First steps

[Echoes]

I finally took the plunge, put out an ad and started talking to one prospective and very promising Dominant who lives very close to me. (we don’t know the exact location but it’s within an hour of each other).
It has been a week and slow going, which is good, great for me. There is no need for hurry and all the time in the world to get to know one another before we exchange emails and more personal information.
He knows my first name, has a facial picture of me (and yes I shaved ) He knows I have children and that they come first. I know he has children and his comes first also.
My respect and trust are blossoming for this Dominant, he has demonstrated his awareness and knowledge through stories and also by picking up on what I have said, empathizing emotions/feelings within BDSM moments without me saying anything and I have great assurance he is not a wannabe. He is nonjudgmental thus far and I am just tickled in neon colors. (good thing I am not really ticklish)
We have advanced from 1 pm a night to 3 pm’s a night, in some ways this is frustrating because any questions asked must wait until the following day.
In short, he sent me one story of a session he would have and instructed me to masturbate to this and send him my thoughts.
Well this naughty and greedy little sub took the initiative and had an orgasm to his story/session without asking permission.

Now will I get in trouble tonight because I was asked to masturbate once to another session/story of a kiss, “to climax” but told I was not allowed to climax?….uhh I masturbated twice "to climax" without orgasm, not once I couldn’t help it! Maybe he will be happy? He says he loves to torment his submissive/slave by having her hanging on the edge of an orgasm for a time while he tormented her deliciously.

[Echoes]

When is a good time to be candid?

…and tell a possible Dominant/sub that you have an illness, although you work constantly on it as everyone does their health, taking care of yourself, yet it is something which must be told for choices to be made or a relationship to further.
I have just started making a connection with a seeming wonderful and kind Dominant and I feel/think this is now the time, before things go further. I will always have this illness and it will crop up once in a while, it will touch both of us even if slightly - so I feel it is something he should know and decide what he wants before we connect more or get too involved.

[Echoes]

Well I sent him a pm last night titled Candor, he knows I am overweight by about 45 lbs and accepts this. I have been working on this and have lost 15 lbs so far. I did not tell him this yet intend on continuing, because it is for the best of my health.
He knows I smoke and have also been working on this, going from 7 packs a week down to 1 pack a week...just that last pack to drop is so darned hard! Mind over matter.
... and as last night he now knows I have a few mental lables being PTSD, anxiety disorder and deal with depression as well as I have had cold sores since I was a young child, outbreaks due to stress or an asthma attack or respiratory illness.
Now we wait and see if this is the quick end of a wonderful beginning. AH!

[tessa]

~hugs and hugs while you wait~

You did the right thing, I'm thinking.

With you, hoping for the very best .

tessa

[Selash]

*nods* Seems like you are doing everything right. Good girl. *pats head*

[annie]

Telling him everything fairly close to the beginning is always best.... for many assorted reasons imho. Good luck!

[MrDom]

grats Echoes I am happy for you and telling him you have a illness should be soon when your ready and think he is. Here are some hugs and kisses.

MrDom

[Logic1]

Sounds like a good start.
Best of luck to you echoes

[Echoes]

Thank you for your well wishes and support, response and encouragement everyone, I won't get a response from him until mid-tonight or Monday night at the latest.
I better ask if he minds I post here concerning him and I.

[jeanne]

Echoes - I hope you get a positive response. It's hard to tell some things isn't it? But it is best to be as open as possible from the beginning. And remember - he too is forming an attachment to you, just as you are to him. That will make a difference I think. Please do keep us posted if you can!

[Echoes]

Hi jeanne and thank you!
He has told me in his emails he is touched, intrigued, his interest piqued, delighted and so much more....and I can't imagine how someone so dashing, so handsome, with such a beautiful smile...my heart sighs
...and yes beauty is in the eye of the beholder and only skin deep or perhaps even this picture is not of him
But he is so beautiful in his heart, mind..what he has shown and allowed me to feel and enter into.
Do you see the see-saw I am on? Up and pull myself back down, up again...down...do not let my hopes get up, it is much too soon then he carries me away again.

