First steps

[blythe spirit]

It has been over a week since I have heard any word from him, not even a farewell...I now understand when I read all your posts of how you miss your Masters'/Sirs' how agonizing and slow the time passes, if even on a smaller scale.

Is it just me, or is it normal for a Dom to neglect to contact his sub for over a week?

To me that sounds rather inconsiderate - short of him being hospitalized (or worse). I mean how long does it take to type a short email (or make a call, if they have your number, of course?) to let you know they won't be available for a while?

[Echoes]

Is it just me, or is it normal for a Dom to neglect to contact his sub for over a week?

To me that sounds rather inconsiderate - short of him being hospitalized (or worse). I mean how long does it take to type a short email (or make a call, if they have your number, of course?) to let you know they won't be available for a while?

Hi blythespirit

I am not sure, this is where inexperience comes in...

I am not his sub as we have only been emailing back and forth on this site, we have not exchanged emails or phone numbers.

It gets confusing because I have done tasks for him. My last task for him was applying nipple clamps with weights.
First off, he responded to my previous email that he was happy I did not do this without his consent as he wished to do this in person...then after I mentioned I was so happy he wished this also, as I to wished this...he instructed me to do it for my last task. This HURT! I think perhaps I have done it wrong. I did this task though because he instructed this and kept them on for the duration even though they hurt so bad.

I do not understand why he changed his mind about this

Again, I am not speaking wrong of him...but my understanding and knowledge thus far is not clear and I do need direction and lessons. In actuality I have very little experience to many aspects of BDSM.

Yes it has left me for a loss he did not let me know ... what? There will be no contact, no wishing a happy holidays or he would contact me around a certain date. I do know it is the Holidays, perhaps he is away, yet at the same time I let him know I was going away for 2 days.

*confused*

[Echoes]

I think perhaps the problem here is I posted too soon, too fast. It is indeed hard to contain emotions felt for they are so strong, so powerful.
I should have waited until it was decided whether we both were more compatible.
I most certainly do not mean to be disrespectful nor drag his name down as I don't really know him at all.
He has not judged me as yet, unless by reading my posts here past and present, he has decided I am not his choice (for I have gotten from him an assuredness he knows what he looks for and will wait)
I told him I have once felt (in the Master and slave relationship) things there felt "too good to be true", and so far with him it feels "just right" and I now knew this feeling.
I have not felt such a connection before and so quick.

*remember to always retain perspective and maintain emotional control* when first talking with someone

If it was something in all my past posts that has turned him away, then I am glad I led him here.

I apologize for bringing this here so shortly, but it did seem "just right" and so hopeful, so promising.

[Ozme52]

Is it just me, or is it normal for a Dom to neglect to contact his sub for over a week?

Nope, not without forewarning.

To me that sounds rather inconsiderate - short of him being hospitalized (or worse). I mean how long does it take to type a short email (or make a call, if they have your number, of course?) to let you know they won't be available for a while?

One wonders about underlying motivations and the conflicts and demands of "real life" if the interest in the bdsm is not out in the open. It's one of the reasons I try to be very open and up front about my personal situation before getting started.

While being so forthright has its drawbacks... when you find someone who can live within your boundaries... and mayhaps even has similar boundaries, it makes the connections even stronger.

[annie]

While being so forthright has its drawbacks... when you find someone who can live within your boundaries... and mayhaps even has similar boundaries, it makes the connections even stronger.

Oz and I have talked about this before... and a firm solid discussion of those boundaries, especially time commitments as well as each others expectations are so vital. And honestly, not only do they determine a romantic relationship but also a friendship relationship if romance is not to be in the cards. So, I recommend, imho and for what it's worth, that even with the high you are currently on to still bring up the issue of the lack of contact, the reasons, etc. and clearly define with him the expectations...

I only recommend this from experience... I had a Dom that required I be in contact every day. He would be in contact when "he had time" which some times would be 10 or more days and then it would be a simple short "i'm fine" after I asked if he was still breathing or something. That relationship, though D/s in nature was not a constructive one but at times almost dangerous to me due to the lack of contact and the way I processed that lack of contact. OHHHH God could he make the highs wonderful, but the lows were twice as bad, twice as often and he never saw it as a problem, no matter how much I mentioned it. Sooner or later the relationship became something I disliked and my submission matched his attention (meaning it was nil to none) which only made me more unhappy. This was my first D/s experience as well so I was left with the impression that the lack of attention was normal or that I was overly needy, etc. Only years later, looking back can I see how truly inconsiderate that was of him and how harmful it was to me in many ways. And, I learned from it and now clearly state up front what I expect and if the times, etc. won't mesh I state that as well, "hoping" it will work out is not a solution.

So... even though he is back in contact, I encourage you strongly to find out why the absence and to set the expectation now of what you wish. You may be the sub and you certainly don't want to top from the bottom but there has to be a mutual understanding about some things... this being one of them imho. Otherwise, it is possible that this, continued in the long term, will change your level of respect for him and hurt any type of relationship... be it romantic or friendship.

Hugsssssssss Echos!