leading me to turn to him and hate the clean-shaven face that I once found attractive. "Hahaha. Come on, Erica. You don't expect me to give up that easily, do you? We have a ton of ground to cover this summer, so you best save your strength from the coming trials."

    Coming trials? What the hell was he planning to do with me? All I wanted was to lay down and sleep, free of the forced bondage so I could enjoy my summer vacation.

    Unfortunately, such a relaxing summer was not meant to be. John shoved the vibrator deeper into my ass and taped it into the place, then loosely redressed himself in his black slacks and blue dress shirt, not bothering to zip his pants or button his shirt.

    "Sweet dreams, honey. I'll be back in the morning to resume your training." He turned off the light and left me hanging in the darkness, tears falling down my face and cum down my thighs. For hours, I cried alone into the darkness, accompanied only by the buzz of the vibrator in my rear. I hung there in pain, hating my husband, fearing what other dark desires he had been waiting to fulfill.

  17. #17
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    I've submitted this to the library. Thank you all for your help; editing refreshes on the other Level Three assignments are still on my block, although that block is absolutely huge at this time.

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