Uhh, reason for my post...He contacted me last night yet did not say anything about my candid email except to say he read it and we will talk today. He gave further instructions for last night.
...now I wait for his permission to post here "about us" again and I also sent him a link to these forums, telling him my forum name.

[Echoes]

...sighs, I have not heard from Sir at all today. At first I did not think we would be talking over the weekend for last weekend we did not talk, but he did say last night he would mail me today and explain a couple things. I will try to remain optimistic.
...on the negative side I think to myself, maybe I should not have posted anything here at all before asking his permission. Maybe by doing this I put him on a spot, no matter if I did not mean to...or perhaps I crossed some line he does not agree to at all, yet I trust he will tell me...something.

[Echoes]

*does a happy dance*
He has joined the forum and has given me permission to post!
*heart flutter*

Going out to get groceries with the children tonight, I put on this half bra…is it what they call a push up? I am not sure but I knew it was better than the full ones I wear and hoped Sir would enjoy hearing about this.
So many times when I moved I felt my breasts were falling out or had fallen out. Thank goodness I wore a bulky fleece shirt over top so no one could really make shape of anything; I tried peeking down unobtrusively to see if they were not bulging or visible. I couldn’t see anything but I could definitely feel something.
Once home and the groceries put away, I went in the bathroom and lifted my top, no they were still mostly in place. Those wires…am I supposed to form them to my breasts or leave them as they were bought? Bringing my top back down it hit me; it was the feel of the fleece sliding and moving over the top of my breasts that I was feeling. What an odd wonderful feeling! Is this the allure of wearing these bras? So what is the purpose of these wires I wonder? The bras still look so much more different than a supportive bra.
I also tried quickly glancing as we walked through the mall for lingerie

[Sir_Russell]

Congrats Echos, just found the thread.

I wish you all the best and am happy that the two of you are close by each other

[Echoes]

Congrats Echos, just found the thread.

I wish you all the best and am happy that the two of you are close by each other

Thank you Sir Russell.

~hugs to you~

[Echoes]

First things first…oh my god, he is going to the forums…what did I write? I cannot remember.
*smiles impishly* I neglected to tell him I have accumulated over 800 posts since 2003. I had better send him the direct link to make things much easier for him…that might teach him for calling me wicked although I dearly loved this, it sent trills deep inside me.
Did I post too much information? Oh I hope I did not post too much. I will have to go look. I know he will correct me…OH MY GOD, he is surrounding me, he is entering my life in ways no one has, he is touching me so deeply. Already I trust him with so much and have let him see so much inside. God!
I flushed when reading his email, from my head down, I swear I could feel it flooding my face and neck. This was not a blush…it felt different, or was it a more intense blush? I don’t know. It just felt different.
Remembering Friday night, I fear I won’t last long at all, can I control myself?
God will one climax suffice tonight? One, I must have one, no more. This is hard, I can’t believe I have said that but it is difficult to have one…not that I am complaining at all.
I feel like the frothy head of a quickly drained beer from a glass, left dripping slowly down the side to pool at the bottom in a puddle right now!
How can he affect me so quickly? Is it normal to be so?
I know, maintain perspective…hell live a little.
If this is meant to be, it will be.

I wonder what colors are his favorites or does he enjoy variety? Perhaps depending on his mood and reflection?
After Christmas I must go peruse some stores…what kind of stockings would I be looking for? Shoes? Panties and bras are easier to understand. This is a bit embarrassing to admit. The last pair of shoes I bought except sneakers was for my wedding and even then my shoes were very conservative. What shoes does he enjoy? Omg would he wish to go with me? I am self-conscious going into a store like that by myself…I have never, ok, really intimate thoughts. I have no clue what it would be like…no way he would come into a lingerie store or whichever it is that sells underclothes, shoes…?
Enough! Stop! I must sleep sometime tonight.

[Echoes]

*gasp!*

I went and perused and bought a few bits and pieces of lingerie.
His favorite colors are black and burgundy. It is really hard to find burgundy, at least in the couple of stores I visited yesterday.
I also bought 2 and a half inch black delicate heels and have not tried these yet. Will I fall or twist an ankle?
It's amazing to think I am trying these all out, never mind also buying make up...and growing to be excited about trying these out, even in private with thoughts of him in my mind.

psst, I also bought a new toy *winks*

[jeanne]

Those heels? Practice, practice, practice.

And you know we're just dying of curiosity about what toy you bought....

[Echoes]

Those heels? Practice, practice, practice.

And you know we're just dying of curiosity about what toy you bought....

That much practice huh? I still haven't tried them on...a bit nervous.
...the toy? Well I am hesitant and wary of it, embarrassed to mention what it is, but I know it (or its type) would be used and is his enjoyment if we find and decide we will meet.

It has been over a week since I have heard any word from him, not even a farewell...I now understand when I read all your posts of how you miss your Masters'/Sirs' how agonizing and slow the time passes, if even on a smaller scale.

[blythe spirit]

It has been over a week since I have heard any word from him, not even a farewell...I now understand when I read all your posts of how you miss your Masters'/Sirs' how agonizing and slow the time passes, if even on a smaller scale.

Is it just me, or is it normal for a Dom to neglect to contact his sub for over a week?

To me that sounds rather inconsiderate - short of him being hospitalized (or worse). I mean how long does it take to type a short email (or make a call, if they have your number, of course?) to let you know they won't be available for a while?

[Echoes]

Is it just me, or is it normal for a Dom to neglect to contact his sub for over a week?

To me that sounds rather inconsiderate - short of him being hospitalized (or worse). I mean how long does it take to type a short email (or make a call, if they have your number, of course?) to let you know they won't be available for a while?

Hi blythespirit

I am not sure, this is where inexperience comes in...

I am not his sub as we have only been emailing back and forth on this site, we have not exchanged emails or phone numbers.

It gets confusing because I have done tasks for him. My last task for him was applying nipple clamps with weights.
First off, he responded to my previous email that he was happy I did not do this without his consent as he wished to do this in person...then after I mentioned I was so happy he wished this also, as I to wished this...he instructed me to do it for my last task. This HURT! I think perhaps I have done it wrong. I did this task though because he instructed this and kept them on for the duration even though they hurt so bad.

I do not understand why he changed his mind about this

Again, I am not speaking wrong of him...but my understanding and knowledge thus far is not clear and I do need direction and lessons. In actuality I have very little experience to many aspects of BDSM.

Yes it has left me for a loss he did not let me know ... what? There will be no contact, no wishing a happy holidays or he would contact me around a certain date. I do know it is the Holidays, perhaps he is away, yet at the same time I let him know I was going away for 2 days.

*confused*

[Echoes]

I think perhaps the problem here is I posted too soon, too fast. It is indeed hard to contain emotions felt for they are so strong, so powerful.
I should have waited until it was decided whether we both were more compatible.
I most certainly do not mean to be disrespectful nor drag his name down as I don't really know him at all.
He has not judged me as yet, unless by reading my posts here past and present, he has decided I am not his choice (for I have gotten from him an assuredness he knows what he looks for and will wait)
I told him I have once felt (in the Master and slave relationship) things there felt "too good to be true", and so far with him it feels "just right" and I now knew this feeling.
I have not felt such a connection before and so quick.

*remember to always retain perspective and maintain emotional control* when first talking with someone

If it was something in all my past posts that has turned him away, then I am glad I led him here.

I apologize for bringing this here so shortly, but it did seem "just right" and so hopeful, so promising.

[Ozme52]

Is it just me, or is it normal for a Dom to neglect to contact his sub for over a week?

Nope, not without forewarning.

To me that sounds rather inconsiderate - short of him being hospitalized (or worse). I mean how long does it take to type a short email (or make a call, if they have your number, of course?) to let you know they won't be available for a while?

One wonders about underlying motivations and the conflicts and demands of "real life" if the interest in the bdsm is not out in the open. It's one of the reasons I try to be very open and up front about my personal situation before getting started.

While being so forthright has its drawbacks... when you find someone who can live within your boundaries... and mayhaps even has similar boundaries, it makes the connections even stronger.

[annie]

While being so forthright has its drawbacks... when you find someone who can live within your boundaries... and mayhaps even has similar boundaries, it makes the connections even stronger.

Oz and I have talked about this before... and a firm solid discussion of those boundaries, especially time commitments as well as each others expectations are so vital. And honestly, not only do they determine a romantic relationship but also a friendship relationship if romance is not to be in the cards. So, I recommend, imho and for what it's worth, that even with the high you are currently on to still bring up the issue of the lack of contact, the reasons, etc. and clearly define with him the expectations...

I only recommend this from experience... I had a Dom that required I be in contact every day. He would be in contact when "he had time" which some times would be 10 or more days and then it would be a simple short "i'm fine" after I asked if he was still breathing or something. That relationship, though D/s in nature was not a constructive one but at times almost dangerous to me due to the lack of contact and the way I processed that lack of contact. OHHHH God could he make the highs wonderful, but the lows were twice as bad, twice as often and he never saw it as a problem, no matter how much I mentioned it. Sooner or later the relationship became something I disliked and my submission matched his attention (meaning it was nil to none) which only made me more unhappy. This was my first D/s experience as well so I was left with the impression that the lack of attention was normal or that I was overly needy, etc. Only years later, looking back can I see how truly inconsiderate that was of him and how harmful it was to me in many ways. And, I learned from it and now clearly state up front what I expect and if the times, etc. won't mesh I state that as well, "hoping" it will work out is not a solution.

So... even though he is back in contact, I encourage you strongly to find out why the absence and to set the expectation now of what you wish. You may be the sub and you certainly don't want to top from the bottom but there has to be a mutual understanding about some things... this being one of them imho. Otherwise, it is possible that this, continued in the long term, will change your level of respect for him and hurt any type of relationship... be it romantic or friendship.

Hugsssssssss Echos!

[Ozme52]

That much practice huh? I still haven't tried them on...a bit nervous.
...the toy? Well I am hesitant and wary of it, embarrassed to mention what it is, but I know it (or its type) would be used and is his enjoyment if we find and decide we will meet.

Yes. Practice. He'll appreciate it.

The toy... it's hot to be embarrassed so I suggest you tell us. Strongly suggest it.

[Echoes]

The toy... it's hot to be embarrassed so I suggest you tell us. Strongly suggest it.

*fanning herself* yes it is definately hot in here.

a butt plug *gulp*

[blythe spirit]

I'm confused as well, that's why I posed the question.

It doesn't seem to me that you've done anything "wrong" or that you brought your feelings to the forum too soon. After all, you didn't mention any names.

I hope all turns out the way you wish.

*hugs

[Echoes]

I'm confused as well, that's why I posed the question.

It doesn't seem to me that you've done anything "wrong" or that you brought your feelings to the forum too soon. After all, you didn't mention any names.

I hope all turns out the way you wish.

*hugs

Oh blythespirit...I did not post my last post in relation to anything you asked except I would hate to have his name be downtrodden or he be judged and yes I did think it be "inconsiderate" of him myself, (is this judging or stating the truth, or voicing feelings?) and where is the line drawn to state such without knowing what has happened. It's a dizzying circle and add to this the feeling of loss of something.
Another reason I did start posting this so early was in hopes of possibly helping others, be it a short journey or a long and learning one...right from the beginning.
(man do I have a lot to learn)

Thanks for your wishes, responses and hugs

mayhaps it is that time of the month and I have simply sworn off chocolate...therefore feeling bereft of this also and finding all feelings amplified.

[blythe spirit]

mayhaps it is that time of the month and I have simply sworn off chocolate...therefore feeling bereft of this also and finding all feelings amplified.

Good God, woman, have you gone daft? lol

[Echoes]

Good God, woman, have you gone daft? lol

floating on a raft with a thin staff for a paddle
the boat I am on waddles in waves
strafing as foam splashes and waft salt
upon my face, my heart races


yup, daft on a raft in the middle of an ocean
with waves and salt wafting with the breeze
as my mind lolls from lack of caffiene

*hugs*